Secret Love
by sheechiibii
Summary: After Sasuke’s successful capture of Naruto – who is due to die at dawn – an interesting discovery pushes him to change the course of their lives; escaping to an island far from the Ninja ways, where they struggle with new norms and secret love. NaruSasu.
1. Corpse

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Matashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

**Hey Guys!!! Walla! My new fic! I hope you like it!**

**By the way…it is set in the Narutoverse, but I do not read the manga…I read a fic that had Sasuke in the Akatsuki and it gave me this idea. I later realized that maybe Sasuke does end up in Akatsuki, however, I wasn't going to spoil the story for myself, since I refuse to read the manga; I want Naruto to last as long as possible and the anime is pretty far behind or so I've been told. So the facts in this fic might not be correct, there aren't many anyway so I hope nobody objects. **

**It's all going to be in first person by the way. So some of the things said are purely Sasuke's thoughts…not mine. Just keep that in mind tehe, since everybody's perspective is different so I don't want you guys to pick up on some things Sasuke says as factual, since they probably won't all be true. **

**On with the first chapter!...**

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**Corpse**

I sat in stillness and silence – disregarding the mindless chatter from further in the cave - as I watched the corpse in front of me. Metaphorically speaking of course; it wasn't a corpse in reality…but it was hardly a living creature; all the dazzling life that had once been so present in this form were now absent – it was nothing more than the body of my best friend. My best friend…he most certainly wasn't. Yet that's what he constantly says to me; _'I will bring you home, Sasuke, you're my best friend.'_ Hn, as if he could ever stand a chance against me in any case.

It's…sort of sad…he was really nothing more than a corpse now. The once blaringly noticeable and equally unpredictable ninja now lay before me as nothing short of a dead body. The paralysis Jutsu that I'd cast on him in our final battle days before had not worn out, nor would it ever, since he was due to die – officially – in a matter of hours.

It was sad, now that I think of it…I would never see those blatantly blue eyes shine again with the mirth contained within him; I'd never again see him flaunt his worthless 'powers' or his unimpressive 'skills'. Yet as I sat there, on the floor beside him, I still could not feel an ounce of pain – I couldn't feel anything that I should have with the knowledge that the only person I still held valuable to me was about to die. And it wouldn't be a painless death…the extraction of a bijuu was not pretty. I'd only seen it once before and it was something I never wished to witness again.

But still, I'd taken him. I'd gone to fight him, manipulating him into believing that he was the one who'd come to me; who'd found me. He always was so oblivious. Sakura knew though, I'd not missed the look on her face as I struck my final blow. She had been too far away though, and any chance she may have believed she had at saving either of us had been doomed.

And now I sat, painstakingly bored, watching my only important person as their last moments ticked away in stillness. He always told me I was a bastard. I always knew he was right. I just didn't care. If I cared I wouldn't have joined this god forsaken group. Akatsuki. They had to be the most ruthless, insane, heartless people I'd ever met – it really was no wonder that they'd found a way to connect themselves.

But I didn't belong here. I didn't belong with them. I didn't dislike them; I don't think I had it in me to feel those sorts of things any more. I'd joined them purely out of convenience. The last member of my family was here so it seemed only fitting that I be here too. I didn't have to like it. I didn't have to feel comfortable with it. I didn't even have to live with it. And I wouldn't…I'd find something better to do with my time then spend it on guard duty – making sure someone who was paralysed wasn't going up and run away at any moment. Something that didn't involve me murdering my best friend.

He wasn't my best friend though. And I didn't care if he lived or died. I should have been glad at any rate; at least with him gone he couldn't chase me wherever I went. Not that I couldn't handle him, it would just be more convenient. I suppose I could return to Konoha; do what he asked of me. But I wouldn't do that in a million years. The punishment I'd receive for my 'crimes' would simply not be worth my time. Besides…what would I gain by going back there; it held no potential for me and it never would. I'd never return. Nothing I wanted was there.

Not that I wanted anything. There was nothing to want any more. I had everything I'd ever wanted. Power. Revenge. Acknowledgement…Regret. Regret; it was something I'd never expected; it was the only thing I really felt any more, and the only thing I had that I wished I didn't. I'd always thought that with my brother's death at my hand I would feel freed, worthy of my name, and…happy. I hadn't felt happy for so long I'd missed it. I'd tried to gain it; there had been glimpses, in my childish games with my equally childish 'team-mates'. Thankfully I had severed all of those bonds. Not that it stopped certain people from following me, like little lost puppies waiting to be fed. Well…Naruto's was certainly fed now. He'd never feel hungry again.

But when I'd stood there, watching as the last slivers of life slipped through Itachi's fingers, I'd cried. I'd wept silently to myself, not caring who saw me, not caring how pathetic I looked. I'd cried because I was so…disappointed. I thought I'd feel so much more, but all I felt was a strange hollowness that ate at me like a leech; sucking all the remaining feelings from me until I was left dry – a weak puddle of a person.

I laid myself next to his limp body – just like a corpse – I wasn't tired, I don't really get tired any more, sleeping is just something I do when I get bored. I can't do that right now though, I have to watch him constantly. I'd be able to sleep at dawn, I was thankful for that. They would perform the ceremony – hn, to call such a thing a 'ceremony' disgusted me – at dawn, and that would be when I'd get my first break in three days. Like I said, I wasn't tired, just bored. I was always bored these days. That was the result of having no purpose.

My name was called but I ignored it; it was only Karin. Those three had insisted on following me as well; they weren't as annoying as Naruto, though, mainly because they didn't try to force me to do things I didn't want. They respected me. Naruto never respected me – he was so selfish, constantly shouting on and on about how he didn't want to loose me and how he wanted his 'brother' back, what about what I wanted; I didn't want another brother! One had been more than enough.

Hebi – my…group, because they weren't team-mates; we were not a team – had even followed me here, all the way from Orochimaru's clutches to Akatsuki's lair. They didn't seem to care what they did so long as they were entertained. And Karin was here because she wanted me. Hn, just like most of those ridiculous girls, it actuality made me feel puzzled by the way Sakura had acted when I'd last seen her. She had looked at me with something akin to hatred, even before she'd seen through my tactics, and it was strangely amusing, when I saw that she had transferred her silly attractions from me to Naruto. I didn't think he deserved them, he was nothing but a puppy and the only one he chased nowadays was me; I could see through the resentment in her eyes that he put her second to me now. I didn't care about the details…I didn't care about them. Besides, I'd break her heart a second time at dawn when I took another love away from her.

"Sasuke!" This time it was Suigetsu. I didn't say anything to him either, only turned my head away from the corpse to show that I was paying him the attention he desired. He left Karin to tell me the details about the ceremony. It seemed the group was heading into a larger part of the cave; they were going to set everything up for Naruto's murder. Apathy fled me for a brief second, replaced by something that was unidentifiable in the short period it settled inside me. It was not important – if it was it would have stayed.

Karin went on to say something about me staying here, I was barely listening by that point; she bored me more than the lifeless form at my side, the one I was staring at again. He looked asleep, though he was covered in dirt and blood, no wounds of course; I hadn't let the meaningless battle take up enough of my time for any real damage to be done. The minor cuts were gone due to the fox; the one that was so important for the success of Akatsuki's goal. All of their dedication and effort and planning would be worth nothing if they couldn't get the Kyuubi and none of the other eight Bijuu mattered without it.

It didn't matter to me, regardless, and so I had paid little attention to Madera…my uncle…as he'd told me of their master plan and all that bullshit; I didn't expect to be here by that point anyway. I didn't really expect them to succeed with it either, with them against the world. And they were not that special, even with Bijuu – letting untamed beasts carry out their dirty work would get them nowhere. Disregarding their sheer power, Bijuu were nothing but animals; they had little thought process and even smaller amounts of understanding. And for Akatsuki their allies were not their only problem. For them everyone was an enemy, and as it's been said; an enemy of an enemy is a friend – it wouldn't take long before factions, ninja villages and rebel groups all joined together to eliminate these morons.

Everything was so silent in our small cave now, more so than before. This hideout was gloomier than others had been before and I lay, with Naruto, in a smaller, cut off part; one where almost no candlelight reached and I'd get all the peace I wanted. Now that everyone had left to set things up it was so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat, hn, so I still had one. I'd half expected it would have disintegrated by now. Oh well.

"Uhhnnn…" I raised an eyebrow; it certainly hadn't been me making that disgracefully weak noise. My eyes had strayed from the corpse's face and it seemed my paralysis jutsu wasn't holding up as I'd wanted. That's a shame; I won't get much sleep with the racket he'd make if he was not unconscious for the 'ceremony', I've witnessed only one and it was…horrific; the boy they'd found had been especially cheeky and troublesome to shut up, no matter how hard he was hit he would not loose consciousness. I suppose he'd brought it upon himself, that boy, they'd gone ahead with him fully aware. The memory of it actually caused a few hairs to rise on my skin and a strange shiver to race through me. I don't think I've ever vomited so much in my entire life.

There was a pause before another mumble, slightly quieter than the first stirred me from my reminiscing, thankfully. Looking over the body before me I was slightly relieved that he was still fully unconscious…he must have been dreaming or fighting with my jutsu; he'd never beat it, not completely. I was just glad that I wouldn't have to listen to his screams. That would have been embarrassing. I'd once been called a rival to this corpse. Hn, whatever.

"Hmmm…Ssss" Oh that's just perfect. Now I'd be forced to listen to him mumble and mutter meaninglessly to himself. See what I mean…even with his death mere hours away and he was still forcing me to do things I didn't want to do. "Sssss..aaah" his voice was so meek and tiny that I nearly didn't hear it; good, maybe it would stop and I would be left to the silence again.

I was never very lucky. "Sasss…ahmm…ssskaaay" And that was definitely my name. Intriguing. Yes, it would be interesting to see what Naruto's subconscious had to say to me. I wonder if it feels the same as the obnoxious blond does, or thinks. I don't care either way…it's just…sort of strange. Although I knew he was obsessed with me, I wouldn't have thought he'd think of me in his last moments. I hate to say it but…that is so sad…and not in the upset way…it's really sad that he thinks of someone who doesn't give a shit about him when he could be thinking of those who do care; those who will miss him. Because I won't.

I was disappointed though, because for the next while – which seemed much longer than it ought to be – he was almost completely silent. He likes to irritate me you see. So he constantly does the opposite of whatever I want. I want him to shut up; he talks. I want him to talk; he shuts up. Hn; stupid blond idiot.

Heh, I remember once when we were on a mission together and were conned into sharing a tent and – though I was thankful to be away from Sakura – I discovered that he sleep talks. I don't know if it was my sleep riddled mind or not, but I swear that night I heard him say…

"Lurv..emmyooh..Ssss..kay…….uhn…" At that I turned my head away from him, it's not as though he actually said it. He was just mumbling; my mind was confusing the real world and my mistaken memories; it's done that before; it was nothing to think about; I don't care anyway. I don't know why but I felt increasingly tense, my breath came in faster rhythm and my heart beats hastened their pace. I don't care. I don't care.

And then the corpse spoke again, in almost pure clarity; "I love you." It was silent after that; just as I'd wanted. He'd finally done what I'd wanted. He'd spoken and shut up. And now I wished for neither, or both, I couldn't tell. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to murder him with my bare hands, destroy every part of his selfish idiotic self. Who did he think he was? I urged my body to move but it wouldn't. I felt as though we'd switched places; me and the corpse. No…he wasn't a corpse…because he wasn't dead…yet. I wouldn't need to kill him myself. They would murder him for me…I'd get him out of my hair…I wanted to tear my hair out. I wanted to scream. I wanted to…and then that feeling was back, mixing my thoughts further as it pierced through me. This time it stayed, but I still couldn't distinguish it. It was gone after a while though, and I was left with the strangest resolution. But this resolution was not unfamiliar; I'd had it before.

I wanted him to live. And I could make that happen. And I would. Just like I had before.

I checked quickly that the chakra signals in the other room were still occupied elsewhere: they were. All quite busy with their preparing for their precious 'ceremony'. Hn, I smirked, what would they think when we were gone upon their return? They should have known better than to trust me. I wondered about Hebi for only a split second as I focused my chakra to a peak; forming my hand signs with steady hands and a will of steal. They would either be killed or would escape, I didn't care either way – I may have helped them in the past; but that was all at my convenience, and when I walked out of here I didn't expect to see them again, so what happened to them was none of my concern.

My clones appeared quickly; they were strong and would not be identified by any of the group except my uncle; he'd never forgive me. I didn't care. The seals came a little slower, but still…in moments I had the entire mini-cave wrapped in a warped bubble of the truth. What they would see was me, lying with Naruto, as still as corpses, with only my rhythmic breathing and his more laboured pants as proof of our living. It would take them until dawn to realize the truth. We would be far from here by then. With the Chakra mask I had placed around us, they would not notice that the bodies were clones.

Swooping Naruto over my shoulder, I walked right out, making sure to keep a Chakra bubble around myself as I left; it wouldn't do to have someone notice the movement of our chakra. As soon as I was outside I noticed just how soon dawn would be. The sky was already a peachy orange glow. We didn't have as long as I'd imagined. Oh well. I took of running immediately, keeping a firm grip on the blond as I flew through the trees surrounding the caves. It took minutes to pass the foliage and then we were running free.

I didn't stop…I kept running until dawn was well on its way. I don't really get tired anymore. So I didn't want to sleep. There's nothing to want any more. And yet, I felt myself pushing harder, running faster, when I thought of them catching us. There is nothing for someone with no purpose to want, and yet I wanted this. I wanted this enough to make it come true.

Eventually I stopped, just outside the border of the fire country; I don't know where the hideout had been – I never paid attention to petty details like that – but I would recognise this border anywhere. It was the one that lead me to Konoha; the place I'd never return to. It was at this border that I realized we had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run where we wouldn't be found. I deftly made my way under the cover of the forest foliage nearby. This place reminded me of the forest of death…shows how identifiable the fire country is; there isn't anywhere else that holds such natural beauty, not that I care of that; my mother always said that there was nowhere prettier and she was always right.

I set Naruto against one of the larger trees, preparing myself for the lecture I'd be given after I did this. The jutsu took only a moment to withdraw, but I knew it would take a while for him to wake, I wondered what I'd tell him, but what was there to say exept the truth?

I saved him on a whim.

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**There you go! This is just the prologue, kinda…to introduce you to it C: I hope you liked.**

**I'm going to be tackling this story a little different than my previous one 'Realization' as I had everything planned out for that one, but with this one I know only the beginning and the end! Everything in between I'll make up as I go…**

**I hope it works XD**

**Please review and tell me what you think!**

**Xx..xX**


	2. Home

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

_**…**_

**Home**

"Excuse me, teme?!" I ignored his outburst, it's not as though I hadn't dealt with his nonsense before; this was no different. Besides, I'd predicted that he would have this reaction once I told him returning to Konoha was impossible…but honestly – to act so childishly – it was to be expected from someone like him. In any case, he would never make it there since Akatsuki were bound to be heading in that direction already, and even if he did manage to get there, he'd only bring the group down on the whole village. He'd never do something like that. Which brought me to my next unnecessary annoyance; he thought it was all my fault.

"If you go back, you'll kill not only yourself, but half the village too, when Akatsuki comes for you." I spoke calmly, sure to keep myself apathetic; it wouldn't do to show him how much his whining irritated me. This whole situation irritated me. He panted where he stood, outrage clearly etched onto his face. What did he expect me to do? He should be more grateful; he'd be dead if it weren't for me.

"But! But everyone will think I'm dead! Where will we go?! And I need to become Hokage; I can't go running off with a missing nin! You're just lying to me, you bastard, and I know it! You just don't want to come back home!" I snorted at that, but he didn't seem to notice as he continued his angry rant. Whatever, he could suit himself; I didn't care. It's not as though Konoha was my home, it hadn't been home for a long time and never would be again – when would he accept that? And how long would I need to deal with him until then?

I sighed minutely, he wouldn't notice, too caught up in his panic…hn, idiot. Why had I saved him again? Oh yeah; the whim. You don't decide whims, they just occur. I suppose though, at least I'm not bored now. He keeps things interesting, that's for sure. But where would we go? I don't know why I'm staying with him – it just seems a waste to save him and then leave him for dead…I might as well have spared myself the trouble if I did that. I'm not that stupid. And like I said; he was entertainment.

So…now came the difficulty of where we could retreat to. We weren't going to hide; I don't think I could stand him for any length of time so it was completely out of the question…besides – I wasn't going to hide like some weakling. I frowned when dirt was kicked onto my leg. It was my fault – I should have expected it – what with Naruto pacing on the forest floor and me sitting by a tree trunk; of course with all his dramatics he'd manage to kick dirt onto my leg. I brushed it off without a word; he hadn't noticed anyway and I wasn't going to give him another reason to rant.

We couldn't go to any hidden village – all ninja would recognise us and our cover would be dead before it had even breathed the air of life. Hn…what if we didn't go to a hidden village…what if we went to a 'normal' village. It would be so much less likely that we'd get caught, but it would be much harder to mask ourselves; to act as we were expected when we knew little of what was expected. I don't think Naruto could do it. I could, of course. But he's a dobe and would probably ruin our plan on arrival.

He was right in front of my face, I noticed, his large blue eyes staring intensely into my own coal irises. What did he want? A picture? It probably would last longer since if he didn't back off he was sure to get himself punched. Sadly, he moved away so I lost my reason to hurt him. Oh well. He sat beside me, resting his back against the thick mossy bark as I was.

"We have to contact them. I can't leave them thinking I'm dead. I just can't." His eyes were pleading when he turned back to me, only for a moment though, as his small mind was quickly distracted by the wood chips on the ground around of us. We were in a small clearing where light reached from a space high above us and it bounced off his forehead protector and right onto his hand in strange patterns. He seemed enthralled by it. Simple minds… I sighed again; this was ridiculous. I really don't know why I saved him; I'll never get rid of him now.

"I'll send something when we decide where to go from here." I hadn't been expecting an intelligent remark to come from his mouth, let alone for him to drop that subject so immediately, so I was a mildly surprised by his response;

"I went a lot of places with Ero-sennin…I have a good place we could go to and be safe." I didn't look at him as he spoke – he never did what I wanted, why should I look at him when I knew that was what he wanted? He's always wanted my attention. Hn, idiot. There are more important things in life than being noticed. But he continued to stare into the side of his face so I growled low in my throat; a warning to stop. He didn't heed it.

Just as I turned to tell him what exactly I thought of him, he smiled. Great; I'd just given him the attention he craved. I made sure to look at him with the disgust I felt; he was nothing. But he smiled and then that damned feeling pooled in my stomach, it clawed and scratched, begging to be acknowledged. I ignored it.

Instead I said "We need to be somewhere without Ninja." Best to tell him things straight, otherwise he might not understand. I raised an eyebrow when his bright grin didn't flicker; he's such a freak.

"You're really here…talking to me!" I snorted, well duh, I hoped he wouldn't continue to point out the obvious; it annoyed me. "I mean, I've wanted this for as long as you left. I just wish…that I could take you home." He reached out to touch my hand with his grubby, earthy fingers. I snatched it away before he could contaminate me. Annoyingly, he still didn't look disheartened. He was talking like I was some girl he wanted to screw - ridiculous.

I ground my teeth and snarled as I spoke; conveying my message clearly "Don't touch me." This time he had the decency to stop smiling, but he still stared at me, so I figured I'd leave him be. It was my fault after all – I wouldn't be forced to deal with his nonsense if he were dead.

"Um…yeah, it's a little civilian village on an island we once went to. I don't remember how to get there, but it was kind of near Taro Island…it's at the bottom of…" I knew where it was; it was above Haha Island* and just a little bit away from the tea country. If this place he spoke of was of any use then it had to be secluded from the Ninja villages that would notice us most. Going somewhere south sounded good - it wasn't a bad idea.

I stood up, brushing the remnants of chipped bark and dried mud off my clothing. Still feeling Naruto's eyes on me, I didn't turn to look at him as I began walking. If we had been in the mountains between Oto and Taki when we were at Akatsuki's cave, then we'd be up north of Fire country; in the forest near the valley of the end. I toyed with passing by, just to make Naruto uncomfortable – that might make him shut up. He was still talking. Babbling on about something unnecessary I'd bet. I didn't even bother listening. Everything he spoke was of no interest to me now. How else would I stand him other than ignoring him when he wasn't asked a direct question?

I decided not to pass the valley of the end. If we cut straight down through the Fire countries middle then we'd get to the tea country faster, however, that would mean crossing Konoha and Otafuku Gai which wasn't really an option since we were trying to lay low. Our best bet was probably to cross the fire country straight south till the ocean from here, and then following the beach all the way around until we got to the tip of tea country. Crossing the water would be another obstacle but I would deal with that problem when it arose.

In the mean time we continued forwards through the dense forest, walking at a casual pace until the boredom began to sink in again and I had to change something; no way was I going to start listening to Naruto's pointless blabber, so I hastened my speed and took to the treetops – just as I thought, the dobe followed close behind, no doubt still rambling on.

I wasn't very sure how long passed before I just had to listen to him, maybe minutes, more than likely hours, either way I didn't give it much thought. It seems that Naruto had finally caught onto my ignoring him; he must not have liked it. He always did strive for attention, especially from me. Still, I was a little startled when his voice cut through the acrid silence. I was almost thankful for the action; it would probably entertain me for a moment. I should have taken the detour to the valley of the end.

"Hey, teme! Are you even listening to me?!" I wanted to ignore him, but with the tedious boredom looming over my head, I just had to say something. So I snorted and said "No, are you surprised?" An indulgent huff was my reply before a booming voice yelled out to me from my right; I didn't turn to look for him, for all I'd see were the trees flying by between us. My predictions told me that he was nearer than he should have been though, since he'd always been weaker than me, Hn, I must have been slacking. I picked up speed.

"Why the hell did you save me then, asshole?!" It was strange, not only did he sound only half as angry as he had a moment ago, but I also found myself needing to answer. Not just for the annoyance, but also for myself. The question swam around my head, faster and faster – even when I silenced the consistent wailing, it continued to beat at my skull – my pride – my answer.

"It was a whim." I had no need to divulge any more useless information because there was none; it was as simple as it sounded. The question in my mind was not satisfied.

"Like hell it was!" the anger was back with a vengeance, it seems Naruto wasn't satisfied either. "A whim is something you do, like…just because! Randomly! You went out of your way to save my life…why?! And at the risk of your own? Just like with Haku…" He trailed off, his voice thick with something I didn't care to place; my anger smouldered too much for that. I didn't care what he thought, or felt, all I wanted to do was rip his head off his orange-clad shoulders – I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him!

He'd made that awful feeling come back! I didn't understand it – this thing that pulled at my chest and squeezed at parts of me I didn't even know existed any more – and whatever I don't understand has to be bad; this was very bad. I turned my head towards him - the one who was obviously causing this weird and absolutely hated feeling inside me - a piercing glare tearing through the distance separating us. I could see him now, he was in clear view; his form seemed to glide through the primitive movements as he jumped from tree to tree, as if he didn't look like an animal, as if he wasn't just an idiot. The way he was looking at me, though, stopped my glare dead in its tracks.

I could feel my face fall automatically back into my neutral – emotionless – mask. Only it wasn't a mask, as hebi had come to call it, it was just my face; just me showing the only feeling I really had any more – nothing. It used to be my defence, a long time ago, before I'd lost my purpose. Not any more, not until now. But I couldn't defend my mind, no matter how hard I tried. That was the only defence I ever needed now…protection from my nightmares…my memories…this craziness that had corrupted my sanity so suddenly. Everything was piling up in my head, I couldn't think properly with everything whirling around like a tornado, destroying all sense of reason; the question, the feeling, the memories…I had to get away.

Naruto didn't stop looking at me as I sped off ahead, for I continued to feel his gaze searing my back, in fact he seemed to slow down slightly, as if letting me take the lead; hn, as if he needed to; I was far superior. I didn't continue to dwell on it though. Thinking more on that would only ignite more flames in my inferno of confusion, so I let it go. I fell back into my boredom, but I didn't need to tune out Naruto's insistent blabber this time. He didn't speak again.

We broke free from the trees late the next day, the sun was on the verge of setting but we hadn't rested at all. I wouldn't let us rest – not that the nuisance had suggested it. If we continued at the speed we were going then we'd reach the south coast by mid day tomorrow. I wouldn't stop then either; we had no time to loose; we couldn't get caught. We wouldn't.

The open plains were so familiar to me…they brought a sense of nostalgia that I wasn't comfortable with…In the distance mountains roamed – though they were too far away for even my eyes to see – and I remembered the nights I'd spent there back before I left Konoha. A sigh fought for freedom from my throat, but I pushed it back behind bars, it wouldn't do to express just how annoying I found Naruto's pursuits. Why did he want to force my return 'home' so badly anyway? Isn't it clear that if I left for a reason, then it would be nothing but foolish to go back…And no I did not just quote my…brother…I was not foolish, and I didn't have a home to return to.

I once loved the feeling of running through these open plains, feeling the wind rush through my hair until it was so tousled I couldn't run my fingers through it. But now, as I ran at full speed through the barren lands, I couldn't bring myself to feel anything. So the thick, cool air stuck to my sweat covered body and refreshed me in a way much different to a shower – though I'd had to make do with less of them these past few years – and the wind whipped at my face, my hair, my clothes, just like I used to love. So what? It's just wind. It's just air. I just don't care.

I felt that way about Naruto too. It was something I could never let go of, for some reason I just couldn't allow him to be gone, and yet his presence brought nothing to me. Other than a few weak moments when he'd cause that…feeling…to consume my mind, I couldn't care less what he was doing, where he was, or who he was with. Yet I had saved him; though on a whim, it was not the first time I'd done it. The third in fact. So I did not care, but wouldn't let him die. Like the air I breathed, I couldn't stop; I couldn't let it go, even though it meant nothing to me. If I did, I would die. Hn, what a stupid thing to think…

I was just causing myself more hassle in the long run. I shouldn't bother with him. For instance, if he wasn't here with me right now, I'd be doing something far more productive than running through dead plains. Yet I'd also be thinking of something much different than this…which wasn't necessarily a good thing, as I'd probably be bored out of my mind. Either way; I didn't give a damn, because I had saved him and I was running through these dead plains so there really was no use in thinking any more on the subject.

I wouldn't deny that I'd expected Naruto to attempt a conversation in the time we'd spent since yesterday. Yet he'd said nothing, and I found that strange, in a nagging, almost foreboding sort of way. I felt as though this trip to an unknown island would lead to something more than just safety. I felt as though things were going to change. I didn't know what to think of this apprehension so I put it behind me. The dobe might just feel awkward after his little rant, hn, I smirked, serves him right.

For the rest of our travels across the plains and past the mountains I thought of hebi. It was boredom that drove me to it. I just had to wonder if they were dead yet. I could imagine their outrage as they'd realized, along with Akatsuki, that we were gone. Karin might have cried for my loss, she might have begged for her life, but I couldn't imagine it. Just like I couldn't imagine them being alive at this point.

No matter how useful they had been to me as tools since I'd left Orochimaru, they were nothing to Akatsuki; just nuisances that insisted on following me. There would be no reason to keep them alive…and letting them go was not an option; they knew too much. But I couldn't resist thinking of finding them one day – once all this was behind me, would I stumble upon them in years to come and marvel that their lives had been spared? Would I care then? I doubted it, if I didn't care now, why would I care then?

When had I become so heartless? Even when I was with Orochimaru I still cared to spare the lives of anyone I could. I still felt hatred towards him and Kabuto. I was still horrified by the looks he would send me sometimes, though I knew he would never act on his lecherous thoughts; my body was too valuable to damage. If it were now, I don't think I'd care, I don't know if I'd even care if he did act upon his desires. See? Thinking about it doesn't even disgust me.

I do feel horrified sometimes, but only at myself. At what I've become. But no matter how hideously twisted I am, I do still wish it was different. I catch myself sometime, dreaming about a life other than this one; what If I'd let Itachi live; what if I'd let Orochimaru have my body; what if I'd let Naruto take me back to the village he called home; what if I'd let myself call it home too; what if…what if they'd never died. What if my family were still alive, what kind of person would I be? Surely not this hollow existence. But I don't know, and I'll never know, and because things aren't that way, I'll probably never care. And I wish I did…I wish I could.

"Hey, bastard!" A hand reached out to grab me, but I slapped it away with a snarl. I saw the well concealed hurt flash through Naruto's eyes, but I didn't want him to touch me. We stood for a moment, doing nothing but staring at each other. Once I'd stopped moving I realized how far we'd come. We were standing on a beach; so we'd finally reached the coast. Had we been travelling along it? I wasn't very sure. It was strange for me not to notice such a thing, but sure enough, as I cast a look over Naruto, his clothes were blotched with grains of sand, his shinobi sandals covered in the creamy, almost silver sand of the fire country. Fire country had creamy coloured sand, while the wind country was more red-orange, and the tea country had a silver tone to theirs. It was my way of telling where we were.

I disregarded my clumsy observation skills as I noticed that it was day. Trying to calculate where we should be since we'd clearly been running along the coast for some time, I came to the conclusion that we must have slowed down. After Naruto's outburst the other day, I'd planned out that it would take until noon the next day to reach the beach, and that was at our current speed, but we'd ran far more than that. I almost sighed when I realized we were a day behind. We should have been in the Tea country, and though, by the colour of the sand, it didn't look far off, we should have already been there. How had I managed to let myself slip up?

"We should rest, Sasuke." I was startled that he'd used my name, but I felt _the feeling_ – as I'd taken to calling it - swell inside me so I tried not to let my mind focus on that. My eyes swept over him again; although his clothes were tattered and blood stained, messed by the wind and sand, dirty from our trek through the mountains where mud was abundant, the boy looked fine to me. There was nothing in his face or the way he held his body to show that he was tired.

"Why would we rest? You look fine to me." But he shook his head at me, creamy flakes of sand falling onto his shoulders with the movement. A look that seemed almost like humour flickered over his features but before I had time to consider it further he spoke again.

"I wasn't talking about me. You look like a zombie, and you're getting really slow. I don't want you to collapse on me." Even as he said such a thing, though, the humour stayed on his face and seeped into his voice. It made me angry. I was not tired. I counted how long it had been since I'd rested…the last time I slept was before we left to set up the trap for Naruto, two days before the confrontation, I'd stayed with him three days in the cave, and then we'd been travelling for little under four days. So all in all I'd not slept in about nine days. Perhaps my body was feeling somewhat exhausted. It didn't mean we had to stop.

"We're not stopping." I made sure my voice was as firm as it could be, but the dobe was never one to catch on to things like that. "Nah, nah, teme. We should rest up. Maybe we could go by some hotel somewhere…" My anger flared; a hotel?! Sure the beach wasn't the best place to camp but, what the hell did he think this was, a holiday?!

"Does it look like there is a hotel around here we can just drop into? We don't even have any money." Which was true, I had no need for it any more, and Akatsuki had striped Naruto of anything he had on him.

"I'm just trying to help! You should see yourself! The bags under your eyes couldn't get any darker; you look like you're going to drop dead any moment. You look ill…" All humour was gone from him now and I noticed that he was worried…great. At least he had the decency to look offended at what I'd said. I really couldn't be bothered arguing with him, not when _the feeling_ was approaching again. So I sighed and told him we'd rest a bit when we reached the border to the Tea country. He didn't seem completely satisfied but we began moving anyway.

This time when he spoke I couldn't even be bothered to tune him out. His worthless comments didn't entertain me in the slightest, and I never once pretended they did. I didn't respond to anything he said, not even when he addressed me. Still, he kept on talking, seemingly undeterred by my nonchalance as he acted as though I was interested and I was responding. It was really sad to see, and I didn't understand but I wished he didn't care about me, because I knew I didn't deserve it. _The feeling_ didn't show itself again though, and I was thankful for that.

It seemed I hadn't miscalculated this time since we reached the border to the tear country before dark. There was a small patchy circle slightly inland that I took him to, it was really nothing but a small sand dune but it would be better for sleeping than out in the open, at least here we were surrounded by ferns. I lay myself down on my back, closing my eyes and letting the comfort of just resting sooth my muscles. It didn't last long until Naruto interrupted me.

"Hey…uh, Sasuke. You still haven't sent any word to Konoha, and we're about to leave the fire country. I need them to know I'm alive." I peeled open my eyes and looked at him; he wasn't even lying down. Man, he was so annoying. And persistent. Hn, well if I sent a clone I knew it probably wouldn't even get passed the gates, not like I hadn't thought of that earlier. He was bound to want to contact his 'home' at some point after all.

I didn't even get up when I formed my clone and transformed him into a bird, let alone did I speak to the nuisance. Only when my raven slouched down beside me did I bother to move, I took the paper he had in his mouth - he was my messenger raven - and propped myself up on the side of our dune. Funnily enough there was a small rock at the side where I scrolled my neat Chakra-formed handwriting into the paper.

_Tsunade,_

_Naruto is with me. He isn't with Akatsuki any more.__I took him from them a few days ago, so there is a chance that they will come looking for him at Konoha. I won't tell you where we are going, but if you use my raven clone here then you can contact us whenever.  
Don't worry, I won't kill him._

_Sasuke. _

With that, I rolled my small letter up and gave it back to my raven, he took it, as a well trained bird would, into his beak and then he was off. I had no need to tell him where to go; I'd transferred that information when I created him.

I turned my eyes to Naruto; he was at least lying down now. Good, it wouldn't do for him to keep me from sleep any longer when it had been him who'd insisted that we rest in the first place. Hn, damn that fox for keeping his energy up. I heard a rumble and closed my eyes tighter, if he complained about hunger I'd seriously consider killing him, regardless what I'd written in the letter.

"Saaaasuke…" Oh god. "I'm kinda…hungry. Do you think I could get something from a town in tea country or something?" See, he is selfish. He never thought of my health at all. Wanting to go to a town – hotel - was only so that he could get food to fill his own needs. Hn, whatever, he can do what he wants.

"I'm not hungry. Haven't you learned to go without food for long periods? You're a ninja." It was true; Ninja were expected to survive much longer without food than any civilian could. But Naruto never was much good at stealth. His stomach grumbled again.

"Sheesh, stingy or what! No wonder you're so skinny." Now he was really getting on my nerves; I am not skinny. I'm lean. And I was sure to let him know that.

"Pfft, yeah right. You've always been skinny. And I'm catching up to you in height. Soon, I'll be bigger than you in every way." I opened my eyes again; they'd closed of their own accord, and took a good look at him. I hadn't really studied his build in the times I'd seen him since leaving Konoha. He was right, in a way. Because he certainly wasn't skinny. Neither am I! But he had clearly toughened up since our younger years. He'd stripped himself of the bloody orange jumper and now lay with it covering him as a makeshift blanket, his destroyed shirt served as something to lie on. But where I could see, I knew had well defined muscle, I'd caught a glimpse of his abs and they were nicely shaped. It didn't make me jealous, not really, but it made _the feeling_ threaten me again, so I pulled my gaze away.

"I'm not skinny." I turned away from him, facing the side of the dune in favour of having his eyes rake up and down my chest, it didn't help that these damned clothes left me in such clear view either. Thinking of clothes though, we'd need to go into one of the towns after all. Because we couldn't even think of approaching a civilian village with these clothes on. I didn't know much about civilians but I knew that what they wore was much different than us. Ours were designed more for combat and stealth purposes after all. Well, perhaps Naruto could get away with what he wore, but his were completely covered in blood and tears so that was out of the question.

I didn't respond to his next ignorant retort at my build; he could think what he wanted, just because I didn't have a six pack and my stomach was flat, did not mean I was skinny. I had a high metabolism and my speed covered for my lack of muscle. I could still beat him any day. Idiot.

After a while lying there in silence, Naruto seemed to drift off, while I still lay awake in the dune, dreading when my mind would slip into slumber. I always dreamt, and they were always nightmares. I liked to put off sleeping as much as I could, but when it was necessary, it was necessary and in this case, though I didn't like to admit; it was necessary.

Turning over to face the skies I studied the clouds and the patterns that stretched out across my vision. It was…beautiful…I knew that, I could see that. The mix of colours, the separation of dark and light, it was extraordinary. But even though could acknowledge it, I could see it; I couldn't appreciate it. I couldn't see why it was pretty, or magnificent. All I could see was something that I knew, but didn't understand.

But…the way the sky was split in a way, a blue hue spread over half of my vision, clouds were scarce and the moon sat in the middle of it all. While on the other side was the sun, setting and surrounded by colourful hues of red, orange, pink, purple, gold…the clouds spiralled around the sun, making almost a celebration in the sky for it.

My attention was completely on the moon though, sitting there, alone in the sky, a plain blue background, darker and lonelier than anything I'd noticed before. Though the clouds moved around it, the moon was avoided, almost purposely, while the sun was its opposite, colourful, bright, and accepted by all the clouds and the glowing background.

It made my eyes sting in a strange way. It made me think of myself. Because the higher the moon got, and the further it reached towards the sun, the further away the sun went, disappearing slowly behind the burning horizon. Out of the moons reach, forever. Because, not matter how much the moon wanted to be with the sun, no matter how much it tried, it would never reach the happiness, the brightness, because it was the moon, and the moon is alone, small and insignificant amongst everything else. Ignored.

I wanted a sun; I wanted something to save me from the desolate darkness, the loneliness, the emptiness. I wanted a sun. I wanted a home. I wanted what the moon wanted. And I'd never get it. Because I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what the sun was. I didn't know…what was it? Where was it? My sun…

The morning came far too slowly for my liking. My night hadn't been any different to all the others I'd had over the years. It had been so long since I'd slept without a nightmare that I'd forgotten what peaceful slumber was like. Naruto was watching me as I opened my eyes. He seemed distracted in staring at me. Ch, at least he'd put his shredded jacket back on, I didn't need _the feeling_ to bother me today. I was in a bad mood.

Getting up, I straightened myself out immediately, not bothering to tell him about our detour, I left. It took Naruto a moment to catch up, but we stayed at a brisk walk for the rest of the way to a small beach town. It looked basic, the same design as most of the tea country's villages had - just simple houses and small buildings. I didn't waste time and headed straight for the main district where there was sure to be fashion stores, it was a purely civilian village, like the one we'd be going to, so I presumed there would be clothes to suit our purpose.

"Go get clothes. We'll need to fit in with the civilians when we get there." I told him, he looked contemplative for a moment and I seriously worried for his brain…he wasn't good at thinking.

"Should we get lots of them?" He asked me, his voice so serious it made me want to hit him. "You know…for a change when we get there, 'cause we might be dirty?" I shook my head at his stupidity, I didn't need this today.

"No, you fool, that would mean extra baggage. We can easily buy more once we get there if we need. Just go. I'll meet you at south end." I replied, he looked slightly upset by my words, and I was glad; serves him right for being so stupid. Honestly, goes to show what happens when he uses what little brain he has; trouble. I walked away, ignoring him as I focused on the task at hand. I just had to smirk a little; I used to like shopping, so Naruto might have a while to wait.

Sure enough, it was a few hours later when I finally found Naruto, already dressed and waiting by the exit. He didn't look to happy, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. Well, his mouth was busy with other things, but I didn't care to contemplate how or where he'd stolen the sandwich from. We hadn't paid for anything, since we had no money, but this was a civilian village and we were Ninja. They didn't stand a chance.

Naruto was dressed in something hideous, as expected. My eyes trailed over his form, marvelling at the…sheer…I don't even have words to describe his fashion sense. I'd say pretty much non existent. He was wearing knee high boots, a weird silver and black colour, from which brown trousers emerged. I don't know where he got them from but they are hardly sensible wear for any form of human. They were brown and baggy and had strings of fabric connecting each leg together loosely…moving on, he was wearing a torn white top with splatters of red on, which I have a feeling I've seen before. So much for new clothes. And over that was a long hooded jumper, and I mean long; it reached to his thighs, orange and black striped.

I didn't say anything. I wasn't in the mood to even criticize him. He could do what he wanted. Idiot. I had gone for a more sensible and fashionable approach. Plain black slacks and a striped black and grey button up shirt over a blue shirt was what I was wearing; Naruto made a face that I assumed meant he'd expected me to wear something like that. Well, I didn't want to disappoint; because this was all about fashion wasn't it. Honestly…he frustrates me to no end.

Moving further south, we kept a steady pace, we couldn't go too fast because Naruto's trousers were tied together, yes it was loosely, but I wasn't going to take the chance of having him trip up and ruin his clothes because then we'd have to spend more time getting new ones. I'm not going to comment on his stupidity again, I don't think I need to. Nevertheless, Naruto seemed happy at his attire so I kept my mouth shut; I preferred him talking about whatever was going on in Konoha than him screaming at me about how much of a 'bastard' I am. I don't need told and frankly, it gets a little repetitive.

By the next morning we'd reached the tip of the Tea country. This was where I'd need to consider how to cross the water. I didn't want to go by boat, though that was an option. But I wanted there to be no proof that we'd crossed at all, and to do that we'd need to walk. I was perfectly okay with that. It was the best idea. But I didn't know quite how far it was to this Island, and walking on water used chakra. I wasn't sure if Naruto could do it; he'd never been good at chakra control.

Hn, great. So it looked like we didn't have much of a choice. Perhaps Naruto wouldn't be such a pain that he'd lose control and fall in the water whilst we were in the middle of the ocean. I thought I could trust him with that. If he fell I wondered if I'd save him again. Probably…I would have wasted my time otherwise.

"Hey, Sasuke-teme! Are we crossing by boat or what? 'Cause the harbour town is over that way." He gestured wildly in the other direction; it was pretty far in the distance, only a dot to our eyes. I didn't answer him, just stepped out onto the water. The sea was calm with little waves and I hoped it would continue in that way. It would be far easier to cross if the water stayed level.

"I take it we're not getting a boat then…" I heard the dobe mumble, I wasn't sure if it was directed at me so I didn't answer. If he didn't like my company then he shouldn't have insisted on dragging me back 'home' all the time. But then again, some people never learn. And this idiot was not going to grow a brain anytime soon, it seemed.

Though…that was a lie, something I knew was not true, and yet it seemed wrong to admit otherwise. But I just had to think of it as we continued across the water, the days passed and yet again we grew tired, and I had to admit…Naruto wasn't an idiot. He was when it came to me. But I knew for a fact that when I wasn't involved, the boy trailing behind me could actually be quite strategic. He could think things through and be rational, but for some reason he couldn't do the same when it came to me.

I'd be an idiot myself if I couldn't admit that. I'd never say it aloud though, but I could admit that small fact to myself. It made me wonder though…there were times when I couldn't think rationally when considering Naruto either, I didn't know why, but perhaps it was the same with Naruto. Perhaps, these whims that kept occurring regarding Naruto weren't whims at all. But that was foolish to think and I shouldn't be considering this in any case, because I didn't care about these things and therefore it was nonsense to me.

"Well…I guess we should greet the unknown island as it's named!" Was it just me or did Naruto's comments grow more and more unnecessary as they came? I looked up though, and sure enough, we were there. The island didn't look like much from here. Just a small patch of beach in a vast forest, but we both knew that behind the forest was a small village and as the broken, dirt-covered, deserted sign Naruto was pointing too read, that village was called 'Riera'.

"_Okaeri Nasai; Riera"_

_**…**_

**Okay…so both Taro Island and Haha Island exist in the Naruto world…the map's here: http://www[dot]leafninja[dot]com/country[dot]php.****  
**

**And 'Okaeri Nasai' means 'welcome home'. The name of the village also happens to be my name in Japanese! Yay! Sorry…thought I'd include a little of myself in the story. **

**Oh yeah, and those new clothes that they are wearing, they'll be keeping those clothes for mostly the entire story, because in Naruto they never change their clothes hardly ever. So…yeah. I thought I'd keep it vaguely the same because that's how I imagine the Naruto world being. **

**If you want me to send you links to them in clothes a bit like mine then just ask C=**

**Um, if you notice contradictions in Sasuke's thoughts, know that this is the way I pictured his mind being, undecided and confused, but not aware of it…just thought I'd let you know lol**

…**I've never gotten so little reviews before. It was slightly disheartening, but nevertheless I will continue!!! **

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Xx..xX**


	3. Plan

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Plan**

This new island forestry was different to anything I'd seen before. The whole place was much different to the grassy hills of the tea country or the ferocious forests of the fire country. This place seemed more…tropical. It wasn't necessarily warm, not at the pace we were walking – from now on we were civilians and would use strictly common movements and actions – but the air seemed moist and the plants around us looked damp with dew. Even the floor was mossy, wet, yet it wasn't muddy. It was all very clean. I could get used to a place like this.

Naruto is following close behind me, I could hear from the squelching of his feet that he was finding it harder to move through the dense forestry than I was. What a loser. Sure, the trees were close together and you had to swerve from time to time in order to avoid puddles, but it certainly wasn't hard to move through, and as mentioned previously, it was not dirty either. I was particularly thankful for the latter fact since it meant we wouldn't need to purchase new clothes.

We couldn't risk stealing from anywhere now that we'd arrived, everything had to be strictly obedient and I was going to make sure we enrolled in everything we should. We couldn't stand out of the crowd; we had to blend in as though we really were civilians.

"Hey, Sasuke?" I smothered a sigh, what now?

"What?" I made sure to snap at him; he was more irritating the longer we stayed together; Sasuke this…Sasuke that…Sasuke…Sasuke…Sasuke. Argh! I needed to calm down. It wasn't his fault he had such little brains.

"Err…what are we gonna do…you know, when we get there. We don't have a place to live." He did have a point, but I'd already planned everything out. We'd get a job, we'd go to school…if we were expected to, perhaps they didn't go to school here as long as they did in Konoha. I knew in Konoha civilians were expected to attend school up until the age of sixteen. Whether the people here even attended school we'd need to find out later. As for where we'd sleep; I'd spotted a cave we passed a few hours ago and it seemed suitable enough for Ninja's like ourselves, with our strengthened senses we'd easily be able to cover for sleeping in a cave if we were found. We might do that until we could afford a place of our own from working. If I couldn't get something better that is. I'd rather not risk seeming odd.

"Sasuke-" He tried to contact me again, probably to repeat his question, but I silenced him with a harsh interruption.

"I will tell you what to do when it becomes necessary. I have everything figured out so just shut up." He grumbled a bit about me but I ignored it. I was unconcerned by his nonsense.

The foliage began to clear and soon we stumbled upon a small path, it was heading north east from where we stood but I didn't hesitate to follow it. There could only be one village on an island this small. And by common sense a path like this was bound to head to it. Sure enough, as I'd predicted, we found the entrance to the village Riera very soon. I heard Naruto puff a bit behind me, and was surprised by his actions…was he actually using his head for once? If we were not ninja then we would surely be worn out even by the short – for our standards - walk from the shore. I pretended he wasn't taking our situation into account. He must have really been tired.

Taking a look around at the village, I soon realized that this may not be as difficult as I'd first presumed. The people walking by us as we walked slowly down the main street took no notice of us, short glances and small frowns were all we got. Occasionally someone would smile and I knew that Naruto smiled back every time; it was just his nature. I didn't bother. Acting like a civilian did not entail acting nice. Stopping where I estimated was the centre of the street, for it was where the most shops were situated as well as people, I turned to Naruto sternly.

"Okay. I want you to listen carefully. I want no mistakes. You are to wander through town and look for jobs," he looked ready to interrupt but I spoke over him. "I want you to take a note of each with details of wages and working hours. Is that clear?"

"Well…what are you going to do? Why do I have to look for jobs?"

Sighing, I answered him reluctantly; why did he need to know so much? "I will be at the school. There is bound to be one here and we are going to atten-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Sasuke! I don't wanna go back to school! Besides we can't go to school if we're working." He actually looked distressed at the idea, but I didn't give it a thought; he would do as I said.

"We will work part time, that is why you need the hours. Write everything down if you are incapable of remembering." And with that I took off walking again, passing him by without a glance, but I could feel his glare follow me up the street and smirked, if he actually thought it would make me take that back he had another thing coming.

Passing a shop I peered through the window to check the time - it was half four in the afternoon. This place was rather warm for being further south. Usually the southern islands tended to be colder, yet this one seemed almost tropical. I noticed by what the people were wearing, some in jackets and others in trousers, while few wore skirts or shorts, that this was probably a colder day for this village.

Following a few more road directions and guessing my location, I unbuttoned my over shirt, taking pleasure in the feeling of the very light breeze sinking more easily through my clothes and onto my skin. I kept my mind on the target as I moved though, paying only slight attention to the buildings around me and looking for only one. What I found instead of a school was three large buildings, only one and a half of which I could see.

I knew immediately, from the children emerging from one of the doors, that this was what I was looking for. Ignoring the smaller bodies I moved through the crowd and straight into the building, noting immediately that there was no protection around this place. I was a stranger to this town and yet it was easy for me to locate and enter the school with ease. This place…was not like anywhere I'd been before.

I made my way down the first corridor until I came to a door labelled as '_office_'. I knocked once before entering. It was a quiet room with only one woman sitting at a desk, while a similar desk behind her was empty. She had red hair and a firm smile on her lips, certainly not someone Sasuke thought should be working in a school. Directly in front of her was a large wooden counter on which a few papers were stacked.

"Excuse me." I had to be polite, of course; I wasn't going to insult her before getting what I wanted. "Do you know where the headmaster is?" Because that was who I'd need to talk to.

She smiled sweetly at me and answered in a kind voice, "Yes, of course, it's the first door on the left as you leave this room; it'll say 'Mr Okido' on the door." Her voice didn't even sound forced, she genuinely seemed happy and nice. What a weird person. I nodded and left, hoping that this 'Okido' man would be less cheerful than that woman had been.

I reached the room without problem and sure enough, the name was on the door with small writing underneath saying '_headmaster's office_'. It irritated me. I didn't bother to knock this time, figuring the man probably wouldn't mind since he would be gaining two new students. And as expected the man inside did nothing but smile joyfully at me and gesture at a seat in front of his desk.

This room was much different from the other in the same way that it was similar. Predictable. Boring. Bright; not the colours, they were simple and plain, but the atmosphere made me want to leave. Mr Okido, I presumed, sat behind a large mahogany desk in the centre of the far wall opposite the door. He looked…nice, for lack of a better word. He didn't look like a head master should look. Children couldn't be that great.

And this man certainly seemed to think things were great. His grin won over Naruto's by a mile, stretching over almost his entire freckled face. He was ginger and pale, with a small pointy beard at the tip of his chin, and a pointy little moustache to match. His suit was green and blue over his large, plump form, and from what I could tell he wasn't tall. He also looked a little young to master a school this big, but I didn't bother saying anything. I couldn't be too rude.

"Me and my friend just got here and would like to enrol ourselves here, I assume there are papers we will need to fill in or such?" this time he laughed, a large, boisterous laugh that filled the room and brightened the atmosphere yet again. I could almost feel my eyebrow twitch.

"Of course young lad. What do you know! I have some right here!" And with another giggle he produced a folder from a drawer behind the desk. I didn't pay much attention to him as he flipped through the files until he came across the one he wanted. I was glad when he began putting the folder back, though, the sooner I got out of there the better. This man was too…jubilant.

"Here we are! I've given you two of everything, that way your friend won't have to fill these out either. And here at Riera's learning facility we value human rights more than anything; you'll find no questions in those papers that you will be forced to answer." Again with that stupid laugh, "but we would like you to at least try heh." And then, when he actually winked at me, I wanted to grab him by the throat and shove him head first through his desk. I controlled the urge. It wasn't very strong anyway.

I was about to get out of that place when he stopped me again with his chirpy, painstakingly annoying voice. "Oh, and if you need anything…you know, any help with getting started out in this village. Since you're new and everything heh, don't hesitate-"

"We won't be needing any assistance in starting out." I interrupted abruptly, would this man ever stop?!

Obviously not. "Oh, Hogwash! If you ever need anything I'll be right here to help you. I basically run this town and you can count on it that not a soul goes unhappy." I very much doubted that, and I said so before walking out, papers snatched from the table with a glare aimed at his jolly face. What nonsense did these people believe in…nobody goes unhappy? Ridiculous.

I sighed as I made my way through the village again, keeping an eye out for the dobe. My next problem was where we would rest, but that all depended on the job we'd get, and the job we got depended on the school hours, which I wasn't going to find out until I handed the papers back and received the introduction. I knew immediately who I'd be sending back tomorrow. Naruto would handle someone like that so much better than me, I wasn't afraid to admit that. Idiots often flock together.

Now where was the dobe?

You would think that, being such a small village, a blond idiot would be easy to find. Obviously that was not the case, since despite the assignment I had given him, I could see him nowhere. I'd walked the main street repeatedly; looking for him as he was supposed to be looking for jobs. My patience had nearly given out when I eventually found him.

His voice was what alerted me to his location – I could identify his loud, playful laugh anywhere. It came from a run down, two story building, quite obvious a bar, at the far end of the road, nearer the school than the entrance, surrounded by trees all along one side. As such it appeared to be at the end of the entire village. Taking a look backwards to the exit, I finally realised just how small this place was. Nevertheless, I entered the grungy looking bar with distaste. We would not be getting a job here. I refused to degrade myself.

Naruto knew immediately when I stepped in, bouncing over from where he'd gathered with two men and a woman at the bar. I glared at him and sneered, "What do you think you are doing here? In a disgusting place like this?" He just laughed again and grabbed me tightly by the arm, dragging me over to the bar stools where the people were waiting with amused smiles. I ripped my arm away from him when we got there; refusing to take the seat he pushed towards me. Looking down at the bar in hatred, I began calming my mind down. Trying to at least; I wanted out of there.

The lady standing with one of the men behind the bar – a tall, slim, brunette woman with an abundance of make-up coating her face – giggled deeply at me. "Well, you are a feisty one, aren't you?" I did not answer her. We had no business here and I didn't intend to stay. Stepping away from the bar, I prepared to leave; I'd wait for the dobe outside, if at all. But a strong, determined hand found the curve of my back, settling there and keeping me firmly in place.

"You can't go outside yet Sasuke." I couldn't believe the nerve this boy had. "These nice people here are gonna help us. I've told them our whole story and-"

"You've done what?!" I couldn't help it, not only had he talked to me as though I were a mere child, but to have blown our cover when we'd been here less than a day…but I began to question Naruto's sanity for an entirely different reason as he promptly walked from the bar to the door, a frown on his face and his hand still in place. How many times had he pushed me around in a matter of minutes? I certainly would not stand for this. But I also could not cause a scene; not when we were so new to the village. I held my tongue, and my actions, as he stopped by the dirty mahogany door. We still weren't leaving?

He whispered to me, a strange expression on his face. It made _the feeling_ appear within me once more and I closed my eyes to listen. "I didn't tell them the truth. I told them all I needed to and I'll tell you all that later. Don't worry, it actually helped…" he trailed off, taking us back towards the bar and I opened my eyes to see him smile again. Damn this feeling to hell! "As I was saying – not only are they gonna give us a job, but we'll get to live here too." I swore my eyes widened a fraction. He wanted us to live…here? But it was a bar. Not a very successful one, but a bar nonetheless. What was he thinking?

"Oh yeah, sure you boys can stay here. It ain't much, but upstairs the whole flat's free. Me and Siizo here live in a house along the edge of town so we don't need the room. Besides we'll let you stay for free if you don't complain about the wages." He winked at Naruto and the dobe laughed. What was I thinking, coming here? I hadn't met anybody sane since I'd stepped foot inside the village. I glared at them, but they just seemed to brush it off; like I didn't really matter. As though I was a mere child. They spoke to Naruto more maturely than they treated me.

I took a good look at them. The man who'd just spoken had his arm around the woman's waist – Siizo, he said her name was? – and she was leaning heavily on his broad shoulders. For such a thin lady she looked even skinnier beside him. Not that the man was fat…just…big. He reminded me of that man…Jiraiya, who Naruto had trained with. His hair was thinning too at the front and his face matched his body. To some this man might have looked intimidating but not to me; I was a ninja.

The last man, more like a boy since he only looked about twenty compared to the couple who seemed in their forties, slouched on the bar from our side, yet he didn't look like a customer; I guessed he might have been a barman or something. The place was dead anyway. He was a bit more like myself. He was lean and tall…well; I suppose he might have been slightly short for his age in comparison to me at fifteen. Unless I'd guessed wrong about his age. He wore dark casual clothes and looked more normal than anybody I'd seen in this village yet. His hair was blond, but in a dirty way, not like Naruto's which was more like florescent – annoying – and his skin was pale; he didn't seem to be paying much attention to the conversation so I forgot about him as I turned back to Naruto.

Why did the boy still have his hand on my back? "We will not work here."

Naruto looked aghast. "Teme! They are going to let us stay here for free! This is really great."

I shook my head and turned more to face him, his hand retracting with the movement. "No, dobe. They will pay us pennies" I heard the older man try to say something, but ignored him. "I don't want to work in a place like this."

"Shut up, Sasuke. This is a good deal and you know it, stop bitching!"

I almost gasped. Bitching! I growled, hoping he'd surrender. "This is a dingy little bar. We won't get paid enough for food and clothes, so getting to stay somewhere that is falling apart isn't exactly compensation."

"It's hardly falling apart, sure it's shabby but it just needs a little work…some paint and stuff. This is a good deal and if you don't take it, I will. You can go and find somewhere else to stay if you're going to be so _bitchy_!" I sneered at him; I wish he wouldn't call me that!

"I am not being bitchy, I'm thinking with my brain. Something I don't expect you to understand since you don't have one!" He actually scoffed at me. I can't believe him, scoffing at me!

"Oh come on, you're the bitchiest person I know, even worse than Ino! This place ain't bad Sasuke. This is the best we're going to get."

"Ch, do you even remember what the other options were?" He probably wouldn't since the friendliness I sensed here suggested he'd been nearly nowhere else.

"I remember all the ones I went to. This is the best we'll get; I don't want to sleep outside till we work up enough money for a stupid hotel. This will be ours!"

Hardly, it would still be theirs and they'd pay us nothing….I didn't want to work in a bar! "We're not working here."

My head snapped round when the man from behind the bar laughed. "It's okay lad. We'll pay you fine enough. It won't be the best but it will be good for the living arrangements. We pay young Riki -" he gestured the man at the bar "- the same and he don't complain. We'll even let you guys live here, just 'cause you got nowhere else." He paused for a moment, but I only glared at him. He'd interrupted our argument. But as I turned back to Naruto, I found I didn't want to argue. What was that point? I didn't care anyway.

"The name's Kippomaru, by the way, Sasuke. Naruto's told us all about you." I sniffed, how dare this man call me by name; he didn't even know me.

"Where's the room?" At this Naruto hopped up and down beside me, a grin lighting up his whiskered face. I wondered if he'd found a good excuse for them, but in my mood I didn't ask. I wanted to see for myself what a state we'd be living in.

"Yay, Sasuke! I'll Show you right now! Come on!" He reached out to grab me again, but I pulled away; he'd had his hands on me far too much for my liking. Physical contact was something I despised. It brought things inside me to the surface that I'd rather stay hidden. I didn't miss the look on Naruto's face as he turned to lead me up the stairs, telling that Kippomaru – 'Kippo' he addressed him as – that he'd be back in a minute. I wouldn't be.

He took me through a door at the side of the bar, and up a set of stairs to the side. The room behind the bar appeared to be nothing more than for storage. It was quite big too, what a waste of space. The stairs spiralled as we ascended and I could actually imagine they might have looked nice once upon a time.

The staircase lead into a small rectangular room, what I took to be the living room, which had two windows along the length of one side – The one I presumed was at the front of the building - a door at the far side, and two more doors on the back wall. Furniture was scarce. I'd expected that since he said no one lived here. But there wasn't even a television; just two scruffy couches and a coffee table. With a small huff I walked through the first door on the right.

It was a kitchen. To be honest I was rather surprised by it. Not that it looked any cleaner than the rest of this place, but it was equipped with what looked like a washing machine, and a cooker, and a microwave, and a refrigerator, not to mention a little round dining table. There was a sink with a window above it, letting light into the room and bringing the dust nodes to life. Hn, the room was small but I'd admit it was adequate for the two of us. If anything actually worked that is.

I walked out and through the second door on this wall, ignoring Naruto as he enquired about my opinion. This one was a bedroom, the only one in this flat I guessed, and it was small. I was, again, surprised that it fit a double bed in it, not to mention the long wardrobe against the wall. I was uninterested in this room and so wondered through the only door left; hoping that this one would not be as bad as I expected.

It wasn't. It was worse. This was the bathroom. Not that there was a bath, no, but there was a shower, coated in so much dust and mould that I had to turn my eyes away. The toilet faired a little better but the water inside was a filthy brown colour and the whole room stank. I quickly turned around and left, shutting the door behind me.

I turned angry eyes to Naruto, but when he opened his mouth the say something, I punched him. Hard. Not hard enough to draw attention to us, but hard enough to draw a satisfactory groan from his body as he lay on the floor. That was for touching me.

Because believe it or not, I was actually more upset about him putting his hands on me and pushing me around than I was about this apartment. Because, having looked around, I liked it. I could picture it the way I wanted it. I could picture it being a good little flat after I was through with it. Maybe not the best, since it was above a dingy bar…but that could also be mended. I would think of ways to make this place successful and up our wages. I would make a plan.

Speaking of which…

"Fucking idiot. What the hell did you think you were doing, Naruto? Changing all of my plans, and ordering me around like some insignificant child." Naruto's deep blue eyes stared up at me from his position on the floor and _that_ fucking _feeling_ pooled in the bottom of my stomach. I almost felt bad for hitting him. The poor boy had thought he was doing what was best. "What story did you give them anyway?" I took a seat on the ground in front of his, my legs crossed as I watched him get into a more comfortable position. I though he might shout at me for the punch, but he didn't. Probably knew he deserved it. Probably knew it had been coming.

"I told them we were from a little village inland, didn't give them a name, I'm not that imaginative, but I don't think they really cared anyways…erm, I said that there was trouble there and that we were poor and were forced to leave. I said we were orphaned brothers who came here looking for work and education, you know, since you said we had to go to school here, I figured I'd stick to the plan. And that was about it, they pretty much offered us this place if we worked for....um…£40 a shift, I think it was…but it is different depending on how long the shift is."

He looked at me then, his eyes boring into my soul in a way that I hated but he'd always managed to succeed at. I felt as though he could see right through me. But all I could say was; "You said we were brothers?" I knew my face must have broken its usual indifference, but it was just…so stupid. We looked nothing alike. And the thought pissed me off. Why the hell did he want us to be brothers so much? I didn't want him as a brother.

He laughed a little, seeing his silliness. "Yeah, well, I said that we were step brothers; that your mom married my dad so…yeah." I felt like arguing with him, but I couldn't be bothered. I was tired. I was sitting on a dusty wooden floor in an unfamiliar village where the people were so weird I almost couldn't stand it. I just couldn't be bothered.

"Hey…Sasuke?" he said again after a moment of silence. I couldn't even muster the energy to scowl or snap at him.

My reply was clearly tired. "What?"

"Are you okay? You know…with this?" For a moment I wasn't sure what he meant, but when I realised he was talking about our accommodation I grunted, knowing he'd understand. I didn't care. The silence returned and I stared out the window, you could hardly see through the glad due to stale dust and deal insects, not to mention the spider webs.

"…Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Is it okay if I go back down? I want to talk with Rizzo and Kippo some more." He sounded so hopeful, as if my answer meant everything, although I knew he'd go with or with or my permission.

I felt myself sigh, but heard nothing. "…whatever."

"Where will you sleep tonight?" He asked, almost immediately following it with "'cause I'm taking the bed."

"I don't care. I wouldn't sleep in that dusty bed anyway. I'll clean everything tomorrow and…sleep on the floor tonight." He seemed slightly disheartened but I couldn't tell why.

"Well…I'm gonna go back down now…you sure you're okay?" Why…did I look sad to him or something?

"Go." And he did, but not before pausing at the staircase, turning back to me with a frown and saying, "didn't you get something on the school today?" Hn, and I'd almost forgotten about it. I knew it was early in the evening, but I couldn't be bothered filling out the forms tonight. We'd do it in the morning.

"I have everything sorted. I'll tell you in the morning about it."

At that he looked even more disheartened, but nodded and left me alone. I sighed and stretched out on the floor, wincing at the thought of the dust clinging to my clothes. I should have been grateful; I had a roof over my head. But I could only feel slightly bemused. I don't know why I felt so tired. I knew, technically it was expected since we'd been travelling so long with only one short break. But I was different. I don't get tired any more. I haven't in so long.

In all honesty I feared sleep. I feared my nightmares and I feared waking from them. Because my life was almost the same as my dreams; a nightmare. Yet for the first time in a long time, I actually wanted to rest, and as my eyes grew heavy and slid closed, I couldn't help that my lips twitched at the sound of Naruto's laughter drifting up from the bar below. Perhaps…this wouldn't be so bad.

_The yelling was insistent, causing my head to throb and pound in distress; wouldn't this stupid kid just shut the hell up?! He was only about 10; the boy. Barely old enough to be a ninja. I wished we could shut him up, but not even my paralysis jutsu couldn't get past his secure mind and so the rest of Akatsuki were trying to shut him up the 'easy way'. Well…it had been called the easy way up until now. _

_The boy wouldn't shut up though, yelling and cursing about "wretched animals", "monsters", "inhuman barbarians" and other general insults. It was getting the others frustrated. It was usually the jinchuuriki's who were labelled as 'monsters'. I just watched from the sidelines. I have to say that I've never felt so out of place. I knew, for the first time since I'd joined, that I really didn't belong there. Oh well…whatever. _

_I saw them dragging the kicking, raging boy over to the circle and vaguely wondered what they were doing. It took me only moments to realise. They had run out of patience. They were going to do it with him conscious. I'm not sure how I knew, but at that moment I knew it wasn't going to be nice. I watched, numbly, as they strapped him down, because he was still fully able to walk and they couldn't risk that._

_I felt sick. I'd never really killed anyone before. Nobody innocent. Nobody like this child before me. He was just a child, panting and screaming, and now, begging. I turned my head away, looking at the wall and the rest of Hebi as they stood beside me. I could tell by the looks on their faces that none of them enjoyed what was happening. _

"_Please" the boy begged, his voice tearing my eyes back to him and I stared into his coal black eyes, watery and pleading. "I don't want to die…please. I don't understand, I never did anything wrong…" I stared, keeping my face apathetic as he wept on the stone floor. We were in some sort of old basement this time. It was cold and the boy shivered, though I didn't think it was from the icy air, more than likely it was from the sobs that wracked his little body. _

_I felt sick. This was so wrong. I'd seen people die before, I'd seen many ninja fall when I was with Orochimaru. But they were fighters, they were strong, they fought for their lives and died for their own purpose. Those people, I knew, had killed others. I knew those people were skilled killers. Even the ones that may not have killed…they were not innocent. They were all dangerous, mercenaries or pawns who willingly gave their lives to the snake. _

_This little boy. He was no killer. He wasn't a mercenary or a pawn. He was just a little boy. This was nothing I'd seen before. The only name I could find for this was murder. They were going to murder him, and I stood by and watched as my uncle approached him. I watched, cold heartedly as he raised a fist and hit the boy, sending his small body slamming down onto the ground with a sickening thud. I watched as he told the boy – the innocent child – that he was nothing, that he was just a monster, that he was worthless and that nobody would come to save him because of those reasons. _

_I felt sick. But I watched as Akatsuki got into position, as they began this thing they called a 'ceremony'. I could hear the eyes opening, the feeling of the demon chakra spilled through the air and the child screamed again, in fear, in shock, in desperation. He begged for his life but they could not hear him, or chose to ignore him. But I watched. I couldn't take my eyes off him. They had reduced him to nothing, in only a matter of moments since they had tied him up, they had made him plead for his life. All the way here this boy had been so strong. He'd shouted and tore at them with his nails, insulted them and yelled in anger, his small frame bursting with rage. But now…now he was reduced to a scared little child. No…he was always a child, he was just scared in the beginning. He didn't understand. _

_It was then that the screaming really started. His body stopped moving and he was thrown down on his back, the muscles in his arms and chest – which was bare from his struggling – twitched from the strain and pain. His voiced echoed in the cellar, this dungeon we were in. His pain was so obvious that my headache was left forgotten as I watched him in horror. _

_Small pools of black chakra seeped from his open mouth and dribbled from the corners of his eyes, soaked with tears. Every opening on his body was used for extraction; his eyes, his ears, his nose, mouth, fingers, toes. Blobs of that hideous chakra floated out through the fabric of his torn trousers and he screamed. So loud and with a voice so broken and pained that I couldn't stand it. I turned and walked from the room, though the long corridors, and though the entry of this place. I don't even know where we were and at that moment I couldn't think of anything but what I'd just witnessed. What I knew was still happening from the muffled noises that carried through the walls._

_He was still screaming. _

_I was sick. _

_It didn't take long for Hebi to join me. Karin's eyes were wide and unblinking and Juugo looked as though he was going to cry. Nobody asked me about my leaving. Nobody questioned the patch of vomit on the earthy ground. I wouldn't have answered them anyway. _

_I can't remember how long it was that we stayed outside, in the heat of the desert we were in, looking at nothing for miles all around us. Our only entertainment the horrendous noise coming from underground. I couldn't stop thinking about that child. I knew eventually the screaming would stop. And I had to be in there when it did. I couldn't risk the rest of them thinking I was anything but strong. I didn't want my uncle to know how that had made me _feel_. Because I don't feel any longer. I'm empty. A shell. I'm not supposed to feel any more. I still felt sick. _

_I knew when it was coming and I entered the basement again. His voiced was cracked and weak and it was obvious what was happening. It was almost finished. I got back down there – Hebi in tow – just in time to see it. I took my place against the wall and watched again. I saw his eyes clear from that bubbly black chakra, the last of the trails slithering out of him and I saw his eyes as he died. I watched as a single tear escaped a blurred eye and I couldn't take my own off him. _

_I could hear Akatsuki step down from the alters; their job complete. I heard as most of them sauntered off, glad to be finished. Madara approached the body, limp and broken, cutting the bonds before turning to me. _

"_Clean up the mess." I knew what he meant and I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hit him more than I think I've ever wanted to hit somebody before. Even Itachi. Because I didn't want to hit Itachi, I wanted to kill him. There is a very clear difference. _

_So I did as I'd been told. Telling my followers to stay there, I carried the corpse away, back out into the desert and along a few miles to a cliff. I don't know if you'd call it a cliff really -it was a strange place. The sand stopped at a drop almost like a waterfall only not flowing. I dumped the boys body just before the ledge. Then I dropped to my knees beside him. _

_I continued to stare. His blank eyes stared right back at me and I wished he would blink again. Scream and yell obscenities that ten year olds should not know. I don't know why I felt so sad. I couldn't explain it. I didn't even know this child. I ran a hand through his tousled dark hair. It was spiky, almost like Naruto's, but not near as messy. _

_I wanted to cry. I felt like it would ease the feeling gathering in my chest. But tears would not come, I knew why. It was because I truly did not care for this boy. I cared for what he stood for. They had just murdered a child in cold blood. He was defenceless. He was a mere little boy, killed simply for being a jinchuuriki. Yeah. It hurt more thinking about the cause of his death than the fact that he was dead. I don't know why but I felt something I was almost sure was fear trickle down my spin and I shivered before pushing him over the edge. _

_I didn't watch as he fell. I tightened my hands into firsts. I didn't care about the boy. He didn't remind me of Naruto and I was not afraid. I was not afraid. I was strong and I was just being silly. Why should I care that he was murdered because he was a demon container. My answer was simple and it came to me straight away._

_Naruto._

_It was the only answer I could come up with. See? I'm not in denial. I'm simply remembering feelings I used to experience when I still had a purpose, before I'd lost everything and they ha built up and broken me down slightly. That was all. I was not in denial so I could admit that. I did not care about Naruto I just felt things when I remembered him. That was all. And I'd prove it. I'd prove to everyone just how cold I was. I'd prove to myself. _

_I'd give them Naruto. _

My eyes snapped open, the dream fading into the back of my mind, my memories. I had a lot of them. Every night they would come back to me. Every time I slept. Looking out the window I saw that dawn was approaching. I could hear Naruto snore in the bedroom and only then realise I'd been covered by an old blanket.

Yeah…that could have been worse.

**…**

**I'm sorry for the long time to update, but I was on holiday straight after my last chapter went up, and then when I got back my internet was down…it was still down when I finished this chapter…in fact as I'm writing this, it's still not working. I miss it…**

**So I'm going to upload this asap, and will start working on my next chapter right now. Who knows…it might even be up at the same time as this one depending on when I get the internet back. **

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Xx..xX**


	4. Boredom

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Boredom**

It felt strange. Watching Naruto sleep. He was so different than when he was awake. So much…quieter. Not in the literal sense, since he was snoring rather loudly, but...there was something much softer about him when he slept. Something much less annoying. I can't remember how long I'd been sitting by the bed, leaning on the side of the soft mattress, trying to ignore the dust that was clinging to my clothes.

I'd needed to have a shower, but that would come later. Right now I needed to wake the idiot up. I had let him sleep far later than myself. But perhaps that was just to stop him from complaining and giving me a headache. Anyway…it certainly didn't take much to wake him up after all.

"Naruto!" And with a start, he was awake. He sprung up from the bed as though he were being attacked, and perhaps he thought that was the situation. "Get dressed. We've got papers to fill out." I didn't wait for a reply from him as he looked at me with large sleepy eyes. Hn, dobe.

I made my way back to the living area, seating myself back on the blanketed floor where I'd slept. There was less dust there and I avoided thinking of that stuff being on my clothes. I was glad we'd seen that washing machine in the Kitchen. I'd make it work. I took the papers from an inside pocket of my over-shirt, they were slightly crinkled at the edges but I smoothed them out on the floor regardless; one facing me and one facing opposite me, for when Naruto arrived.

If I could I would have filled them out myself, but I didn't think Naruto would appreciate it and he'd likely mess up my plans again. Besides, I had other things to do than take these back to school and be introduced to their intelligence system. I couldn't care less. I'd send Naruto whilst I shopped around town and cleaned the flat.

Eventually, after what felt like forever, Naruto emerged from the bedroom, his horrendous clothing looking – if possible – worse than before. I'd have to wash those as well; it looked like he'd spilled something on them from the night before - a large stain adorned the front of his black top. What a loser. At least he knew what was expected of him since he took a seat in front of me and picked up the papers.

"So what's the school like, Sasuke? Is it cool? – probably not, since it's school – did you see anybody who looked nice?"

I snorted, "Everybody looked _nice_," I made sure to say the word with as much disgust as I felt. "Now, you said that you told them we were step brothers; we'll have the same last name then." I neatly wrote down my first name in the first box and pondered on our last name for a moment; I wanted it to be something that fitted nicely with both our names but also something that was not too daring; it would need to be 'normal'.

I wrote down 'Sato' and watched as Naruto did the same. Sato was a popular last name in the civilian world, I'd read that once, though I don't know why they bother with such insignificant matters. Nevertheless the next question asked our date of birth, I assumed Naruto would know his so I took no time to write my own down. The next few questions were also a cinch, asking our gender, the address of where we were living – I had to tell Naruto, since he'd not bothered to take note of this residence – the home telephone number; we didn't have one, special educational needs; I wanted to tell Naruto to put 'yes' but thought better of it; it would be childish to start a fight and I didn't even know where the urge had come from.

The problem emerged when it came to the details of parents with parental responsibility. I ignored the tug inside my chest. How were we supposed to answer that without looking suspicious? "Naruto." He seemed to snap out of a daze when I called his name, and only then did I realise how silent it was in the room. "Sasuke…" We stared at each other for a long moment, and I wondered where _the feeling_ was; it usually showed up at times like these. But it was nowhere in sight and for that I was glad, since it made things all the more easy to dismiss the heavy atmosphere and continue what I was saying.

"You told them we were orphans." He nodded. "Did you mention anything about them?" He shook his head. "Then it's not applicable." And with that I filled in all the boxes with an 'N/A', watching as Naruto copied in his messy handwriting. The next asked for details of any siblings attending the school, or 'educational establishment' as they put it. We wrote each other down.

The last question was of multiple choice; three to be exact, and it asked which establishment we wished to be placed. I wasn't sure what that meant but I had a good idea that it was something to do with there being three buildings. I told Naruto he'd have to ask when he handed this to the headmaster and got the tour around the premises. Naturally, after me mentioning about him being the one to go, there was a group of questions thrown at me, each excitable and nerve grating. I didn't respond to any of them. Though I had to wonder if Naruto cared, since the voice continued to blabber on regardless of my silence.

Thankfully, it took me less time that I'd anticipated to throw Naruto out with the forms. His questions still unanswered. He'd find everything out when he got there. I smirked at the thought of the annoying headmaster being Naruto's guide - If it was the headmaster that would show him around – if he was going to be shown around at all. It's not like the guy had said he'd show me around, I just assumed he would since the three buildings had to be significant to the school.

I almost sighed as I turned to look around the house once more, this time searching in cupboards to see what we actually had – possession-wise. As it turned out, like I'd assumed, we had next to nothing. First of all I'd searched for black bags, which I found in the large storage room downstairs. Then I went to clear out. I had found a few old towels and blankets - one of which I had slept under, useless things really, with holes and stains all over them - in the living room. They'd been the first things to go in the bag. Next I'd rummaged through the empty kitchen only to find it was just that. Empty. To think I'd expected that to be the room with the most useless old rubbish.

Next had been the bedroom which, surprisingly, held the most useless old rubbish. The long wardrobe by the wall kept not only moth-eaten clothes, but also a number of personal belongings. I didn't know whose belongings they were so I didn't throw them away; instead I put them in a separate black bag with a neat little knot at the top, loose in case I found something else. It wouldn't do to get in trouble for throwing away other people's belongings, it's not like I cared. The clothes came with me as I trailed the bag through the apartment.

The next room was the bathroom, and I have to admit I didn't look forward to it. Again though, this place was surprising as not only did it hold little to no useless old rubbish, but it also had a few bottles of disinfectant sprays as well as a first aid kit. It had been clean and fresh so I'd put it aside for later, along with the selection of cleaning materials.

Once I was through with collecting the mess, I tossed everything into a large bin out the back of the building, I'd only realised that there was something round the back when I'd gone searching for the bag itself. Up until then I had thought the back of this place went straight out into the woods. Other than that I was done with the flat. It was time to do some shopping.

Not proper shopping. That was for later. This was only for supplies I'd need whilst cleaning the apartment. That small selection I'd found stashed in the bathroom simply would not do the job. And I was not going to live in a house so dirty…messy wasn't as bad but I couldn't stand dirt. I'm not sure how I ever could stand living under ground with Orochimaru. It was always filthy down there.

I didn't bother searching for the best shop around; I simply went into the first I saw that looked like it would sell cleaning supplies. It did. I was thankful I hadn't needed to go somewhere else. I didn't want Naruto to return before I was finished. He'd just get in the way. While I was there I picked up some paint as well…just in case I finished early. Not that I really cared…but it was boring in that place on my own. Not that I wanted the idiots company…I just wanted the place to look…nice. I bought toiletries too, because, of course, I would be even more unclean after I worked on the apartment.

I started with the Kitchen, working my way around the doors and leaving the living room till last; it was the biggest and I had to walk through it to get to the other rooms so it was logical to finish there. And so I set to work. Washing down the walls and floor before scrubbing everything, I wanted to make sure everything was spotless. I even polished the window and the wooden cupboards when I realised they were wooden. They'd been so caked in mould and dust that I'd failed to notice that before.

And I have to say, one thing I did expect was that the room would look brand new when I was through with it. And it did. Once up to perfection I moved onto the next room, and the next, and the next. I found myself wondering how Naruto was doing with that guy – Mr Okido. Surely he'd find the man as infuriating as I had, perhaps even more so. Because that headmaster could even be louder than Naruto, and jollier too. What a nightmare. We had to go to that guy's school.

It angered me what he'd said too. That everyone in this town was happy. What a load of…well it certainly couldn't be true that's for sure. It was impossible that so many people could all be living fulfilling lives, wanting for nothing because they were all happy. Because there must have been about one hundred people in this little village. They couldn't all be happy. People were never happy. I'd never met anyone genuinely happy. Perhaps that's what made this place so strange to me. And it certainly was strange. That boy who'd sat by the bar yesterday had been the most normal I'd seen yet, and even he had been soaked in this weirdness for so long it had sunk deep onto his pores. He'd stank of it.

Thinking back to yesterday brought _the feeling_ back. It was so sudden and unexpected that I actually dropped the brush I was using at the time. I had an inkling as to why it had shown up. Damn Naruto and his touching. The blond had been seriously out of line yesterday. I don't know what he was thinking but I hope the thought never crosses his mind again. Or I might break his nose. Hn, that would be satisfying. It might even make me feel happy. The fact that I was being sarcastic seemed strange to me. It had been a long time since I'd seen 'funny'.

Naruto's laughing yesterday, now that I think back on it, had sounded so pure, so lively, so real. It had been a long time since I'd heard genuine laughter like that. Though thinking of his laugh made _the feeling_ approach my stomach and I quickly changed my train of thought. Not very far though. Why did this keep happening to me? This thing – whatever it may be – was one of the most bizarre experiences I'd ever had. It was just so unpredictable. Sometimes it would come again and again repeatedly at the mere thought of blond hair or blue eyes. Then sometimes it was so scarce I forgot it even existed.

I'd like that. For it not to exist. These past few days had been so confusing to me, I was really getting fed up with it. I turned my thoughts back to more practical things. I sat on the couch, the one thing I hadn't managed to repair completely – the bed had been almost immaculate under all that mossy dust – and closed my eyes. I didn't feel tired, but I was stopping for only a moment before I'd consider starting on the painting. I'd thought of the floors but they were bearable for the moment. The wood was stained but in a nice way. I could live with it. We had little money as it was.

The walls though, were a different story. Certainly not bearable in the slightest. There had been what I presumed was wallpaper on before hand, so I'd peeled the remainder off and it now looked like something you'd find in an Orochimaru Hideout. I've seen enough of them to say they were disgusting. Like black dirt and grime running around the walls. I'd cleaned them all but they were stained. They'd need a few coats of paint.

So I set to work on my next task. The walls. All of them. I'd picked colours that Naruto would probably call predictable, but I didn't care. For the bedroom it was a deep red, the Kitchen white, the bathroom too, and the living room dark blue. It took no time at all to apply the first coat and then I was rendered bored while the paint dried. The expression 'to watch paint dry' acquired a whole new meaning. And as boredom does, it forced me into thinking again and to avoid _the feeling_ I thought of my messenger raven.

He would have reached Konoha shortly after I'd sent him, certainly before we'd arrived here, yet there was no reply. They had not destroyed him – I would have felt that – so I supposed they would be considering their options. They had very little. Obviously the Hokage would be furious, but would she risk disbelief at the cost of Naruto's life? Probably not. I'd heard how fond she'd grown of him. I shouldn't have expected her to send any money, though, but unconsciously I had hoped. I didn't like the thought of working here. It needed a lot of cleaning downstairs. The Hokage and the rest of the Konohan idiots had probably dubbed me a liar and decided that Naruto was already deceased. Hn, they might even throw him a funeral.

I found the thought humorous, for some disturbing reason, but I just couldn't picture Naruto's funeral. Funerals were bleak, deathly, cold and dreary – they were upsetting and stiff and everything Naruto was not. I couldn't picture it at all in my mind. I tried but a flash of bright blond hair with deathly pale skin in an open coffin and _the feeling_ made another appearance. Shit.

This one was by far the worst dose I'd had of this thing. It stung not only my chest, but also my eyes, my stomach churned and I wanted to scream. Stupid feeling. Why so much today? Why was it giving me so much hassle? I gritted my teeth against the pain. This one was so much worse. The others had never been like this. More emotional, perhaps, but never painful. Not like this one.

And it was in that pain that I curled myself up on the sofa, my arms wrapped securely round my middle and my eyes screwed tightly shut. I didn't sleep, but my mind certainly did. I expected that when I came round Naruto would have returned, but he hadn't. The flat was still empty and I was still alone. I liked things better that way. I didn't need other people. They were just entertainment. I painted the second coat.

By the time I had finished everything it was bound to be afternoon and I was really starting to wonder how the dobe was taking so long…just a simple tour could not take this amount of time. But whatever he was doing, it seemed I would have to entertain myself. Perhaps a shower would waste some time. I'd planned to wait until Naruto came back, because then I could wash our clothes together. But I'd rather have a shower now. I needed one.

So I left my clothing in a pile and quickly entered the shower. Probably spending longer in than was absolutely necessary. It was as I had just finished with the shower that I heard the tell-tale footsteps that signalled Naruto's return. He had sure taken his time hadn't he?

"Sasuke?!" Maybe he had noticed what I'd done to the flat…

"That Mr Okido is awesome! He really was so nice, and he showed me around and everything, introduced me to the sensei's and all that–" Or maybe not…I quickly wrapped a towel around my waist - I had found some of those with the cleaning supplies under the sink – deciding to let myself drip dry, before stepping out of the steamy bathroom. I had noticed earlier, when cleaning, that the lock on the door was faulty, and knowing Naruto he might have walked in on me. I didn't want that; the idiot would make a scene.

His chatter about the oh-so-great Mr Okido halted when I entered the living room. I had enough time to warn _the feeling_ to stay away before I turned my attention to the blond. To say he was staring might have actually been an understatement. If he had been a cartoon character I could imagine his eyes popping out of their sockets, his jaw hitting the floor and an alarm sounding in the background. The thought made me snort which seemed to pull Naruto back to reality almost as much as it did me.

"T-teme! Put some clothes on! God! What are you doing?!" And I almost snorted again, but smirking seemed to make him even angrier since his face reddened and his eyes took on a new light. I'd never seen that look in his eyes.

"I was taking a shower, idiot. You should too. And my clothes are about to go in the washer, so deal with it." At that his face got even brighter and I congratulated myself on winding him up. Nothing was more amusing than an angry Naruto. But I should have seen that something was wrong when instead of screaming a reply, he merely stuttered something indulgent before rushing past me and straight into the bathroom. Hn, maybe he wasn't feeling well.

"Pass your clothes out when they're off and I'll put them in with mine." He didn't answer but a few moments late a pile was dumped outside the door.

Hn, who would have thought Naruto was self-conscious. I almost snorted; I was too gorgeous to be self-conscious. I knew I was good looking so why would I worry about people thinking I wasn't? I didn't care what people thought at all. But Naruto? I wouldn't have imagined someone with so much confidence would make such a big deal about showing his body to me; a boy; someone who had exactly the same as him. Because I did have exactly the same. We were both completely normal. Back when we were team-mates we had visited public baths often enough on missions to see exactly what the other had. I knew there was little difference. Yes, that was a few years ago, but puberty wouldn't make him abnormal. Right?

I should probably stop thinking about Naruto like that. I had only just realized how I had been thinking and it was probably not how I should be thinking of him. Why did I even look at him back then? I certainly had not been interested. My vision had simply wandered by accident.

After loading the washing machine – it gave me no trouble – I took my seat on the couch again, though this time I wasn't as bored. It was sort of weird, that. Because the circumstances were the same, I still had nothing to do. I listened to the sound of water running and felt relaxed. I decided not to question such details – they would only irritate me further.

Naruto didn't finish his shower for a long time. Naturally, in that time, my mind wandered. But this time I only thought of things with little importance. The heat in this place was phenomenal. Even the sand village did not have this heat. But it was a wet heat; definitely more tropical; the smell too, was tropical. I didn't like it. Not just because I despised sweating – I burned. Very easily. All Uchiha's did. It was genetic, I was sure.

Another thing which was genetic was my height. I remember, when I was a small child, I had looked up at my aniki and though Itachi was the tallest boy in the world. My father was a man; he didn't count. I soon learned that was not the case. Even my parents were short in comparison to other adult's out-with the Uchiha clan. We were just short people; we grew fast, yes, but it didn't last…I shouldn't speak like that…saying 'we'…sometimes my mind runs away from reality. I don't blame it.

What Naruto had said on our way here; about him over taking me. It was probably true. I'd more than likely reached the limit of my growth at this point. Not that it was a bad thing. Being short drastically helped my fighting technique. Not that it would matter as long as we were here.

That was something I had not considered. We would not be able to train because it was not worth getting caught for. We'd both loose a lot of what we had worked so hard to gain; our stealth, our chakra control, our techniques would worsen instead of growing. All in all; it would not be good. Great. Just another perk about this place. I hoped Naruto wouldn't realize anytime soon.

Once again, I wondered what was taking him so long. Showers surely did not take that long. And that idiot was usually too eager to take his time doing anything. What would he be like in school? I'd barely noticed him back in the ninja academy, and when I had it was only due to his idiocy. I never believed I'd be on a team with a nuisance like him. I hadn't thought he'd become a ninja at all.

But really, what was he doing in there? See if he had broken something…there would be hell to pay. I know I may have seemed impatient, but I wasn't. He really was taking a long time. And one stupid little _feeling_ nagged at my head; 'would he rather waste time in there just to avoid me?' Hn, stupid feeling, I'd be glad if that was the case.

Unfortunately, I knew it wasn't. Of course it wasn't. That dobe obsessed over me more than any fan girl I had ever met. He annoyed me more as well. I ignored that insignificant voice that mentioned how I would not have done all this for any fan girl.

It turned out Naruto stayed in the bathroom until our clothes were, not only washed, but dried too. And by dried, I mean hung out the back on a small clothes line. Because I wouldn't even use a jutsu to dry clothes - it was too risky. Naruto finished when I mentioned the clothes being done. It made me angry. What was his problem? Come on…seeing another guy with nothing on but a towel couldn't be that revolting. And the damn dobe hadn't even said anything about the flat. Not about the cleaning or the paint. I felt so angry.

So I ignored him when he finished changing. I just sat – clothed now, so he had nothing to throw a tantrum over – on the couch, staring at the wall. Glaring. Idiot Dobe!

"Hey, Sasuke. That shower is better than I thought it'd be, heh…" he sounded nervous.

I said nothing.

"We don't have any food do we?" He said; no, of course we don't idiot! Because I spent the only money we had on something you haven't even noticed!

I said nothing.

"Heeey…Sasukeee!" I felt him take a seat beside me, leaning over so that he could look closer into my face. I didn't move.

I said nothing.

"Yoo-hoo! I'm talking here!" Naruto wailed into my ear, but I didn't budge. I'd show him, ungrateful idiot.

I would say nothing.

"Huh…" He turned, distracted, to stare at the wall I was looking towards, cocking his head to the side. "Did something happen to the window? I can see out of it now." Idiot dobe!

I attacked.

…

**To reply to a review I got on the last chapter. The bar they work in…it sells alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks. I'm pretty sure that they are allowed to go into bars like that in the Narutoverse since Naruto has been in bars before (with Jiraiya when they first met Tsunade and when they were looking for her) and Lee was even allowed to drink some sake (though that might have been an accident) either way, I think they are allowed in bars so…yeah. I couldn't really write that down though because Sasuke wouldn't think of something like that if it wasn't abnormal for them.**

**Next chapter, they start school!!! I can't wait to write it! C=**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Xx..xX**


	5. Lessons

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Lessons**

Naruto was sulking. Though I suppose I was as well. I can't believe he hit me back! The nerve! Well…it would have been strange for him not to, since it is Naruto, and he probably hadn't been expecting it. But still! I had good reason! He didn't! And now we would both look stupid on our first day of school Black eyes and split lips. We hadn't taken things too far. I didn't want to damage the flat so soon after I'd repaired it. Hn, idiot dobe.

So now we were receiving quite a few awkward glances from the villagers as we passed them on our way. It was the first day of school; well, for us at least. After the fight I'd managed to pry Naruto into telling me what he had found out from that nutty headmaster. According to Naruto the three buildings are three different levels of school. Or Education Establishment as people here liked to call it.

The first was for those younger than us and seemed to teach the same sorts of things as we'd seen vaguely in the Ninja academy. The basics. It was just common knowledge and, of course, it would be strange of us not to have at least some knowledge had we been from a simple civilian village like this. That one was not an option and thankfully Naruto had not chosen it. Said it seemed like too much work. I had chosen not to mention that it most likely had the least work.

The second specialised in certain topics, obviously stemming from the general knowledge we were supposed to already have. You could select a few different ones and would learn in depth about each of them. You could choose from three up to seven of them. To me it sounded kind of boring; learning about only three things. And each topic can't consist of that much.

The third building seemed worse in our situation than either of the other two. It was for training. You learned of only one thing and it was to lead you into a job position. Since we didn't plan on spending our entire lives here that was useless to us and thankfully Naruto had noticed that.

He'd chosen the second building. Not only that but he'd also taken it upon himself to choose our topics. Not even thinking that perhaps I'd like to choose my own. That had made us fight a little more, but I had seen reason and stopped things from going to far. It didn't mean I wasn't pissed off at him. In the three days that had passed since then almost all of his bruises had faded. I wish I could say the same for myself. Because I had beaten him, and now it looked like he had beaten me. Not that Naruto would admit to defeat but I had clearly won…I'd taken it upon myself to renovate downstairs as well. Now it looked a lot cleaner. I'd forced Naruto to help me, but it hadn't lasted long.

That Kippomaru guy – I suppose I should have been a little more respectful since he was my boss – Kippomaru-san had showed up and disrupted everything. He'd stolen Naruto completely. As soon as he entered Naruto's attention snapped to him and stayed there the entire time. But it turned out that those belongings I'd found in the bedroom were his wife's, I didn't bother to remember her name. I probably should have since she was also my boss. He had thanked us on the work we'd done. Or to be more specific he had thanked Naruto. The blond didn't even do half of the work, but I said nothing and neither did Naruto. I don't know if he even noticed, he was too busy being nice.

They had turned to discussing work times, but I hadn't listened. Now that we were settled down I knew that we'd start working as well. Kippomaru had kept the bar closed for a few days while we settled in but as soon as we started school we were to start work as well.

So now we were on our way to school. Being Naruto he'd chosen only three, obviously, which I was slightly annoyed at. Not that I really cared for these things, it was just slightly awkward for work. The school – educational establishment - was open from six in the morning to eight in the evening. The way things worked out was that you only went to the building for your chosen subjects and then left until you had the next one. Or you could stay in the building and wonder around. I supposed most people did that, but we had only three and they quite were spread out.

We had physical studies at seven until half past ten with a half hour break in between. Then we had domestic studies from eleven until one and then we had to wait until three for technological studies. I'm not even sure what some of these things are. Physical studies sounded simple enough, probably just exercises and other such things. Domestic studies? I wasn't quite sure but maybe something to do with cooking? Though I couldn't figure out why Naruto would choose a topic like that…technological studies…I had no idea what it could be. I would just have to wait and find out. I was pretty sure that I'd be changing from this anyway.

I had wondered how we would find our way to the classes, but it was harder than I'd imagined. This was the second largest of the buildings and when I say large I really mean it. For such a small village it seemed a lot of people came here. I later learned that a small distance from this village was an apartment complex which held purely students; those who came and went from this place only to learn. I would never have guessed. But supposedly they didn't really go into the village all that much. They had their own shops and diners.

It wouldn't be a problem to us though, they were also only civilians. The school was split up into two sections; the creative and the businesses. Ours were all in the creative. Even once in that section of the building though, it wasn't as a school should be. The room we entered into was the artistic studies section and was completely open plan, there were few students here though, only about five or six so I presumed there was no class on. In that room there were many doors stemming off of it; though some were not even doors, only sheets that covered a hole in the wall, the others were glass and plastic, all see through, doors so I could see they did not lead to rooms, only corridors.

Such a strange school. Then again, they didn't claim to be a school, but an educational establishment. I was sure most were not like this. Fortunately the doors – or whatever else – were labelled. Unfortunately they didn't lead to individual classes, but sections of classes. They were labelled things like 'creative – home' or 'creative – style' but nothing that we understood. Thankfully, or not so thankfully, one of the art students approached us.

She was a female and immediately told us her name. She was friendly, and Naruto was friendly back. I didn't pay her much attention and instead focused on learning my way around as she slowed us to our first class. I paid attention well and felt I could find my way back to this room. She had taken us down one of the corridors – I'd taken noticed of the names on the rooms – until we got to our room. When I say 'room' that is only what I first expected. Turned out physical studies had three rooms. Yes. This is a big building.

We weren't even introduced to the other students as we entered, the girl disappearing back where she came from, but they all welcomed us with smiles and encouraging words. Naruto seemed to really appreciate it. I didn't. The class was purely fitness. We were in the room with the exercise equipment. I tried to pretend that they tired me out. Naruto didn't. The almost completely male class surrounded him in astonishment at how 'strong' he was. He quickly grew in popularity, but even then he stuck with me instead of going off with them for the short break we had.

The classmates had pointed us in the direction of one of the many places around here where you could 'hang out' between classes or on breaks. They were all outside the building. In the centre of the three. They curved round to give a large expanse of park in the middle where there was always people - from all of the 'educational establishments'. There was also a number of café's and little shops littered around the area. But what I liked best were the trees. There were paths and seating areas but the rest was grass, trimmed to perfection, and trees and shrubbery. It was nice, very fitting for this tropical village. I lay in the centre of one of the larger bench-table things, one that was placed randomly on the grass while Naruto went to fetch us a snack.

Even the sky here looked different. Fluffier clouds and more colour. I heard raised voices and couldn't help but look in the direction. Behind a thinning of the trees in this area I could see that girl who had showed us to class arguing with someone. A boy. There was a third person but I took my time to study them; they seemed more normal than the people I'd come into contact with so far. They weren't smiling. Taking a longer look at the girl I could see she was quite tall; for a girl. Me and Naruto were about the same height; five foot eight - I liked to think I was about five foot nine, though it probably wasn't true. This girl, on estimate, might have been only slightly shorter…about five foot seven. She had very short hair, ginger and spiky; well above her neck. I don't know if I've see a girl with such short hair. I couldn't see very well through the threes but her eyes looked dark, her skin pale and freckly. She wore dark clothes, loose and baggy over her slim body. The expression on her face and the attitude in her voice told me she was cheeky, but the boy opposite her seemed to be having none of her apparent attitude.

He looked kind of alike to her. In their facial structure; perhaps they were family. He looked very angry and spoke harshly to her, but it did nothing to deter her feisty behaviour, it was sort of entertaining, even without knowing what they were discussing. The boy had floppy brown hair, but it was dark enough to pass off as black, with a freckly face and dark eyes like the girl. He was quite well built too, for a civilian, though those muscles were more for show than for fight, I could tell. He looked very short, but in truth must have been about the same size as the girl, but standing next to him was a boy who was very tall, and lanky. I didn't care to pay him any attention; he was doing nothing interesting. Just when their voices got more frantic Naruto appeared.

"Hey, Sasuke! They have some awesome food here! Check this," he held up a bowl of what could only be ramen, "for a moment I wondered if they wouldn't have it." He looked like the idea might cause him to cry, idiot. I felt something land on my chest and when I looked I realised it was a packet; on further inspection I realised it was a packet of baby tomatoes. Tomatoes are my favourite food but it had been so long since I'd actually had any. The way I'd been living you ate what you got, you didn't think about things like that. I had missed them.

When I looked back at Naruto he was looking over at the people who I'd been inspecting before. But it didn't matter about that, I felt weird. It wasn't _the feeling_ but it was close to it. Gratitude might have been what it was. I was thankful. But I said nothing. Instead I decided to be more accepting of his choosing my topics for me. I would change them anyway. Probably. I'd keep Physical, because it would help us keep in shape since we couldn't train. But I doubted I would enjoy the other two. Naruto had probably picked them thinking they meant less work.

"Hey, that's Mai*." He said, as if I would care. Turning my attention to more pressing matters…as I opened the bag of tomatoes my mouth watered and my lips twitched. But Naruto seemed to have other ideas now. He dragged me – again with the contact – up and around the trees until we were stood next to the girl and the boy. The ones who had paused arguing to see what we wanted. Naruto had no sense of privacy.

The girl smiled pleasantly, but the boy did nothing, just looking to the tall one behind him, as if we were exasperating. We probably were to him. At least he seemed slightly normal. But I didn't really care anyway, I started with my tomatoes.

"Oh, you're the boys I met earlier, aren't you." I saw her in the corner of my eye as she turned to grab the other boy's attention. He looked over to us. "These are the brothers I was telling you about. Guys," she turned to us, "this is my very own brother, Mika*! Oh, he's sweet enough once you get to know him, a grouchy asshole when you don't…even so…!" She laughed out loud like she'd told the best joke in the world but her brother, the 'Mika' boy, frowned and rolled his eyes before turning and walking away, a muttered 'I'm telling mother' his parting words.

I hated the way she'd called us brothers; me and Naruto. Like it was so simple. I had sort of hoped people wouldn't believe it, but obviously that was not the case. It was almost enough to make me wish I had argued with Naruto more about it. I could have told the Kippomaru boss guy that Naruto just wished we were – since that was the case. But instead I'd kept my mouth shut and I had no idea why such a thing was so hard for me to handle. I bit into my baby tomatoes with more force.

"Hmph!" For a moment the girl…Mai…looked really annoyed, but it was fleeting as she began talking again to us. I wondered how long we had before class as she questioned our next lesson. When Naruto explained that we were only on a break between classes she started explaining her own hours and I heard Naruto go over our classes too. And for some reason I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"I'm probably going to have my classes changed." At this the eyes snapped to me. I'd left them to their own conversation and the idea that they had forgotten I was here was irritating.

Naruto looked aghast, "B-but! Why?! If you're just doing it to get out of my classes then you're really…! A teme!" It was really quite embarrassing, Naruto's lame replies. In honesty I would simply rather have a choice in my own topics; it had nothing to do with him. But, as always, he jumped on the chance to argue with me. For a change I decided to play back.

"Why…Naruto? I didn't realise you wanted me around so much." I smirked and Mai laughed - that loud boisterous laugh again that boasted how the most amusing thing had occurred.

The blond spluttered for a moment, caught himself, and glared. His glare was weak, of course, and I didn't feel like stooping to his level by returning one of my own. Instead I snorted and turned my head away. A heavy silence settled as Naruto copied my notions.

The girl cleared her throat obviously and I found it very rude of her. But not in a necessarily bad way. It was strange. "So what classes do you think you might take?" God, had I really started this conversation…now I would have to participate. It had been a while since I'd been in a civil conversation.

"I don't know. I'll see when I go to change them." Best to keep things short, but not too short. Not snappy. It wasn't as likely I would offend someone and the last thing I needed was to do that.

"Hmm…you should try to get breaks at the same time as us. On the regime you're on now you have break from one till three. That's two hours and we only have one and a half…me and the rest of my friends that is. My brother also happens to come with us but he's a dick and easy to ignore. But we're always off around those times as well…except Jose*, but he doesn't count." She laughed that haughty laugh of hers. I could tell she was only joking, the way she spoke said that much, even when she had insulted her brother it had been teasingly. The way siblings should be.

I averted my eyes…"yeah…"

"Hey, hey, Mai! If you're break is at the same time as ours then how come you're out now?" Naruto questioned and I kept my attention elsewhere. I'd rather not get dragged into yet another incompetent conversation. Besides, all the dobe's questions were idiotic. She obviously had more than three topics, therefore more breaks between each. Idiot dobe.

I looked around, trying to see somebody else whom I recognised. Not out of curiosity and certainly not because I cared. Simply because I wanted to. There was nothing better to do and risking dragging myself into Naruto and Mai's conversation was not something I wanted to do. I couldn't help noticing that none of the people from the basic schooling building were out at the moment. At least that was my presumption, assuming they were significantly younger than myself, that is.

I really don't know why Naruto insisted on being so nice to people. Especially when he's so genuine with it; the niceness. Honestly, it must be so tiring…people will only hurt you. Making friends is a useless notion which causes you more weakness in the long run. Seriously

All friends were good for was holding you back or dying. When they are around you they distract you, even when fighting together they are only a nuisance. They take up time better spent training. And when you are a Ninja death is a constant part of life; if a friend dies there is pain; useless pain that does nothing but hold you back.

Having friends here was even more dysfunctional. Seriously…we wouldn't even be there that long. Well…perhaps we would be staying for a long while - however, it was not forever. That much was guaranteed. We'd leave eventually and friends would be simply an interference. Expecting contact to be kept from wherever we lied about going to. Knowing Naruto he'd probably try to as well; keep up the contact. Not that it would be my concern; I would not be with him on his return 'home' because I would not be returning to the same place as he.

"Hey Saaaasuke!" how was it that one voice could be so irritating? Hang on…were we walking? When had we started walking?

"What dobe?" I snapped, still trying to figure out why I had no recollection of beginning our travel. We were most definitely on our way back to our building. It must have been the end of our break. Mai was no where in sight.

"You were totally out of it and ignoring me! I didn't like it, are you feeling okay?" Of course he wouldn't like that; attention seeking idiot that he was. And there his niceness is showing up again. I know he can't possibly care about me…because…I don't think he's that much of an idiot. Even though he is obsessive it's purely selfish on his part; something about becoming Hokage I presume. So I just ignored him. That should get him annoyed. It did. I could tell from his enraged huffs and the way he ignored me right back, not that I was complaining – the silence was a blessing - while it lasted.

Our second half of physical was a lot more pathetic than our first. We were in a hall this time, one that stank of old sweat. It was disgusting. But what we had to do was even worse. They wanted us to play something called aeroball. It was some kind of ball game, and supposedly we were to take part in a tournament at the end of this year. I didn't really care about the game, but anything that would help keep me in shape I was willing to partake in.

Naruto was very enthusiastic about it, along with most of the others in our class; the idiot seemed to mix well with these people. The second lesson seemed to pass much slower than the first; I had a feeling that it was due to the increase in talking. Honestly, the class was called 'physical' so should we not have been more active? But no. Apparently explaining the rules of this stupid game were far more important than our fitness.

And it turned out domestic studies was to do with chemicals. But not so much in a scientific fashion; only things surrounding the home environment and bacterial chemistry were covered. It was quite practical as well, in the lesson we were shown film strips and pictures of horrendously dirty worktops and were asked to guess – with only knowledge read from our text books – which patches of grim contained which chemicals. I was bored. Naruto slept. And I certainly wouldn't be choosing this class as one of my topics.

Our second break was invariably just like the first had been. Only longer. We had to wait about fifteen minutes before Mai arrived, a larger group in tow. Well…I say large but really there were only about five or maybe six of them. I don't know. I wasn't looking. I didn't care. I stayed silent for the entire time anyway. I lay out atop one of the bench-tables and dozed off a little. I had nothing to eat, but I wasn't hungry. Those baby tomatoes had satisfied me for the mean time.

I barely heard the nonessential gossip around me but I let myself relax in the warm air. It really was quite comfortable. I had notice Naruto ask about the weather. This time of year was one of their cooler periods. I dreaded to think the damage my skin would go through when the heat reached its peak. Maybe they would have some sort of cream I could use…civilians bothered with things like that. And since I was living as a civilian…

The rest of school went by with little interruption, every now and again Naruto would drag me off to see someone, though with time I stopped registering them all together. Sometimes it felt as though I was the only one here. Just myself and Naruto. Like the corridors were empty and the park deserted. It didn't feel lonely; it felt the complete opposite, only after I came back to reality that was filled with so many others, Naruto's attention straying to all these other people. I felt strangely neglected.

Another topic I would be dropping was technological studies. Or 'techy' as I'd heard everyone else refer to it as. No matter…it was useless. Naruto seemed to enjoy it though and I was surprised to see just how skilled he happened to be. Not that I would ever admit that. And I was better, of course. Not that he would ever admit that. Basically we had to make things. Our equipment was mostly metal contraptions like screwdrivers and such, only more…inventive. And using these tools we had to build things like sheds or shelves, either out of wood, plastic or metal. Today we had only built a box, to introduce us to the topic.

I hated it! It was worse than domestic. I'm not sure what exactly was so off-putting but I just knew I couldn't stand another day with those greasy things! Never mind though, I had arranged after physical, this morning, to see the headmaster tomorrow and sort out my own subjects. For now it was time to work.

For a moment as we reached our bar - which, I might add, I was still disgusted at, no matter how clean it happened to be - Naruto seemed ecstatic, rushing up the stairs and planting the two folders we'd been given from domestic studies onto the couch. I followed him, just to see the look of horror on his face when he realized that now we had to return downstairs. To work. At a bar, no less. I only had a vague idea of how to run a bar but I was guessing Naruto had even less clue than I.

I couldn't help eyeing the two purple folders we'd received today with a slight frown. I had never asked Naruto to carry mine for me; he'd done it right away. I'm not sure why…

"Aww, damn!" Naruto exclaimed just as he threw himself down next to the folders. "We've got work" I couldn't help the twitch of my lips as he slumped down on the couch, his words slurred in a groan that seemed to stretch forever. Until he hit the floor.

"Ouch!" I snorted before starting back down the stairs; I'd seen all I needed to. Kippomaru had told us that we could just open the bar whenever we were here, and when we weren't they would likely drop by for a few hours. They paid us by clock times; we had to clock every minute the bar was open. Not that I really cared when the stupid bar opened and closed – I just wanted the money. I threw a glance backwards as I reached the actual bar. I took pride in the shiny tabletops and sparkling bar top that I had cleaned, no matter that it was Naruto who got most thanks.

Naruto took a few minutes to get down before we opened the doors. I wasn't sure how many people this place usually had to serve but I was not expecting what we got. It seemed Naruto had made himself more popular than I'd noticed. People were swarming the place to see where he worked. I, of course, was the one to serve them since Naruto was too busy being a good host. It was even more irritating than when he took so long in the shower that first day. He didn't take any orders…out of all the people who came in it was entirely me who was left to serve people.

Damn him.

And then every now and again he would yell over to me 'Hay, Sasuke! Guess what so-and-so did!' then he would tell the whole bar the story, completely ignorant to the fact that I wanted to kill him. I have to admit though, there were a few times when the conversation turned intriguing. At one point they even spoke of ninja's, to which both Naruto and I stayed relatively silent.

I couldn't recall the name of the certain boy from our technological class who began the discussion. But I do remember what he'd said. "Naruto! I heard you're one hell of a player in physical! What are you, like, a ninja?!" He had been joking, and I was thankful Naruto had picked up on that, but it only took a moment of laughter before the entire room sobered up.

"Don't say that," a girl I'd never noticed said from the other side of the room, "Ninja's are terrible people." When everyone nodded in agreement I felt myself stare at Naruto, hoping that he would not blow our cover. He had never been good with his emotions. He didn't say anything that I expected though, thankfully, he only asked why. To be honest I don't know why he bothered. Even I knew that the life ninja lead is, in that girl's words, terrible.

"Well…just look at all those things they do!" she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and, in a morbid way, it was. Naruto looked a mix between offended and confused, perhaps he'd never realized that Ninja killed for pay. Or maybe…he just didn't see the problem. Now it was I who was frowning in curiosity, surely Naruto wasn't the type of person to trivialise death.

"Yeah, she's right, dog," another boy piped in from the table Naruto was at and I had to wonder…dog? "They make children kill."

"And wage wars over money." I heard someone else say.

"They vandalise their bodies just for power to murder!" I almost flinched at that, but knew better of it, instead I simple put up my mask, and continued serving. Naruto looked petrified; he'd obviously never been faced with reality. This would be like a slap in the face for him.

It seemed the whole bar had decided to join the conversation, spouting their little facts and statistics from every corner of the room. I didn't care who was saying it, but it stung in such a strange way to hear some of these things. "They pay each other to kill innocent people, not caring who they are or what they've done to deserve it."

"Yeah, you're right. They get paid by bad guys to kill good guys and they still try to act like they protect people!"

"And, not to mention, the amount of other Ninja they kill!"

"Even their families! They kill anything to get more power and money! I just don't get it!"

"They manipulate each other and lie to each other and kill each other and destroy people's homes and, and, and! They are just pigs!"

I have to say, I felt kind of bad myself, so I didn't want to think of how much that had hurt Naruto. I can still remember the harsh _feeling_ that had left me in peace for quite a while. I had no desire for it to return. I didn't look at his face when he started up a new conversation, even tried to block out his voice. They might not have heard it but I could certainly pick up on the quiver in his voice, the thickness of it and how it said so blatantly what he was feeling. Pain. I knew a fair few things about that.

Not that I could even remember too clearly…only in my dreams…only in my nightmares. I closed the bar shortly after, we had been working for five hours already and it was getting later, we would need food and such yet. I didn't dare talk to Naruto, who'd been much more silent than usual whilst cleaning up the tables – the only real work he had done all night. I wanted to make him do the dishes, but thought better of it and did them myself.

It wasn't like I wanted him to have time alone. I'm not considerate like that. I just didn't want him to be any more of a hassle than he already was. If I forced him to do dishes in this state then he'd mope around for an even longer period of time. Anyway, he was on the couch tonight since he got the bed yesterday. We had actually managed to arrange suitable living arrangements to fit around each other. Showers were the worst, not only did he often spend much longer in the shower than I deemed necessary, he also took an extra ten minutes to shave.

Now, you would think that, being a man myself, I could work with that. But it simply made me angry because, and though it shamed my pride greatly, I had not yet grown a beard. I doubted if I ever would. It was another Uchiha trait; we were moustache people. There I go again, using the word 'we'. I clearly meant 'me' since I'm alone now.

Back to the living arrangements; he took way too long in the bathroom in the mornings, never mind the fact that I usually woke up hours before him, I still liked to lay in peace until he got up – rest was rest and although sleep might not have been one of my favourite pastimes I still enjoyed rest when I got it. Naruto liked to disturb my rest quite often though. He would sometimes be up in the middle of the night, rushing to the toilet, getting food, taking a shower. Yes, a shower. In the middle of the night. Staying in the bedroom meant I heard a lot less of his behaviour, not that I got any more or less sleep, but I did get more rest. Which is always a good thing.

We didn't have much food in the apartment yet, so eating was limited, that night we had half a sandwich each, Naruto insisted I took the larger half, though I didn't see much difference in size. I think he was just trying to fill the silence, even his voice sounded strained though. The conversation from earlier had not left his mind. I hadn't expected it to, but it might have been nice.

"Hey, Sasuke?" He said to me later, white foam spraying over the sink. We were preparing for bed. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth while he did the same. We hadn't bought the necessary equipment to live here but Kippomaru's wife had been generous enough to buy us the basics. I certainly hadn't asked but she had assured us that it was coming out of our wage. Such a nice woman. I should have probably tried harder to remember her name next time we met. Sadly I'm a bastard and don't much care.

I spit and rinsed my mouth; I wasn't gross like him. "What?" I had been dreading this conversation, because I knew I'd have to crush him even more. I know how that makes me sound, but I don't actually care…it would just be so inconvenient for him to be distracted by the horrors of real life.

"Wh-what those guys said in the bar…you know…about Ninja…" his muttering gradually got lower and lower and I was glad I had good hearing. "It…it wasn't really true? Right? 'Cause they just don't know any better, right?" I could feel his eyes on me, trailing me as I left the bathroom on my way to bed. I didn't want to answer him, but I had no valid reason not to.

"Naruto. I know you're a naïve dobe, but…those things were almost an understatement to how bad Ninja life is. None of our life was good was it? We only lived it because we didn't know any better. We're just as bad as the Ninja who kill the ones we protect. It's a twisted politics and it's time you realised that."

He stared at me. I couldn't tell if it was what I'd said that bothered him or how much I'd actually spoke. It was very seldom that I had a meaningful thing to say. Unfortunately I now had nothing more to say, so I shut the bedroom door behind me and went to bed, regardless of what Naruto would do or feel.

…

**I would have updated sooner and I don't really have an excuse. I'd tell you that my internet broke, but it was fixed a while ago and I still haven't updated, or I'd tell you about my exam revision but that finished a while ago too...I'm sorry. I hope this chapter makes up for it!  
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**Mai* pronounced 'May'. **

**Mika* pronounced 'Mee-kah'. **

**Jose* pronounce 'joe-zay'.**

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Xx..xX**


	6. Recollections

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Recollections**

"_Aniki!" I wailed, running through the halls in my bare feet. "Aniki! Ouchy!" I ran on, recognising the pain in my legs from the exertion of running the length of our home but truly not caring. Only caring of the pinch of blood at the tip of my finger. A splinter! It was so sore! _

_I knew Itachi-nii-san would be at the Dojo. He was always at the Dojo. I couldn't wait until I got to play games with Chichiue* in there like Aniki did! He was always playing in there…but he never had as much time to play with me like I wanted him to. It wasn't fair! I wanted to play games with Aniki and Chichiue too! _

"_Aniki! Aniki! Sore!" I wanted to look as positively miserable as possible, so instead of fighting the tears like a strong boy would do, I encouraged them. The more helpless I looked then the longer he would spend time with me. Itachi-nii-san was so brave! He would not mind seeing my blood at all! He was so strong! He didn't even feel pain any more! That is…I saw him bleed a lot from the games he and Chichiue played…but he never cried like me. I'd never seen him cry. Brave Aniki! I wanted to be so brave too!_

_When I reached the door to the Dojo I slapped the palms of my hands against it, wincing at the sharpness of the hurt to my hands. But my finger was bleeding! And I was far too little to open the door myself. I knew Aniki would be in there! He had to be! But after a few more moments of hitting the doors with my tiny fists I reserved myself to flopping onto the floor and screaming at the top of my lungs. _

_I wanted aniki! I wanted big brother to make the soreness go away! I didn't want Haha* she was too big sometimes! She was so nice to cuddle me all the time but I wanted Aniki to teach me to be strong. Not even Chichiue could do that. When they were so much bigger than me it only made me feel small and as though I didn't have to be strong. But Aniki wasn't big like them. He was more small like me. He was taller than me…in every way possible. But I couldn't fit on his lap. I had tried…but I couldn't. _

_Just then, out of nowhere, footsteps interrupted my wails and sobbing and crying. I almost thought it was Chichiue, for the sound seemed louder to me, who was lying on the floor. But it wasn't my daddy at all. It was Itachi-nii-san! He was running, but I don't think he could run all that much quicker than myself, but he was trying so hard to get to me fast. _

_He landed with a thud beside be and fussed over my tears for a little moment before he caught sight of the blood which had spread over my little hands. He turned his attentions fully to the splinter and within no time at all was able to take the miniscule chipping of wood from my finger and throw it far away. Where it should stay forever! He spent a good time longer taking me back to my bedroom and sitting me in my cot, before going to get wet cloths to wash my hands of the redness. The little splinter had gone so deep! I had bled over two fingers! _

_But he never left me long and when he came back he leapt straight into the cot beside me, took my hand in his and dealt with wiping the blood from my skin. My hands looked small in his. Not like they did in Haha's though. When she held my hand it was as if mine disappeared. She was so big. I wonder what it is like sometimes. To be tall enough to get to open doors. Or to be able to sit in seats without being lifted. Aniki can do it. He's big like that now. But not too big. And he plays with me whenever he can! _

"_Aniki. I wan' be big like you." He looked at me for a moment, his eyes scanning quickly over my face to see that I wasn't still crying. _

"_I'm not that big yet, otouto. Besides, one day you'll get older and be like me." He told me clearly. He never spoke to me like I was littler than him. He told me things like I would understand. I didn't, but it was nice to hear anyway. _

"_Why are you so old Aniki?" At that he looked slightly dazzled, a little…perhaps not at all, but he frowned and seemed upset. _

"_It isn't that I'm so old, Sasuke. I was just never young." I looked at him oddly, never young? It would make sense I suppose – since Aniki is so stro- _

My slumber was broken suddenly. I'd heard a bang and my instincts had me propelled out of the bed at the swiftest instant. But when reality came back to me I realized it must be nothing; it was safe here; it had been safe here for what felt like a lifetime, and yet it could not be long enough. We'd been in Riera for almost three months after all. You would think by now my Ninja instincts would have sobered slightly…apparently not.

I took one look at the world outside before slipping back into the warmth of the bed. It was black outside, as it became here after sunset. They had no street lamps, only portable torches that were situated all over the place. It didn't get dark very much now though, since it was spring. I dreaded the oncoming summer. If spring was this hot and bright then I couldn't even think of summer. I'd been informed that there was little over an hour of darkness during summer, and even then it was not complete darkness.

I was in the bed tonight though, so that – I suppose – was a bonus. I hadn't expected me and Naruto to fit so well into this life. Our days went by routinely, and yet every day managed to surprise me. I could not, for the life of me, realise why. But the bed was mine for tonight, though only by force, and I usually slept well on these nights. Only as well as I can, I suppose. My nightmares are certainly less severe. And though tonight's was as tame as usual for being in the bed, I still could not say that it was comforting. In a way I would have preferred a more horrific dream, for I hate seeing Itachi – especially when he is the kind older brother I used to know. At least I always know I'm still human after those nightmares, though. I can't pretend I don't have a heart when it breaks so much each time I wake up.

But I was sure I heard a noise. So sure, but I couldn't think. Perhaps it had merely been a branch, wandering in the night winds and brushing our window in the breeze. Most probably. I'd go with that, for the moment anyway, because I wanted to fall asleep again.

My wishes are never granted, however, and the bang was back mere moments later. Thankfully I had the decency to check what it was before I destroyed it. For my Raven had returned and with a scroll in his grasp. I let him in the window – which he had been knocking against moments before with his black beak – before releasing what was sure to be a letter from his possession. For a while I simply watched it, pondering on what Konoha might have replied. If it were money it had come slightly late, for both me and Naruto had earned enough money to live comfortably.

Kippomaru had been gracious enough as to let us live here for free and was still charging us nothing for the apartment, while also paying us a fair wage. However, with the knowledge that once you bought a house here you paid nothing on it, it would have been greedy to ask any more from us. Though I knew other people did. Since my change in courses at the educational establishment I generally worked less than Naruto did. However; it was Naruto's money that we used to buy food and luxuries, since mine we were using to save – for what we weren't sure but it seemed smart, in my opinion, to do so – and since I did the house work around here it seemed fair. Of course, it also meant I had less say in what rubbish Naruto wished to buy, which wasn't always the best thing.

The only decision I had made was to buy a new couch. Naruto hadn't argued but had wanted to keep the other one also, so that we had more room for when our 'friends' visited. They did, and quite often, so I had not argued with him on that point. Yes, our friends…they weren't necessarily mine, though they seemed to think so. I didn't _not_ talk to them…I just kept my mouth closed and spoke when spoken to. They seemed to respect my silence which I thought graceful of them. For that I wouldn't say they were likeable, but certainly tolerable.

I do remember one day when me and Naruto had been loudly introduced to the rest of Mai's friends. It had gone down shockingly well. Naruto had seemed even more surprised than I was when everybody seemed to adore him. Not that the dobe had complained – quite the opposite. There had been issues though…with a certain relationship within the group that troubled Naruto as much as it did me. And I'm not troubled easily…not now.

We had been sitting on the same bench as the first day – which we now sat at each time we met – when Mai had come running, a group of three behind her. I immediately recognised the two boys as her brother and the lanky one he had been with. There was a girl too, her name was Tessa*, with Purple hair and violet eyes. She was short, a lot shorted than even Mai - who was by no recognition a tall girl – and wore highly revealing clothing as well as a permanent grin.

I took time to look more closely at the second boy also; who I'd paid no attention to days before. This one was tall, taller than everyone here; myself and Naruto included, yet his appearance told that he was in no way threatening, in fact he looked shy. His hair was what really caught my attention though, for it was longer than even Neji's and was a spectacular colour; a hue of grey and fawn. His skin was also a very pale colour, not as pale as my own but certainly paler than I'd seen in many people. He was a little more interesting than I had first mistaken him. He was introduced as Lusca*.

What was even more interesting was the friendship he had with Mika – the brother – for they seemed insistently close. Unnecessarily so. It was disturbing to say the least. And when we sat at the bench, even me who preferred to lay on it, I couldn't help but notice that they sat next to each other, touching hands in the most intimate way. Mika would take Lusca's hand in his and play with the fingers, stroking up his arm with the strangest movements. I wouldn't open my mouth though; it was none of my business. I didn't need to know. It was probably nothing...

Yet one of the weirdest things was that Lusca barely seemed to notice, and both of them spoke completely normally, though their fiddling fingers were in clear view. It certainly was a strange dilemma. I didn't know what to think, so I tried to pay less attention to their linked hands and more on the topics of conversation.

I didn't open my mouth; however the same didn't go for a certain blond. I have to admit though, no matter my unwillingness to pry into others business, just when Mai and Mika were to leave to buy food, something substantially...evidential…happened. Mika had turned to Lusca and said he would buy him something, and had kissed him – on the lips – after the blushing boy had asked for toffee. What was worse was that nobody else seemed to notice! The siblings wondered off without another word and I almost thought I was alone in my thoughts until Naruto spoke up.

"What the hell was that?" I remember him asking. When he only received confused glances from the two left at the table, I seriously considered speaking for myself. But, as it turned out, I didn't need to. Once Naruto starts something he finishes it.

"He just kissed you!" was the next exclamation. But again all he got in response was funny looks. So he seemed to let the lack of response sober him down. "I…don't understand…"

"He's my boyfriend, why wouldn't he kiss me?" Lusca said quietly, obviously not knowing where the blond was coming from.

"Yeah, but. How can he be your boyfriend? You're a boy too." That's the part I was struggling with myself, though I had it pretty much figured out in my head, all I needed was conformation and the gasp I heard gave me that. It came from Tessa along with "oh, please tell me you're not from one of those villages! The ones where it, like, isn't allowed." Well, as a matter of fact we were. I subtly – I hope – kicked Naruto under the table, clearly telling him to shut it.

"W-well…no. No, but I just hadn't seen it before. That's all." He said and gave an overly rambunctious laugh, which Mai joined as she returned with Mika. Conversation over.

So that had been that, and since that day we had tended to gather together whenever we had free time from lessons, though I was sometimes on my own since I had so many more lessons, but Lusca had taken quite a number too and Mai as well, but it was harder to get times together. It turned out Mika and I had similar personalities, and he was the one with whom I spoke to most. But both Naruto and I kept our lips firmly sealed when it came to gay relationships. It certainly had not been allowed back in Konoha. Certainly not. Ninja were all about bloodlines and purity and so heirs were a necessity. Anyone who was gay had to be straight. That's just all there was about it. It isn't as though they were punished for being that way, only if they acted upon their desires. Everyone knew better than that.

I forced my concentration out of my mind and back on the scroll at hand. Unrolling it, I soon realised that it was, in fact, a letter. I almost snorted when I saw how messy the handwriting became as Tsunade continued throughout. By the bottom there were ink splodges everywhere and even a few holes in the page. I couldn't imagine how many of my Raven's pages she had used before calming herself enough to write this one.

_Sasuke,_

_I must admit, I did not believe you when first I read your letter. It seemed impossible that one such as you would actually save a comrades life. Especially one whom you had dragged to his death in the first place._

_Your audacity astounds me however, as not one week ago Akatsuki gave us a friendly little visit. They threatened our people; they burned our houses; they wreaked havoc and all because you had stolen their 'precious fox'. _

_Don't mistake me Uchiha; I would much rather have that than Naruto's death. _

_But how dare you! Why lure him away in the first place if only to save him?! Where is the logic? Where is the sense? I thought you were intelligent - a prodigy! You're nothing but a fool!_

_But since I know you have Naruto I will not ask where you are, for his safety solely. But if I find out, and I will find out, that you have hurt him, I swear on all the lives in Konoha I will hunt you down and rip you to peaces. _

_I will contact again only when it is needed. I will let you know Akatsuki's movements whenever I can._

_Godaime Hokage, Tsunade._

What…what a bitch! I saved his life! How could she say that I'm a fool?! Bitch! Another reason to add to the list of why I'd never return. Hn, and people used to call her a princess?! Stealing myself another glance outside I made my way out of bed and through to the bathroom, dispersing my Raven and the note with him, a frown marring my features. It was always slightly cooler through there and I had hoped it would calm me down from both the dream and the note. Instead it only helped my thoughts to build up. And as I peered through the door to Naruto's sleeping form I recalled the main topic of conversation for the day.

My whole day had been filled with talk of 'cherries' though I know the reference was not of fruit. It angered me how I had not realized sooner; in fact, it had taken me all day to figure it out…

"Och, you see that girl. She is such a whore! Honestly, she'll open her legs for any male in sight." Mai critiqued while looking shamelessly upon a young girl with glasses and a short skirt.

"There's nothing wrong with, like, flirting a little once in a while." Replied a flushed Tessa, who I have noticed cares not about who she flirts with. I had noticed her batting her eye lashes in Naruto's direction many times.

Mai frowned a little, looking pensive. "No…but there is something wrong with popping your cherry when you're eleven years old." She laughed, tears forming in her eyes. "And Tessa, for all your flirtatiousness you ain't lost yours yet!"

I remember trying to remain calm, trying to sit still without making it seem forced, but they'd never spoken of anything unfamiliar yet and looking over at Naruto I realised, judging by the mirth in his eyes, he probably knew what they were talking about as well. That was when I really began to feel cut out.

"Speaking of which! Who here has, like, still got it?!" Tessa boasted, as though it were bad if you didn't have the 'cherry'.

Mai's laugh vibrated through us all yet again, and I was glad I'd begun to grow used to it. "Well, you know I've not got it anymore," she pouted prettily, seeming very innocent, which made most of us laugh, though Mika and I remained unresponsive, as usual, I no longer offended anyone by it.

Eyes turned to Lusca, in Mika's arms, who blushed deeply and turned his face away, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation. "Hey, hey!" Mai interjected, before anyone else could speak up, "We already know the story with them! I know I remember that time we camped on the beach all too well-"

"M-mai! We didn't do anything that time." An overly embarrassed Lusca defended, though I noticed the smirk on Mika's face and knew he must be lying. I really wanted to know what it was they were talking about though…

"Hey, we should do that again with Naru-!" Tessa exclaimed, but quickly cut herself off. "Naruto! What about you?! Have you, like, you know…done it?" Done what? I knew they were going to ask me in a minute and I wanted to just lie and say yes or no but then I've never really been a fan of lies.

"Err…well," I noticed Naruto rubbing at the back of his neck. Maybe he didn't know what they were talking about either…cherries? I was sure it wasn't. "Yeah, I have." A chorus of 'oooh's swarmed through the group and I wanted to know so much! But all eyes turned to me and I could feel the heat in my cheeks though I knew it would be invisible.

"Well Sasuke, am I the only one here who's not popped my cherry or what?" Maybe I should just say I had…then I'd be with the majority. But I wasn't so fortunate.

"Sasuke," the voice was Naruto's but I refused to make eye contact. This was so stupid! "Do you even know what…what we're on about?" I took a slow glance round the group, hoping they wouldn't pick up on the idiot's question as fact. The sly smile on Mai's face and the exclamation of 'oh my god, you actua-" and I was out of there. I didn't meet the group for the rest of the day and didn't go to work at night either. I wasn't sulking. I was just…feeling annoyed that I didn't know something that seemed to be common knowledge. I couldn't even guess!

"So what crawled up your ass, teme?" was the relatively calm question from the dobe as he seated himself on the couch with a sandwich earlier tonight. I'd eaten before that; having had the time from what would normally have been spent working. I'd ignored him though and he didn't speak again until after finishing the sandwich. I think it was ham and cheese; he ate less Ramen here, I noticed.

"Oh come on!" he exploded, as I knew he would. "It means sex! Have you had sex?! The cherry is virginity, gee! No need to go in such a mood." I frowned. God that was so obvious. Wait…sex? Naruto had had sex? When? With who?

"You've had sex?" I faced him head on as he stammered in obvious discomfort.

"Wh-what do you care?! Yes I have. Just like you I bet! You're not the only one who grew up while away!" I think he felt the temperature drop, but I couldn't care less. Did I have a sign on my head saying 'slut' or 'whore'? No? Then why did he automatically assume I'd had sex. I barely knew what sex was! Not that I cared! Who cared about stupid hormones! I can still remember the anger that had sizzled through me then.

Naruto was supposed to have the bed tonight, but I'd kicked him out whenever he tried to sneak in. Eventually he gave up; so much for his determination. Idiot Dobe! But…it agitated me to think that he's so experienced, that he had actually…had sex. I'm not sure what I thought before about sex and Naruto but I was now a little perturbed by the information. I suppose that I had always presumed he spent all his time training to bring me back. I never considered the possibility of him having…relationships…with other people.

The thought didn't please me, not in the slightest. I hadn't taken an interest in sex at all yet. None of the women I'd come into contact with had ever peaked that particular point for me. In all honesty sex was something I knew very little – almost nothing – about. Except that it made babies. And that if you were unlucky then you could catch diseases. But when it came to actually doing that sort of stuff I had…no idea.

I knew how to masturbate, but I'd never done it. I supposed I would just fiddle around and rub myself until I…I don't know really…felt good? People must masturbate for a reason…I just wasn't very sure what that reason was, so I had never done it. I wondered what the appeal was. I wondered if I tried it would I realize. I certainly didn't like not knowing. Not liking was better than not knowing.

So maybe I should try it? That was what crossed my mind. What harm would it do? But as I disposed of my boxers and took hold of myself I found I was in a rather embarrassing predicament. When I touched myself it felt…ordinary. There was nothing different about it. Was that masturbation? I rubbed my limp member slowly first, then picking up pace, then moving my hand in different ways, adding pressure, grasping and un-grasping. But all in all I was fairly…bored by it.

I had no idea why people would ever want to do something as stupid and insignificant as that. It was just embarrassing and I felt like an imbecile for even trying. If that was what sex felt like then I would probably never engage in it. At all. No matter what experience the dobe had.

And so I returned to bed.

…

**Chichiue means father (when speaking of your own father) for those who didn't know…and for those who are interested otousan is if you're addressing your father or speaking of someone else's. Haha is the same – for mother - and okaasan to speak of someone else's or directly to your own…Yay I did my research. I feel quite proud…even if you guys already knew that before. **

**Okay, another update! I had planned to make this one slightly longer, however I'm leaving in three hours to go on holiday to Bulgaria with my friends. So I thought I'd update before I go, just to be nice…**

**So I hope you love the chapter! **

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**Tessa* pronounced "teh-sah".**

**Lusca* pronounced "loo-s-kah".**

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**Xx..xX**


	7. Hill

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

**…**

**Hill**

_I could hear singing. I recognised the voice, though perhaps not immediately. In fact I almost doubted my instincts, for why should I dream of Sakura? But as I turned where I stood on the white earth and swivelled through the white mist in search of a visual to match the sound, there she was. Sakura stood on a stage, one with flowers and cherry blossoms to surround her, singing into a microphone. Yet there was no audience. No, surely there was nobody here but myself. The sight puzzled me…where was I? _

…_Don't try to explain your mind, _

_I know what's happening here…_

"_Outoto." I turned, looking again for a body to match the assumption. Sakura's song continued while a turned again and again. Though through the heavy mist Sakura's saddened appearance had vanished. I struggled to pull even my own weight through the thickness of it. _

…_One minute it's love and, _

_Suddenly,_

_It's like a battlefield…_

"_Outoto," I turned. Where was he? I could see nothing anymore. Even the sand beneath my feet was too far for the mist to allow._

…_One word, _

_Turns into a war._

_Why is it the smallest things,_

_That tear us down…_

"_Where…?" I asked, wanting to see him more than anything. Even Sakura's bleak visage would have helped me understand this dream. It was like no other. _The feeling _surrounded me. "Where are you…Itachi?!" My body broke into a run and in the next instant I was in a room; a room not unfamiliar to me. And yet it was not the same. It had been too long for me to remember the last time I'd seen my brother's bedroom look like this._

…_My world's nothing when you're gone, _

_I'm out here without a shield…_

_He was standing by the bed, crouching to look underneath. He was younger than me, I realised. The thought sickened me. He must have been only eleven or twelve here. I saw him pull something out from under the bed. It was large and struggling and I knew immediately what it was. I felt even worse when the noise began. The laughter grew and grew until both were in a fit of giggles. Lying on Itachi's bedroom floor tickling one another. _

…_Can't go back, _

_Now…_

"_There," he panted, "I found you." his voice carried such feeling that I had remembered so vividly in other dreams. I stared at myself with apathy though. I had been a foolish child. Playing games, acting up, it had been unnecessary and I wished I had not been so very blind. _

…_Both hands, _

_tied behind my back, _

_for nothing…_

"_Aniki! Aniki! Play with me more!" The small body whined, pitifully, climbing over him enthusiastically. But no. "No, no, Sasuke. I have something to do." At the look on the child's face, though, Itachi softened. "I'll play with you again soon, Outoto. I promise." And I couldn't watch when he raised two fingers and tapped the boys forehead. With my head turned, I listened on to Sakura's song._

…_Oh, no,_

_These times when we climb so fast to fall,_

_Again… _

_My head turned back when I felt pressure on my wrist. He was standing in front of me, tears trickling their way down his cheeks. Itachi was alone now and the room faded fast, dissolving into a mist once more. This mist was different though; slightly darker; slightly thinner. He was holding my wrist. I didn't mind the contact, though I knew very well how I should, but he was so warm. _

…_Why we got to fall for it,_

_Now…_

"_Itachi…" I tried, prying for the reason behind his upset. It was the only way I'd be free from this dream. _The feeling _was getting worse with each passing moment. He opened his mouth to speak but my world erupted into a white nothingness and I awoke. _

I couldn't remember the last time I'd woken from a dream only to hear myself screaming. And I was screaming that night. Was screaming every night. I had foolishly believed that my nightmares were getting better, they had lessened up until that point but from that first night onwards I had been plagued by this one recurring dream over and over and over again. And each time I would wake in the same state; sweaty, screaming and sobbing. I despised it. But what I despised even more so was the dream - it contained nothing that should be strong enough to render me this catastrophically behaving and yet each and every time would be exactly the same. Even the events that followed.

It took only moments for Naruto to charge through the door. I was on the sofa tonight and he had taken the bed. He was by my side in an instant, asking me if I was all right. I didn't answer. I never answered. The first time it happened Naruto had panicked and fussed and touched so much that I'd had to punch him. At least now he knew what was happening when it occurred. That didn't make the situation any less humiliating for me. Then again, I never did care for showing emotion and having Naruto see me when my face was so wet with tears and sweat, when my voice was scratchy from the yelling and my hair a mess from the struggling was not something I enjoyed.

He was always fairly accepting of it. He never pressed me to tell him what it was I dreamt of, which was good of him, if a little unusual given his character. It didn't take us long to settle back down and then he returned to bed and I lay back on the couch. The dream plagued my mind for the remainder of the night.

It was the most wretched dream I'd ever had. And it was the only one I ever had any more. Each time I had it though, I kept missing something. It felt so unfinished when I awoke and _the feeling _grew so much as the dream continued. I was almost certain that it was that feeling which caused such disgraceful outbursts of emotion. And perhaps frustration at the incomplete ending. Nevertheless I had to deal with it at least once a fortnight. I suppose I was lucky, in a way, that I no longer had any other nightmares.

When eventually I saw what a waste of time it was to lay on the couch when I obviously would get no more sleep, I began to study. It was still dark outside - though for it was summer I knew it would not last. The summers here were as I'd expected; hatefully hot. Last summer had been dreadful. I had burnt more than I have in my life, and everyone dragged me to the beach each and every day of it. Perhaps this year - being the second year - would be better. I knew how to cope with it. The village did indeed have creams for protecting skin, it had taken me too long to find that out then though and by that time my skin had already been blistered. This time I knew better. I had already bought cream and was using it very wisely.

Naruto hated when I studied; 'what's the point in that' he would say all the time to me but I paid him no attention when he did. I actually enjoyed studying. It took up a large part of my life now. I knew it was useless information for when we left this place but still…I liked to be the best in things and this was no different. Back when I'd chosen my six subjects last year I'd had no idea what I was letting myself in for.

I had taken artistic studies - which I liked most because I shared classes with Mai and that assured things were always to be laughed at. The actual work was something like a stress reliever, much to Naruto's happiness for after art classes or whenever I was particularly artistic Naruto was always let off easily. Until I'd finished being relaxed and then he had to deal with his ignorance and my anger completely.

I'd also chosen to take a course in language. Writing was a main part in that class, as was reading; both I enjoyed, though according to my sensei my writing lacked…life, he said it was. He said my writing felt dead. Which I was still surprised at because in Dramatic studies I managed to portray emotion easily. I was the best in that class, definitely. The teacher had even suggest I go on to become an actor but I thought that ridiculous. In all honestly I'd never believed myself an actor but I suppose my lack of emotion helps me fake things.

Those three were my favourites, though I'd also taken musical studies which was almost as good. Supposedly I could sing and dance well. I stuck mostly to the singing, dancing felt a bit too dangerous since if I got carried away I could go a bit too fast. Faster than civilians could do. So dancing was not my forte, but apparently I could sing.

I had stuck with Physical studies with Naruto since I didn't want to miss out on the exercise, especially with our lack of training, but the boys annoyed me far more than I'd like to admit. Naruto loves it, with the exception of one boy. An older guy called Jose. I've met him outside of class once or twice since he is friends with Mai and Mika and as such often comes along for breaks. Naruto doesn't like him but I don't know why. Nobody in this town really deserves to be thought ill; they are all too nice, or perhaps I'm just in a better mood most of the time.

And my last subject was biological studies, it was interesting but often resulted in putting me in a bad humour, for I was growing more and more ashamed of what I had put my own body through in the years with Orochimaru. And Biological studies centred around the human body and how it worked.

But, all in all, I was satisfied with the way my subjects were going. I often thought it a shame that I might not be able to pass them at the end of the five year study period. For I doubted we would still be here by then. Since our arrival here the Hokage had sent two letters. The first to me and the second blatantly not to me. The second had contained nothing but notes on the 'goings-on' in the village and was addressed to Naruto all the way through. I'd had half a mind not to give it to him, but in the end I did not keep it hidden. He would find out eventually anyway and become even more of an annoyance with complaints.

He'd regarded it with much enthusiasm and excitement for about a day, then he seemed almost to forget all about it. It was no concern of mine, of course. I didn't care where his attentions lay as long as they caused no frustration for me.

Just as I expected when Naruto got up in the morning he had a few things to say about my studying. I ignored him, only smirking to myself for how well I knew him. He had to leave soon though to go downstairs. It was one of the days when he had no subjects. I, too, had fewer today but I still had to go in for two in the afternoon. Therefore Naruto opened the bar early and worked until I returned from my subject, then I took over.

Riki*, the only waiter who'd been here from the very beginning, came in five days a week and we had three other employees - I say 'we' but it was actually Kippomaru and Rizzo who employed all of us, but I practically ran this business now. Besides, it was my money - Naruto's as well - that had paid for all the improvements done to the place. And it was well improved. I was no longer ashamed to work here.

We had transformed the dingy bar into a substantially well looking bar and diner. We had knocked down the wall separating the bar and the storage room through and kept only a small side room for the storage and staircase, as well as installing a small toilet. The bar now stood in the middle, circular and well-kept. The place looked much better decorated too - all my own doing, Naruto knows nothing of style - and was now quite popular in the village. We had even had a few students come through from the apartment complex a few miles through the forest. The one for students which had it's own diners and shops. They rarely ever came here but with the new look and Naruto's popularity at school - educational establishment - we'd had a fair few visits.

I have to say I was proud. It was mostly my own doing and our pay had soared up as well - on my demand. Kippomaru certainly couldn't complain with the amount of money he was now gaining from the place. I had changed the name of it too. It used to be called 'Kippomaru's bar' but was now 'the burning makenki'. He had to agree with it. Because I was getting him good business. Naruto, I must admit, did work harder than he used to. But the boy could be so annoying when I was working with him. He got bored and caused a nuisance. He was always speaking to this customer or that and though it helped with business it gave me more work in the bar.

"See yah later, Sasuke. Unless you fancy coming down to help me today, just until your subjects start," he said as he started down the stairs, pausing to look back at me. "Or until the cook arrives! I'm on my own until then and nobody comes in until the restaurant opens at nine." He attempted to give me a pleading look but I wasn't buying it. I told him I might come down. It was simply so he'd go away, but perhaps I would, once I was finished with my studying.

I had never given any thought to the reasons for my choices when it came to the topics. I'd picked at random anything that seemed amusing. If I'd known I would actually…want to continue with them I might have chosen differently. It wouldn't do to get attached to such things. I had to always remember who I was and how I was nothing now. I was an avenger and now have no purpose. That is me. That is my life.

I would normally study for hours on end. I loved how it distracted my mind from even the idiot I was living with. Whenever Naruto was downstairs he would make such a noise that it was hard to destract myself and studying was just the antidote. Yet it was harder to concentrate on my studies this time, perhaps the dream still harbouring at the back of my mind was the key. That stupid dream. And I was absolutely convinced that it was linked to _the feeling_. Nevertheless, only half an hour later and I was down in the restaurant helping Naruto. There was extra work today since Naruto hadn't cleaned the dishes the night before so now I was doing them for him while he cleaned the tables and bar and toilet.

We didn't talk much as we worked, which was slightly unusual since Naruto always has something to say. Not that I was complaining, I would just rather he acted as normal. I hate when things change, especially when it involves Naruto. I like him to be constant. He is the only constant part of my life after all. Yet he seemed almost - distracted. If something was on his mind he had better tell me about it. It gets on my nerves when he sulks about.

"Naruto…?" But I never got to finish my question for he spun over to me so fast that I was forced into silence. What on earth was the matter with the boy? He stood mumbling for a minute before snapping his head up with a look of force in his eyes.

"You're coming with me tonight."

Was that all he was going to say…? I wasn't sure what to make of his odd behaviour so I simply raised an eyebrow. If he got any weirder I contemplated knocking him out. Perhaps when he woke up he would have more sense.

"I…uh…found this place…that time I went with Tessa and Lusca to the…er…to the student complex thingy…Well I found this place when I was off walking by myself and I…I was wondering…Well actually it was Mai's idea…I wouldn't have even asked if she didn't say I should…and I don't even really want you to come but she really insisted and-"

"Naruto. Out with it, I'm sick of your rambling." What was his problem today?

He huffed a little, looking highly uncomfortable. "…I want to show it to you…If you'll come…which you should! 'Cause it's awesome!" I weighed the situation. I knew there was something he wasn't telling me. I was sure of it. I didn't really believe all that stuff about it being Mai's idea, she's intrusive but she could never convince Naruto of something, his mind is too far gone for anybody of normality to even attempt to control him.

But maybe she knew about this…and I liked Mai…well I didn't like her. She was nice…I could put up with her. I had actually made plans for tonight. It was the only day in weeks that I had tonight off work at the same time as Riki and we had arranged for me to go over to his apartment. He didn't live in the student flats but had no parents to look after him. So he was given a flat of his own. In our time working here together we had formed a sort of…understanding of each other.

I don't have friendships you see. I don't do friendships. Friends only cause pain. But…when I looked at Naruto and saw how badly he seemed to want this I thought that perhaps I could go with him. If it wasn't worth it then I would take it out on him later. I'd spend all morning in the shower so he couldn't shave…for five days. That would teach him.

I was actually more empathetic to Naruto when it came to the facial hair, for I had eventually began puberty myself. Though it wasn't all I had wanted it to be. It was more. And not in the places that I liked. There wasn't very much of it because my hair grew fairly thin but…it made me feel dirty. It was ugly and curly and I disliked it very much. So now I took longer shaving than him. And he was about as understanding as I had been. My little moustache couldn't take that long could it? He would wonder in amazement at how long I spent shaving. I wouldn't tell him to truth of course…that I shaved my legs and armpits and…It wasn't something he needed to know.

So I agreed to go with him, hoping Riki wouldn't hold a grudge. I doubted it. People in this village were far more obliging than any I had ever encountered before. It was Naruto who held the grudge over Riki. From the very start of our acquaintance Naruto had been trying to get me to stay away from him. He thought Riki a bad influence on me. I could only stare at him in wonder when he told me. That he could consider anybody a bad influence on me was insane. I would say I'm the worst influence on anybody in this village. Idiot Dobe.

He waited until nightfall when our last shift was completely finished, dishes and all, before taking me out into the woods. He took me though a small expanse of trees and through the students apartments, through more trees until everything grew extremely dark, the lights from the houses behind us faded and we walked even more.

He took me much farther than I'd anticipated and each time I thought he would stop and declare us there, he continued on. For a while I held the belief that he had gotten lost, which I was non too pleased about, since, and I winced inwardly at my naivety, I had not bothered to remember the way back. Being lost in this dense forestry at night with Naruto did not sound appealing. As it was I was lucky, for Naruto had not forgotten the way - it was just farther then I thought possible for his small brain to remember.

The place he took me to was really nothing special; just a mildly tall cliff, swamped by trees on all sides that looked down on a sandy stream with blossoms of flowers and bushes of foreign plants. None of which I could see clearly in the slim moonlight. The first thought I had was of all the things I'd seen here, on this island, this place was not only the most tropical, but also the most dangerous. Compared with everything else here the steep hill posed the most threat; if a child were to come running through here they would never see the drop before they hit the bottom.

Naruto took a seat on the ledge and sighed in contentment, looking straight through the slip of trees and into the full moon. It shone clearly on the hill from it's position above the stream. I couldn't deny that it was…nice…in a way…though _the feeling _basked in times like these and that stopped me enjoying the moment too much. But for as long as I stood there in silence I could not fathom why I had been brought here. There must have been a reason and I found it extremely off-putting for Naruto to do such a thing for no reason at all. He was not to type for things like this; he was loud and annoying. This was calm and peaceful. His behaviour made me suspicious.

"Sit down." He eventually said, patting the space beside him. And I didn't disobey him - not because I wanted to give him what he liked but because walking had made me bored and I liked to think this was going somewhere. He would regret wasting my time. So I took the seat beside him, forced close enough that our legs pressed together in a way that should have made me uncomfortable.

Again the silence reigned over us. I was tempted to speak up, just to break to atmosphere. Not that it was uncomfortable; the atmosphere. But the fact that it wasn't made me unpleased. Yet I didn't know what I could say, I didn't want to seem weird, because I couldn't remember the last time I had started a conversation with Naruto.

There was something I had been itching to know for a long time. I held the belief that Naruto had been involved in relationships before he came here. I just wanted to know about them. I could never ask, though, because I knew I would hate someone asking me about that, had I ever been in any sort of sexual relationships. As it turned out I didn't need to bring it up; Naruto walked right into it himself.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke!" His outburst startled me in each and every way and for a few minutes I was - shamefully - a little stunned. For starters the shout had came from nowhere and cut through the silence like a brick through glass. His attitude also aroused something within me…something distinctly…flattering. And then…it was my birthday?!

…oh yes…so it was. Strange of me to forget. Then again I'd never been partial to celebrating my birthday. In fact…I don't remember having one last year. I must have forgotten it as well. How on earth Naruto knew about it was beyond me. I supposed I should have been grateful; for the reminder if nothing else, but I wasn't really, not until he came up with a brilliant plan to give me what I wanted.

"Anything." He said, with such nervousness that I even kept my mouth shut as he snatched my hand and held it between us. "Anything you want, I'll give to you. I didn't know what you would want for birthday so I thought I'd ask…then you could get anything." And I felt suddenly very thankful to him. He had given me a chance to bring it up. He had given me a chance to bring up something I could never have brought up before. Yes, I was relieved to get it off my chest. It had followed me for so long I would have liked to cut it away.

"Well…I want to know about your relationships." Was what I said, fully aware of how I sounded but too full of relief to care all that much. He looked at me strangely and asked what I meant. When I told him 'who you've had sex with', in a tone that betrayed none of my building anticipation, he blushed brilliantly and I loved every moment of his discomfort. I was a little embarrassed too but his blatancy certainly made up for it.

"Well…um…" I felt myself stare at him, though I could see that he was beginning to grow upset. "It was…Sakura was my girlfriend for a while…" I should have expected that, yet I had never for a moment thought it would be her. I felt eager to know more so I nudged his side when the momentary silence began to grate on my nerves. It was only then that I saw the shimmer of tears in his eyes. He turned his head away and sighed shakily. Obviously he thought I would not notice. Obviously he thought it shameful to cry in front of me. Why talking of this would make him cry I had no idea but I would all too soon find out.

"Yeah…Sakura." His voice was distant and there was a look on his face that I saw now as guilt. He was guilty?

A sigh. "We were dating…for a while…a few whiles. We kinda kept falling out and stuff…only not really." I resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow but kept listening despite my own growing nervousness. Why I was nervous I had no idea.

"It…didn't really work out." He turned to look at me and I was glad his tears hadn't fallen. "It didn't work out." he repeated, as if only now convincing himself of it. I wondered…had she been the one to break things off?

"Every time we tried to have something…a spark or something…it was just missing. It was - my fault. Completely. I don't blame her at all. There just…wasn't anything there."

I felt sure I knew what had happened and although I felt cruel I couldn't stop myself. "Why did you keep going back to her then. If she didn't love you why not…move……on…" But now he was looking at me solemnly, utter agony etched into his eyes before his head fell to my shoulder.

"No." He moaned to me. "No, I…I just couldn't say no to her. All those times. All those times I said I loved her and chased her and then when I got her I was so happy! So happy! Yet…I led her on! I lied all those times and I didn't love her and then she loved me…for real…and I hurt her." His hand squeezed mine almost to the point of pain but I stayed silent, waiting for him to compose himself.

He pulled away, looked into the trees, wiped his eyes, took a deep breath and faced me. "I did try. I really tried to love her but I couldn't. I won't forgive myself for it. But I did try." He sounded more like he was attempting to tell me something secret. Something beneath the lines and I was reminded of the look on Sakura's face the last time I had seen her. From across the battlefield she had looked so angry…so jealous.

Did she have a reason to be? Looking at our linked hands, where his thumb rocked backwards and forwards over my skin I wondered to myself. Did she have a reason to be jealous of me? Naruto's laughter interrupted my thoughts.

"So, yeah! That was my first! And only!…kinda." Well…now he had peaked my interest again and seemed to notice from my new stare. "Oh no! Don't make me tell you more!" but he laughed and seemed to have no problem sharing even more.

"This is confidential though. You must tell nobody! I'd have to kill you." He winked, then pouted in mock insult as I snorted.

"No, seriously, we were so stupid even doing the things we did. It was all for fun though…just curiosity but…wow - we could've really got in trouble!" I wished he would just tell me already. I got the message. He wasn't supposed to do it.

"But - it was when I went to Suna one time. I'd gone to speak with Gaara and train a little with him, but, I was chilling one night with Kankuro and Temari…" I had a feeling I knew what was coming; he'd cheated on Sakura with Temari or something idiotic like that. "Temari left early cause she was training a group of genine the next day, but me and Kankuro stayed up really late and we just sort'ah decided to…experiment." he looked at me a little wearily. I hadn't really expected that but now I knew what he meant when he had said they could have gotten into trouble. Had they been caught they would have been executed. Perhaps not Kankuro but Naruto definitely. Suna wasn't quite as strict and Gaara could have protected him. Naruto would have been doomed.

"Don't look at me like that!" He exclaimed at my look of disbelief. "I'm not looking at you like anything…I just think it was careless of you." I replied honestly.

"Yeah, well! We were young and wanted to know what it felt like."

An awkward silence spread around us, this time tempting me to remove my hand from his. For some reason I didn't though, and my curiosity got the better of me as I asked what it was like. To say Naruto seemed surprised might have been an understatement, or it could have been an overstatement, either way he refused to answer me. His expression made me smirk and he laughed too.

Conversation continued from that point, I said little but listened a lot. The topic of my own sexuality came up, and in my new found good mood it didn't take long for him to pry a confession of my inexperience out. It was less embarrassing than I thought as well, and I managed not to be offended again when he looked shocked.

And as I returned to the apartment later than I'd ever expected I had to admit - silently to myself - that it had been the best birthday I could recall.

**…**

**The name of the bar lol I chose that name because I wanted it to be something to do with fire, from Sasuke's family bloodline thingy. And makenki means the spirit of rivalry. I just thought that fit Naruto and Sasuke so well…**

**I do apologise for the massive length between updates. I have a good excuse. I was away on holiday for three weeks and then I was moving house and had a lot to do. Sorry though, I will try to fix this by updating fast for a while.**

**Hope you enjoyed!!!**

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**Riki* pronounced 'Ree-kee'**

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**Xx..xX**


	8. Touch

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Touch**

The sand bit into my thighs as I attempted to crawl as far underneath the parasol as was physically possible. I could barely believe I had come with them - again. This was the second time this summer I had been dragged to hell, though this time I might have put up less of a fight. If only because I knew already how utterly pointless it would be to argue. Perhaps if it were only Naruto I could have gotten out of it; I could have just punched him. As it was however, Mai, Mika, Lusca, Tessa and even Jose - which Naruto was none too pleased about - had bothered to drag me here. I couldn't put up much of a fight without there being tedious consequences.

They could not, though, get me out from under the shade. No matter how much they complained, I would not sacrifice my skin in order to look like a child. The scratchiness of the ground beneath me was bad enough but the idiots had stolen my towel earlier in attempts to get me up. Needless to say they had failed. I won't deny I had been tempted, and part of me still was, to go and retrieve my towel, if only to save myself the discomfort I was already in, but I was managing to refrain. I would not give in to them. I had no sun cream on my back you see…I couldn't reach. So it was impossible. I would not risk it.

Naruto still didn't understand this and continued to come my way now and then to complain. I had mentioned that it would be nice if he would bring me back my towel but the dobe had refused. No doubt it was due to the way I had growled the words at him and called him a hassle. But it was my towel! They had just left it lying in a heap on the ground by their bags while I sat here trying to avoid getting grains of this aggravating sand in my hair. That was what had happened last time and had it had taken me weeks to remove each and every molecule. Naruto was fine, though I doubted he cared, with his hair he had nothing to worry about. You couldn't see sand in his for the colour, but in mine it was as clear as day and was less than flattering, nor clean.

I can't say I didn't find myself mildly amused as I watched them splash around in the sea like fools. But I would certainly rather be here, safe from the sun. Mai also often glanced at me and a few times even she had attempted to lure me out of my shelter. I had been less harsh to her, since a simple 'no' should suffice. Not like Naruto, who now had Tessa perched upon his shoulders while the two battle Mai upon her brother's. I wondered for a moment where the other two were but let it pass.

The close position had my eyebrows furrowing; each and every time we were together like this I noticed Tessa's behaviour. She was flirting more and more with Naruto and it continued to grate on my nerves. I didn't much care about her feelings for him since they seemed purely sexual and less of an attachment than I had first suspected. It could pose a threat if Naruto were to become attached to her. They could not be together. It would not be practical. We would not be here long. If he loved her. If he loved her it would be a problem. So I was satisfied that she seemed only attracted to him on a physical level. That would do.

Naruto did seem to enjoy her physically as well. He tended to glance at her a certain way that I supposed must be attraction. But there was also something else. Something complicated in his eyes when he looked at her that I found unnerving. It was exceedingly difficult for me to distinguish, so usually I didn't try. Though…sometimes he almost appeared sad when he watched her. I couldn't understand it. Today though, I felt more irritated at their behaviour than normal. Especially when she fell from his shoulders and dragged them both under water, only for them to resurface moments later clinging to one another. Very irritable.

It was only when I felt something shift beside me that I noticed Lusca had taken a seat next to me. When he had approached me I wasn't sure and it irked me further that my Ninja skills had slipped so drastically in so little time.

"Are you…okay?" He asked hesitantly. He was never one to pry into someone else's business. But he was nice enough and cared for other people more than he should.

"Fine." I nodded to ease him and turned my head to the water again. Jose had joined them from where I supposed he had been sunbathing and I could see from here how much Naruto disliked his presence. I still couldn't see what the problem was, Jose was very much like Naruto; loud, attention-seeking, immature. Yet when they were together they completely clashed, almost as much as Naruto did with me, though I had never found a problem with Jose.

"I'm sorry you have to sit here by yourself." Lusca said, uneasily. I suppose I probably made him feel difficult. He wasn't used to being the one to speak, but I said even less than he did. "It's fine." I told him, hoping he would stop bothering himself with me and go back to the others. It didn't happen.

"Eh…if you don't want me here…I could go back with them, but - it's just I wanted some shade, and this is the only parasol we took." I felt sort of selfish at that. I had never been horrible to him, but I'd never gone out of my way to be nice either. It seemed he thought I disliked him.

"No, it's fine." I realised I should probably say something else, but I knew nearly nothing about him. In all the times we had been around each other I had never bothered to learn anything. In fact, out of everyone here - disregarding Naruto - the only ones I really knew were Mai, Mika slightly also since he shared my English class but not really anyone else. I knew them by appearance, name and personality but very little of their lives. Well…I knew this parasol was Lusca's, it had been him who suggested it to me when I had tried to use my sensitive skin as an excuse not to come.

"Thanks for letting me use this anyway."

"Oh no…" He shook his head rapidly before catching himself and starting over. "Well I suppose…but it's not actually mine." It wasn't his? Then why was he the one to offer it? I was beginning to wish I had not bothered with this conversation. I must have shown my confusion on my face since a moment later Lusca answered my unasked question. This worried me for a brief moment; if he could read me so easily then what had happened to my mask? But the moment past as the conversation caught me.

"It's Mika's. We…we're living together now." He grew slightly more confident in his tone and smiled lazily. "We got a place together about two months ago…I though you would have known." No, I certainly hadn't known. The news interested me more than it should have.

"No." I said. "I hadn't heard." The conversation could have been over but for some reason I wanted to continue. What could it be like living with Mika? He was someone with which I shared a lot in common and we tended to get along well due to that. But to actually live with him…I couldn't imagine it. Mika was one of the angriest people I had met. Well…perhaps not angry; he had nothing to be angry about, but he was definitely aggressive and it was obviously a lot to put up with. Sharing a life with him couldn't be an easy task - especially for someone as timid as Lusca.

"What is it like?" Because it must have been strange for him and by asking that showed I had an interest. Not that I actually did…I just wanted him to think that.

He paused for a while, a slow smile creeping across his thin features. "It's different…definitely different. Living with a boyfriend is nothing like living with Family like I did before. It's so much more…intimidating." Intimidating?

"How so?"

He breathed a short laugh. "Kinda intimidating. Well…I dunno. it…can be awkward quite a lot. Like Sometimes I want to keep to myself but I never can, you know…" He went on to tell me how much he felt they should move around each other. It's not like I cared but I listened anyway. They had trouble almost constantly - eating, sleeping, even studying and spending time with friends.

"So it gets hard sometimes. Sometimes all I want is to be around him and nothing else, then other times I just like my own space. I suppose it's not something you can understand until you experience it yourself…" He was right. I didn't understand.

"Why don't you just move out then?"

"No! No, I don't want to move out. I love living with him. I really, really do. And we'll get used to it after a while, I'm sure. It's early yet."

"But isn't it simpler when you can choose when to see him?" I could almost feel the confusion etch itself into my face. I hoped it wasn't as obvious as it seemed to be.

Lusca laughed, a warm, light-hearted laugh. "Well, that's true. But living with Mika…living with him is amazing. It's like we're sharing a life of our own. All grown up and stuff. Did I mention how it gets tempting to just forget the rest of the world and do nothing but stay in with each other." I didn't reply. The conversation had long escaped me. It was silent for a while and I was gracious enough to wonder if I had offended him with my lack of response. I doubted it though - Lusca was far too optimistic for that.

I watched Mai and Tessa as they clambered about their towels applying new sun cream to themselves. In fact, I thought it might be a good idea to do so myself. Popping open the cap to my sun cream I generously rolled the substance along my bare arms. I offered Lusca some but he politely declined with thanks, saying he had put on before coming out. So had I but I said nothing.

That was when he offered me his help. For a moment I had stared at him with what I hoped was a blank look; unable to comprehend someone putting their hands on me in such a way. But then I saw out of the corner of my eye Tessa rubbing oil on Mai's back and thought that it would be useful. If it wasn't so awful having someone touch me. I'd never really given this much thought but it was strange wasn't it? To dislike someone's touch so much. It wasn't normal. And for as long as we had been here and no matter how much we had fitted ourselves in, standing out was still not an option. And it would certainly help to have protection on my back. I was worried for my skin after all.

So I took a chance. I could put up with it for a few moments. At first it was completely horrid. I couldn't recall a time when anyone had touched my naked back. The feeling assaulted me with immediate distaste and I felt like tearing him away from me. Every inch he touched felt like it was burning and my senses were so heightened to his actions that I worried he would take notice of how dreadfully tense I had become. I couldn't even bring myself to check if he was insulted. He continued anyway.

I wondered vaguely when this had begun…when I was little I know I had no problems with people touching me. In fact I liked the contact; it made me feel warm and loved. This was cold and frightening. I wasn't even breathing. So when had this started? In battles I had often removed my shirt and fought skin to skin and that had never bothered me either. But then…it wasn't so intimate. It didn't make me feel so completely at another's mercy. And I did feel like that. I felt powerless and weak. God, he had barely started. He was only just applying the cream. I had to get him to stop.

My nakedness concealed nothing; my discomfort was in plain view and I thought perhaps it would make him hurry. Instead it merely made him hesitant and with it - careful - and with it - slow. It was interrupted quickly though. He had barely applied enough cream when Naruto arrived. Immediately I felt grateful when the hands retreated. Just to feel myself again was a relief to all my senses. That is until I became aware of my surroundings again. When I noticed Lusca jogging through the sand and back towards the others, Naruto nowhere within my sight, a dreaded feeling pooled in my stomach. Because I just knew that Naruto had taken Lusca's place behind my back.

This time to touch was different. Naruto didn't hesitate and he didn't go slow. He wasted no little time applying the rest of the cream before spreading it into my skin. His hands felt distinctly gritty from the sand and cold from the water they had been splashing in. I almost shivered but kept myself firm. I wanted his hands off me as soon as possible. Just because the panic and burning was gone did not mean it was acceptable for him to have his hands on my skin. It was not.

But he was taking his time with the rubbing. The circles he painted on my back were hard and forceful, but not painful or harsh. My muscles, I could feel, relaxed under the pressure. He rolled his hands slower with time and in turn my feelings turned softer. It didn't take a genius to notice that he wasn't just rubbing sun cream on me any more. His hands kneaded my muscles tenderly but with bold caresses. I realised my eyes had closed and tried to pry them open again - with little success.

It's the most awful feeling. When you know you want something to stop so much it tears your mind to peaces and yet you crave more of it with each second. I refused to admit this - I refused to admit that he was, indeed, finished applying the cream to my back. I refused to believe that I was letting him continue for any reason except that he was not finished. I refused to believe that I did not hate the feeling of his fingers trailing my spine or his palms stocking my shoulder blades. I refused.

Eventually it did end. After what felt like an eternity. And Naruto - that idiot - merely stretched himself out, got up, offered me a hand and said "Well now, Sasuke! You don't have an excuse not to come with me!" I could have refused. I could have glared at him and insulted him and stayed where I was. But I didn't. I got up, ignored his hand, and strolled leisurely behind him into the sun.

Returning home felt strangely comforting. After joining everyone on the beach they had managed to keep me there for the duration of our stay - until it was dark. We had succeeded in finding our way back home eventually and for the first time I was glad for the home to return to. Naruto sighed and flopped himself over the old sofa, sprawling shamelessly over it like a sluggish sloth. I hissed an insult to him before nudging him with my foot. I suppose it was meant to be a kick.

I was surprised when my bad mood didn't return to me. Not even when I heard Naruto mutter to himself about 'asshole teme's and their mood swings'. It only made me smirk and continue into my nightwear. When we had first arrived here we would normally just sleep shirtless with our boxers on. But when Naruto had insisted on a sleepover we had purchased sleepwear; if only to appear more normal. So I changed my clothing in the bedroom while Naruto lay unmoving - probably uncaring about his nakedness. We didn't have trunks so what we'd been wearing today was actually Riki's. I had been the one to begrudgingly ask the favour of him. He was more than willing to comply but I felt a little silly when Naruto made so plain his dislike of the boy.

On my return to the living area I found Naruto in the same position as when I'd left; I almost contemplated the idea that he was asleep, but I knew better. Naruto was far to active to fall asleep so soon. I made some toast for us in the kitchen and sat on the good sofa, throwing his food at him, knowing he would catch it.

"Jeez, you act like I asked you to make it…" He grumbled under his breath; he seemed in a worse mood than I. We lapsed into silence, not a comfortable one like usual but a strained silence that stretched out centuries. Something was on his mind. I wondered idly how long it would take for him to tell me. He liked to pretend he hated sharing secrets with me. He loved it.

"…Sasuke?" See? It came when I was almost dozing off; it was Naruto's turn in the bedroom tonight anyway. I grunted my acknowledgement and felt him climb onto the couch next to me; atop my legs but I said nothing.

"Emm…I miss them. Back in Konoha. I wonder when we can go back." I said nothing and he paused for a long time. "I don't miss them like I used to." He said and with such intensity that I had to turn to look at him. His eyes were closed and his lip bitten between teeth.

"It's normal; you haven't seen them in almost two years." He didn't reply. Not immediately anyway and so when he did I was already lying with my eyes closed again. I didn't open them this time. His voice was soft.

"Do you ever feel like…like there are things out of your control. Things you'll never get rid of but you wish you could anyway?" I didn't need to be a genius to know what he was implying. I didn't reply but he proceeded as if I had.

"I do. So much sometimes I think it'll…I dunno. Like I'll burst or something." Again he paused and I waited, listening, though I don't know if he realised how much I was paying attention.

"He used to talk to me." It was a whisper this time, but it sounded so loud I opened my eyes again, but didn't look at him. "He used to say things to me; in my head and show me things I didn't want to see. I never told anyone. Not even Baa-chan or Sakura-chan. But he's been…sleeping…I think. He never speaks anymore. I can hardly even feel him now. I keep thinking." He stopped when his voice caught, and though I wanted him to continue I said nothing; I wouldn't admit that to anyone.

I waited patiently and eventually he did speak again after a loud sigh. "I keep thinking if it goes on like this he'll disappear - he'll just go away and never bother me again. Like he'll die or something. Rot away in his cage like the big fat bastard that he is."

He laughed. "I know it's not true, but I can't help wishing you know. I can't help thinking…" I couldn't stop myself.

"I know." I said. "I feel it too."

There was a bang at the window and I knew on impact what it was. My raven had returned with another letter. So, dragging my legs out from under the idiot I made my way over to the window, opened it, took my raven onto my arm, closed the window, and then was attacked by the dobe. Yes, in a flutter of loud noises Naruto grabbed my arm in an attempt to get to the bird. Now, my Raven is very much like me, since he is a clone and therefore a part of myself. He doesn't like big bright loud things attempting to grab him. It was not my fault that Naruto was then attacked by my Raven. It didn't stop Naruto from blaming me later though.

When eventually things had settled down, I began to wonder why Naruto had been so eager to get the letter anyway. It hadn't been very long since the last time we received word from Konoha so his eagerness was mildly puzzling. In any case he soon disappeared into the bedroom with the letter and left me and my Raven on the couch. I stroked his head and his wings, the soft texture and rich colour distracting me from how quiet the apartment had become.

I wondered if perhaps Naruto was just embarrassed about the feelings he had just revealed to me. But that didn't seem much like him - Naruto wasn't really one to hide feelings or to become embarrassed easily. So maybe it had something to do with the last letter we received. In truth I hardly read them any more. Most - if not all - were purely for Naruto and held nothing in them that I needed, or wanted, to know. However…

I knew where they all were. We kept them in a drawer in the kitchen. The third drawer down next to the sink. The one under the cutlery and the towels. That's where they were. I would know since I'm the one who put them there. Would it be rude of me? If I were to, maybe, read the last one. I didn't think so. They were brought here by my Raven in the first place. If it weren't for me he would receive no word whatsoever.

So, making my way quietly to the kitchen I opened the drawer and look the bundle of letters out, picking the one from the top before replacing them. It was then that I realised my Raven was still there, standing at the entrance to the kitchen, looking at me. I let him out and watched him return to the skies. Return to Konoha.

The letter was not long, but it was written with very little conduct and addressed to Naruto. I unfolded it and began reading.

_Naruto,_

_I hope you will be able to decipher my hand writing for I fear it to be illegible. _

_You will surely remember when I last told you of Ino and Sai's plans to marry. I'm sure I didn't have to spell it out to you that this was not for love, but for concealment. And you do not know what stress this is causing me - being the one to tell you._

_There has been an accident. Perhaps an accident, perhaps a set up, I do not know very much of it yet, however. They were caught. Sai and Aijin* were discovered this morning during one of their meetings at his family cottage in the forest. Aijin will be safe, having a wife and a child already, however Sai has been taken into custody and I have little doubt of what is going to happen. _

_Of course there will be a hearing and I have reason to believe that everyone who knew of this beforehand will stand for him. Including Ino, who I must say is taking this the hardest. You know as well as I do how much their friendship has grown and I am sorry for her - so sorry that this had to happen. _

_That is not the worst of it. There is more. Not only I, but Shizune, Shikamaru and even Neji have expressed their doubt of this being unintentional. There is no proof as of yet that someone had told the council of Sai's activities. But I do not see how they would have known otherwise, which poses more questions of who and why. There are so little people who knew of their relationship to begin with that I am afraid to say it has been one of his friends - your friends. _

_I will contact you as soon as I know more. I know that by the time you receive this letter the case will be all but over and his fate decidedly carried out, but I will still ask you to pray for him. _

_With deepest regards and love,_

_Tsunade._

…

**Well. I think I got this finished pretty fast. Can you guess what has happened to Sai. Hehe I feel sort of cruel. I'm not usually so horrible to my characters, and I don't even hate Sai. **

**Hope you enjoyed!!!**

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**Aijin* pronounced 'ai-jin' it means lover.**

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**Xx..xX**


	9. Hurt

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.

…

**Hurt**

I'd let myself go. Somewhere along the line I'd given myself away. After some time here I had begun to feel for them, all of them and after that time I had thought of them as friends. I had believed that maybe things weren't always as blank as I saw them and maybe life wasn't all a pattern of blood and betrayal. Maybe I could live here, build a new purpose for myself here. I was wrong.

I was wrong to think that, even for a moment. I was wrong for ever letting such emotions control me in any way. I was wrong for bonding with them and most of all I was wrong for trusting them.

I was wrong for trusting him.

Never again.

I remember arriving at Riki's. Naruto complained - as usual - about my going over to his. I ignored him as I left him in the bar; I still didn't know why Naruto had such a grudge against Riki. As far as I was concerned there was nothing wrong with him. He was better than everyone else in the village.

I remember arriving there when it was still daylight. The house was so warm in contrast to the snowy outdoors and I took my shoes off automatically, knowing from previous visits that his mother liked shoes to be left at the door. So domestic. I'd snorted aloud when I first was told. His sister was the one who let me in; a sweet girl who loved pink, but I showed myself to his room.

I remember the bottles. He had lined them all up in order of height. Alcohol. I'd never asked where he got it from or how he managed to sneak it past his parents. I knew he would be in trouble if his father found out. His father was seriously strict. I smirked and placed myself on the floor across from him. He was leaning against his bed, a half empty bottle resting in one hand while he picked little pork sausages off a plate to the side. His mother liked making snacks for when his friends came round. According to his sister he didn't have many friends so I supposed his mother must like me.

I remember there was music playing. It was a rock band - something I had never thought of before coming to Riera. But music was something I needed to think of now, for my studies if nothing else. Riki's music was always low, soft in the background and I could always hear myself think over it. I'm not sure why I enjoyed spending evenings at Riki's. He was ordinary and totally civilian and yet time flew quickly whenever I was with him.

I remember we spoke of his sister, how she had taken interest in a boy at school and how Riki hated him. He told me how she would talk about this boy, how she and her friends would go out at the same time as he did just to see him. How it made Riki's blood boil just thinking of his baby sister going off with some stranger. I had found that amusing.

I remember we spoke of education, how each of us were doing. Riki didn't go to the same building we did. He was in the third; the one for specialised teaching. He was doing something to do with cake decorating. I had smirked at him and teased.

I remember we spoke of the bar, how he liked it better since the improvements and how he still wished he didn't have to work at all. He said work was a 'trivial' thing and only useful to get things you want. Money. He had laughed and mocked.

I remember we spoke of who should ask his mother for sandwiches after the sausages were all eaten. Riki had been nominated; I didn't handle alcohol so well - wasn't so used to it. We feared discovery and changed the music.

I remember we sang along to songs, jumping and rolling on the bed, throwing pillows and posing dramatically while his sister complained of the noise. We had to stay quieter after dark - in this neighbourhood it would be rude not to.

I remember lying on my back on the floor, watching as Riki rolled around, his laughter low but loud - contagious. I had shaken to control my own giggles.

I remember things had turned a little serious for a moment when we realised we were almost out of drink. Five empty bottles stared at us and only a few remained full. For a little while we had stared at each other, feeling the drama of the situation.

I remember laughing again. More than I ever remember laughing before. His father had warned us through the door that he and the mother were retiring to bed and he assured us that we would want to keep ourselves quiet from now on. It had made us laugh more, though we did tend to stifle some.

I remember him telling me something he'd never told anyone before, he said. I had watched him pull a razor out from under his bedside table. I had seen him draw it to his arm and cut.

I remember questioning; I had asked the why's and what's and when's and Riki had answered as best he could in the state he was in by then. I had been asked to try it myself.

I remember refusing, why would I? I didn't see the attraction. It seemed contradictory and lacking in any positive attributes, or so I think I thought. I was growing confused by then. And a drunken mind is easily swayed and I was persuaded.

I remember the blood, it had flowed carefully and neatly down my arm, catching at the tips of my fingers and dripping onto the towel we had laid out messily on the floor. The sting had come shortly after, hot and sharp and annoying. We had collected plasters and laughed again when they were too small.

I remember we went to sneak out with the last bottle, we planned on drinking it up on the roof. We had a plan, a safe strategy on how to get up there; we would climb his garden shed.

I remember stars and hard ground.

Then I remember the cold and harsh, angry shouts, hushed slightly but nevertheless frightening.

I remember pain in my arm when Naruto grabbed it, fury and fear in his face.

I remember it was dark. Too dark. I wanted to see. I didn't know where anything was.

I remember thinking Naruto would look after me, no matter how vile the notion seems to me now.

I remember realising just how vulnerable I had made myself when I fell for a second time, or maybe it was a first time. No, it was a second.

I remember Naruto shouted at me again and something broke.

I remember being against a wall, Naruto was far too close and my hands were on his chest, sweaty.

I remember it was hot, Too hot. Naruto was too close to me.

I remember being on the bed. Still too hot and growing more by the minute.

I remember Naruto above me and moving. I was moving too.

I remember thinking, still, that he was going to help me.

I remember what came next. The discomfort. The pain.

I remember I grabbed and screamed.

I remember Naruto covered my mouth with his hand.

I remember the tears. After a while, when the moving stopped and things grew silent.

I remember my shame, my embarrassment, but I still didn't understand what had happened.

I remember my hands were on my face, hiding, I had sobbed so much.

I remember his eyes, wet and blue, so blue.

I remember him kissing my hands, like I was something special.

The bastard.

The morning was even worse. When I had woken I was first crushed by the pain; all over me and so, so much. Naruto had been beside me, asleep and looking peaceful and quiet. My face felt sticky and it was then that I remembered. I couldn't remember everything, I admit. But it was enough. Enough to know what had happened, enough to realise what he'd done.

I peeled myself from the bed, the covers sticking to my naked body in such a vulgar way. If anything could have affected me more it was the dirt. The blood I could deal with. Obviously I had bled, I could feel that I had bled. But it was something else. There was more than just blood and I had never felt so humiliated in my entire existence.

I had gone straight to the bathroom, intent on cleaning myself and hiding from what had happened. But when I got there I realised that there was no lock on the door. If I moved to the shower to wash then he could get in. I couldn't let him in. So I had sat there on the bathroom floor, blocking the entrance and I had stared at the wall ahead of me.

I didn't cry, god no, I'd done that enough the night before. But I felt it, _the feeling _and much, much more. Everything crashed down onto me and I felt helpless and stupid because I had done it myself. I had allowed this place to change me. I had ignored it, every time I saw what was becoming of me I had pushed it aside. I had let down my defences and this was what I got in return.

Betrayed by the closest person I had left. He called himself my best friend…my brother! That bastard!

But I couldn't even find it in myself to feel angry at him, because it was my own fault. I'd let him get close to me. I'd let him in. Just like all the others. And now I was suffering for it. But not again. Never again. I would not feel this again. I would be rid of this feeling and every feeling. I would be numb. I would be numb.

I would be numb.

…

…**Yeah. It's very short but it's meant to be that way. It needed to be on it's own. Sasuke needed the space lol**

**Sorry if you don't really get what happened and the reason he didn't remember everything is cause he was drunk, just to clarify in case anybody didn't see that. **

**Erm…yeah…if you were wanting a better lemon scene than that then sorry to let you down. It's not the only lemon scene in this story anyway but I felt it needed to be the way it was. **

**And if Sasuke didn't seem himself it was due to the drink and the constant changing that has been going on in him.**

**Hope you enjoyed! **

**Xx..xX**


	10. Nothing

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Nothing**

My back ached from my position against the door but I refused to move. I couldn't let him in. Regardless that he was probably still sleeping. I couldn't risk it. Besides I…I didn't care that I hurt. It didn't matter to me. I didn't care.

I don't know why I was so tired. But I was. I really was. I wanted nothing more than to sleep. But I couldn't sleep. Not when he was still here. I was not afraid of him. Now that I lacked intoxication he would stand no chance against me. But still something held me back, pulled me away from him. I really didn't want to see him. But then…I don't care. I would see him…except I want to…skip…the annoyance of it? Yes. That would do. I was starting to sound like myself again.

My whole being froze when I heard movement away from the door. There was heavy breathing; a yawn and the scratching of blankets. The sounds stopped for a moment but then continued as they left off. I heard footsteps and water running. Was I holding my breath? Yes, yes I was. Why was I holding my breath? The apartment only had four rooms. The bathroom isn't exactly an adequate hiding place. Besides, he couldn't hear me breathing.

I let myself breath for a moment but it sounded so loud to me that I stopped almost in the same instant. I could hold my breath. It was fine. I didn't need to breathe. I would just listen and wait for him to leave. I didn't care about breathing. Breathing was for the weak.

The footsteps came closer and I could feel myself shake I was so tightly wound. But then they stopped and there was shuffling of cloth again, but not in the same way and I heard something thud a few times and with each I flinched unintentionally. Then the footsteps receded again and I almost sighed with relief until they came back again. He was playing with me. But oh. I almost forgot myself. I didn't care. I didn't care.

I heard loud scratchy sharp noises next. He was in the kitchen then. Definitely the kitchen. I didn't even feel surprised that it had taken me so long to work out. That was cutlery and dishes. He had been moving between the bedroom and the kitchen. The bedroom and the kitchen. I was going to throw up. I could feel it in my stomach. But I held it. I couldn't. Too much noise. Too much.

There was another noise shortly after , a burly, thick noise that I thought might be the washing machine. Definitely the washing machine. But then! Oh god. He was coming again. Coming towards me. I was getting light headed. Don't breath! Don't move. He won't know. He won't know. He won't know. He won't know.

The handle pulled down, the door loose and he pushed but the door stayed shut. He pushed again but the door stayed shut. He let the handle go again. Slowly. Slowly. And then…

"Sasuke?"

And then…

"…Sasuke?"

Silence. Silence for so long. Then the footsteps. Away. Away. Darkness. All I could see was darkness. My eyes closed. I didn't want to breathe but I had to. Too long, much too long. I felt ill. I tried to move to the toilet but my head was spinning. I gasped in the air that I needed too much of. But I was too late and the darkness came again. This time my eyes were not closed. Not yet.

_I could hear singing. I recognised the voice, though perhaps not immediately. In fact I almost doubted my instincts, for why should I dream of Sakura? But as I turned where I stood on the white earth and swivelled through the white mist in search of a visual to match the sound, there she was. Sakura stood on a stage, one with flowers and cherry blossoms to surround her, singing into a microphone. Yet there was no audience. No, surely there was nobody here but myself. The sight puzzled me…where was I? _

…_Don't try to explain your mind, _

_I know what's happening here…_

"_Outoto." I turned, looking again for a body to match the assumption. Sakura's song continued while a turned again and again. Though through the heavy mist Sakura's saddened appearance had vanished. I struggled to pull even my own weight through the thickness of it. _

…_One minute it's love and, _

_Suddenly,_

_It's like a battlefield…_

"_Outoto," I turned. Where was he? I could see nothing anymore. Even the sand beneath my feet was too far for the mist to allow._

…_One word, _

_Turns into a war._

_Why is it the smallest things,_

_That tear us down…_

"_Where…?" I asked, wanting to see him more than anything. Even Sakura's bleak visage would have helped me understand this dream. It was like no other. _The feeling _surrounded me. "Where are you…Itachi?!" My body broke into a run and in the next instant I was in a room; a room not unfamiliar to me. And yet it was not the same. It had been too long for me to remember the last time I'd seen my brother's bedroom look like this._

…_My world's nothing when you're gone, _

_I'm out here without a shield…_

_He was standing by the bed, crouching to look underneath. He was younger than me, I realised. The thought sickened me. He must have been only eleven or twelve here. I saw him pull something out from under the bed. It was large and struggling and I knew immediately what it was. I felt even worse when the noise began. The laughter grew and grew until both were in a fit of giggles. Lying on Itachi's bedroom floor tickling one another. _

…_Can't go back, _

_Now…_

"_There," he panted, "I found you." his voice carried such feeling that I had remembered so vividly in other dreams. I stared at myself with apathy though. I had been a foolish child. Playing games, acting up, it had been unnecessary and I wished I had not been so very blind. _

…_Both hands, _

_tied behind my back, _

_for nothing…_

"_Aniki! Aniki! Play with me more!" The small body whined, pitifully, climbing over him enthusiastically. But no. "No, no, Sasuke. I have something to do." At the look on the child's face, though, Itachi softened. "I'll play with you again soon, Outoto. I promise." And I couldn't watch when he raised two fingers and tapped the boys forehead. With my head turned, I listened on to Sakura's song._

…_Oh, no,_

_These times when we climb so fast to fall,_

_Again… _

_My head turned back when I felt pressure on my wrist. He was standing in front of me, tears trickling their way down his cheeks. Itachi was alone now and the room faded fast, dissolving into a mist once more. This mist was different though; slightly darker; slightly thinner. He was holding my wrist. I didn't mind the contact, though I knew very well how I should, but he was so warm. _

…_Why we got to fall for it,_

_Now…_

"_Itachi…" I tried, prying for the reason behind his upset. It was the only way I'd be free from this dream. _The feeling _was getting worse with each passing moment. Itachi opened his mouth and began talking, but no words came from his mouth, only silence, yet his mouth continued to move. He seemed like he was saying something important, his face turned strict, like father's and he pointed behind me. I didn't want to turn. I knew the moment I did _the feeling_ would grab hold of me. It would grow stronger, I knew. But how else could I escape this dream. How else could I get back to reality. I turned. _

…_I never meant to start a war,_

_You know I never want to hurt you…_

_I was in a field, the mist was thin enough for me to see but dark enough for me not to make out the entirety of the scene in front of me. There were people. So many people. But not the people I wanted to see. These were the people I never wanted to see in my dreams. All of them. Everyone. _

…_Don't even know what we're fighting for…_

_My mother, so kind and caring, so lovely stood next to my father, his shoulders high and mighty, strong and powerful. And proud, so, so proud. My cousins, all stood in a line with their parents behind them. My neighbours, my family. The Uchiha clan. _

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?…_

_Senju Hashirama, the Shodai and founder of the leaf village stood with them, his face emotionless as his depiction on the monument. The Nidaime, his brother at his side - Senju Tobirama. Even Sarutobi Hiruzen stood with them, young as he was in his prime. And Minato. Namikaze Minato. My eyes lingered on him for a moment. He was the only one to smile, and he looked like…he looked so much like Naruto as he stood there with the others. The Hokages. _

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?…_

_Orochimaru. He stood with them also. His sneer still firmly in place. His followers behind him. The sound four. Or five, to be more accurate. I recognised Kimimaro standing there, though I had never met him myself. The twins, Sakon and Ukon were there. Jirobu, Kidomaru and that girl Tayuya. _

…_Why does love always feel like…_

_Then there were the others, so many others. I saw a man who shared a striking resemblance with Kakashi and thought him to be the father. There were a group from Akatsuki, Hidan and Kakuzu were two of them. Standing between the Hokages and the Uchiha clan were two people, a girl and a boy. They looked young. Only about twelve. Genin. One had goggles on his head, black hair and a huge grin, the other had auburn hair, a rectangle print on each cheek and was looking at the other. They were missing someone. _

…_Can't swallow our pride, _

_and neither of us,_

_want to raise that flag…_

_I turned away from them then. A burning in my chest that I couldn't explain. _The feeling_ was taking over my mind, I could hardly think. What was this? I looked for my brother but what I found confused me. He was there, only, there were two. Itachi stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering him and his sharingan spinning next to my brother. My brother was young, twelve or so. He was kind and sorry and crying, he was holding someone by the shoulders. Someone short. Myself. _

…_If we can't surrender, _

_Then we're both going to lose what he have, _

_Oh, no…_

_I couldn't take my eyes away. But I didn't have to. They moved apart and there was a mirror, an image of myself. I stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering me and my sharingan spinning. I looked to Itachi. I looked to my brother. I looked to myself. What was this? I looked back to the mirror but it was gone, instead I could see in the distance. The thick fog was so light now, but so black. There was someone standing there in the distance - an army behind them, just like my army of dead behind me. _

…_both hands,_

_tied behind my back, _

_For nothing…_

_It was Naruto. Sakura's voice grew louder again, cutting through me like an arrow, piercing my chest and a pain so deep began to fester and grow. _The feeling_ bubbled inside me like a plague, tearing and eating its way through me. It was Naruto._

…_Oh, no,_

_These times when we climb so fast to fall,_

_Again…_

_I started walking, drawing closer, my army of death following at an equally slow pace. I wanted speed. I needed to get to him. I wanted some normalcy here. And I'd never before dreamt of Naruto. Not like this. I began to run, but my movements were so slow, my feet took years to move through the air, my steps were messy and hurried but I moved straight with accuracy. Slowly._

…_Why we got to fall for it,_

_Now…_

_I was reaching for him, almost there, I was almost to him. I needed to get to him. It was the only way. The only way to escape from this dream. _The feeling_ was getting worse with each passing moment. I drew closer but my world erupted into a white nothingness and I awoke._

My screams echoed in the empty bathroom, shivers wracked my body and I gasped, thrashing on the floor and struggling over to the wall. I scratched at the tiles and pushed against the cold, hard surface. I tried to catch my breath but _the feeling _lingered everywhere and I continued to cry.

I continued to scream, not even realising how much I wished Naruto was here with me. I had grown dependant on him to come to me whenever I had this dream. But this time was worse, for so long I had longed to see further into the dream but now that I had it I didn't want it. The pain within me felt so deep and so real that I needed him. I needed Naruto and he wasn't here. He wasn't here. He'd left me alone. But then I remembered.

My screams stopped abruptly and I froze, my fingers paused in their clawing at the wall, my breath caught and I held it. No. No, I had been far too loud, surely he would have heard me. Surely he would know where I was.

But nothing happened. There were no footsteps making their way towards me. There was no movement or noise from outside the room. He wasn't in the apartment. He wasn't in the building. Why not? Where was he? It was a Sunday…? Right? Yesterday was Saturday. Yes. Yesterday was Saturday this was Sunday. There were no classes on a Sunday. He should be working but there was no noise. Not a sound from below and not a sound from behind. There was no one here. I was alone.

…That was good. That was a good thing. I didn't want him to find me. I didn't want to see him. That bastard. I wanted to be alone. I wanted this. I didn't want the shame of being found like this, in the mess I was in. I wouldn't deny that. I didn't even have to look in a mirror to know I looked like I'd been dragged through hell backwards. The mess on the floor and the stickiness of my lips and neck told me I had vomited on myself, to make matters worse.

At least now I could get a bath. I didn't have to fear that he would find me. I needed clothes though. And I needed to turn on the water. So I crawled. My legs were too weak to carry me and I'd left my dignity behind for once. I would let myself have this. I would relax for once more. Just once. Just for myself. Just around myself. Nobody was here. Nobody could hurt me.

I crawled to the bedroom to retrieve my clothes but they weren't there. For a moment I panicked, feeling very bare and very, very vulnerable. But then I remembered. The washing machine. But would they be ready? Usually I would wrap myself in a dressing gown for the time being but I felt far too naked right now to cope with that.

What had he done? What was he planning? He had probably locked me in…I might not even be able to get out. But then I realised. Don't be a fool. I'm a Ninja. I could get out of here. But I didn't want to. I may not have been intoxicated but even I could tell that I was far from the state of mind I needed to be. Get a bath. Wash and you'll feel better, I told myself. Once I was clean, once all the dirt was gone I would feel better.

So I returned to the bathroom, crawling until I saw something next to the door Something I'd missed when I had left the room. There was a plate, with toast and butter and a glass of milk sitting there. Innocently enough, but I didn't touch it. I couldn't eat anything or I might throw up again. And I would never touch anything he'd left for me. Nothing. Ever again.

But next to the food was a pile of material. My clothes. How long had I been asleep - because I refused to say I had passed out. Long enough for him to wash and dry my clothing. I didn't feel grateful, only relieved that he might not have left me in such a disgrace that I would need to barricade myself in the toilet until I got a hold of myself enough to leave and kill him.

I took the clothes, flicked the switch for the water and entered the bathroom. Then it hit me. He had been here. He had been here when I fainted, when I threw up. When I had made such a noise that he couldn't not have heard it. He had known where I was. He had left my clothes there because he knew I was in here. He had known. The thought twisted the knots in my stomach and then my head was in the toilet as the sickness washed over me again.

It was when I was leaning on the toilet, panting for breath, my eyes closed from exhaustion, that I realised he might have seen me. He might have come in and seen me in the state I was. The thought made me upset. So upset that I could hardly move to enter the bathtub and start running the water.

I tried to ignore the tears and they fell from my eyes but I couldn't. Why was this so hard? It had been so easy to fall out of my defence routine. To let my mask drop and open myself. Why was it so difficult to pull them all back up. To me it felt as though my defences were crumbling.

They were old castle walls that fell quickly in battle. But to rebuild it, to use old bricks that crumbled when touched to rebuilt this castle would be impossible. They were sand and earth and couldn't sustain anything. They were weak and dying. The only way to fix the castle would be to use new bricks. New tools. But I didn't know where to turn.

It had been so long since I'd built my castle. It had been a gift, given to me by my brother half my life ago. Where would I find new bricks, new cement, new tools to build my castle. And how long would it take to rebuild it? I had my family back then. My family had helped me build the castle and it had been established so quickly. Over night. But now I was alone. And one boy was not enough to build a caste, not in time. I couldn't do it in time. I was struggling to even find the will to try.

And the war was not even over yet, though my castle had been demolished the enemy; the feeling was still dragging me down. It would not stop until I was destroyed. All of me. It was taking me over. Growing with every triumph and I was helpless, so weak. I had never felt so entirely defenceless and hopeless and useless. I felt like nothing. I felt like an ant in a world of lions. I felt like nothing.

…

**Sorry if Sasuke seems out of character. He's going through a hard time. I think it's understandable that he might be a little…insane. Sasuke's never really been the most mentally stable character in the anime hehe **

**Sorry that it's not longer and that half of the dream you've already read, but I didn't want this chapter to drag on. I feel bad enough torturing Sasuke as it is…**

**Hope you enjoyed though!**

**Xx..xX**


	11. Truth

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.

…

**Truth**

"Hey! Sasuke!" I walked faster, through the back and to a table. I took their order and tried to ignore the eyes on my back. Riki was bothering me. He had been trying to speak to me since that night. I'd managed to evade him for two weeks, but it seemed now he was going to push his luck. I mean, any idiot could see that I was not in the mood for these sorts of antics. Perhaps he was brain dead. The alcohol probably rotted it. Or maybe he lost too much blood slitting his wrists. Fucking idiot.

It was as I started at the bar, wiping the counter that he managed to get to me. At first he just stared at me, I suppose he expected me to say something. Tough luck. I continued to ignore him. He could stand there as long as he felt necessary and I would say nothing. I had spoken to nobody these past two weeks. I had not opened my lips to anyone. He was no different.

Pressure on my wrist, however, took me by surprise. I startled backwards, my arm flinching hard and I hit a collection of glasses on a stand. They shattered into pieces on the floor and I turned my glare to Riki. He was staring at me with astonishment. His eyes trailing from my hand to the broken glass on the floor. Eventually he settled on my face, shock clearly written over his face.

"Sasuke…what the fuck?" I continued a level glare, ignoring completely what had just transpired. After a moment I moved to clear the floor but he reached for me again and this time his expression turned serious when I staggered backwards to avoid his touch. I looked out to the tables. There were not many customers, it was nearing closing time. I took a steady breath, calming my nerves before I began walking towards the storage cupboard.

There was not much space and I felt distinctly nauseous at his proximity when he entered. We were an arms length apart. But the men's toilet would not have been suitable for a conversation - which I intended to take no part in, this was purely to avoid any incidents like this happening again - as the customers could have come through. This cupboard was out of bounds for them.

For a short time there was silence; it seemed he needed a moment to come to terms with my 'strange' behaviour. I was not acting strange at all, just not as he had expected, not as he knew me. This was the real me.

"Okay, so…" He started, obviously trying to lighten the atmosphere with a shaky laugh. He was stepping on glass around me. "What happened?" I said nothing and he cleared his throat at my silence. "You know, that night. You can't avoid me forever. You gotta tell me what happened. Did you…you know?" Again I said nothing. His words meant very little to me. I could not make sense of them.

He sighed. "Come on, you can't keep this a secret. Something happened right?" I still said nothing, choosing to stare off at something else.

"So…does that mean you didn't get anywhere…? Man, and I was so sure he was gonna give in. He seemed like he was gonna…I mean, you certainly were very persuasive…" He was looking straight at me, his eyes searching. What on earth was he talking about? I still said nothing. I would not speak.

He huffed, "this is hardly fair. I mean, come on! You have to give me something. You practically, like, you know! You were…and he was! How could you not have done any…anything…?" He trailed off, caught off guard, probably, by my stare.

"Look, airtight, fine, I get it. You're not going to tell me. Fine. I don't mind. So just stop ignoring me already." But I pushed past him quickly, heading straight upstairs and into my kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water and attempted to collect myself. He was trying to corrupt my mind, make me doubt, make me worry. Naruto probably put him up to it. Yes. They were in it together. They had probably planned this for months, a ploy to get to me. It was all a ploy.

The glass broke in my grip and I hissed as it cut me, splinters lodged into my hand. I dropped the rest of the glass into the sink, slowly picking the splinters out carefully before I headed to the drawer to take out a cloth for the blood. My hand paused though , as I wrapped the towel. My eyes fixed on the third drawer down. I never had gotten round to reading the latest letter. I'd completely forgotten about it but…maybe it would have some answers for me. Not that I really cared; it would just be nice to know…why.

It took me no time at all to unravel the letter and I began, my feet leading me into the living area as I read.

_Naruto,_

_I don't know how to begin here. Shizune thinks I should tell you straight, but it isn't so easy. I hope you did not raise your hopes for Sai, it…really was a hopeless case. I'm sorry. I know you cared for him. _

_He…certainly had a few problems but he was a decent man, and a great Ninja. He will be missed. Ino is distraught. She has blamed Sakura. There is no proof that this was even set up, let alone for a suspect to have arisen, but there is no changing Ino's mind. The girls have fought and are both in the hospital. _

_Do not worry yourself over this though, and try to put it behind you, Naruto. I know it will be hard but it's what Sai would want. Aijin is missing. His wife came to me and told me of his disappearance this morning. Her behaviour was enough to show that this did not surprise her. She had known how he was prior to all this. _

_I am very sorry Naruto, I know this will be a loss for you and these things are never easy, but do try to put this behind you. Keep safe. _

_With deepest regards and love,_

_Tsunade._

A drip of blood landed on the bottom of the page and I cursed to myself, setting the letter on the table while I retreated to the bathroom, intent on treating my hand.

I had barely begun caring for my broken palm when there came noises from the living area. I unintentionally flinched, though I soon realised it couldn't be him. He was at the e-e, as I have taken to calling it; the school, for another few hours. He had physical studies now. It couldn't be him, so who was it? A voice answered my questions soon enough.

"Naruto?! Sasuke?! Anybody home?" It was Mai. I contemplated staying where I was, letting her think she was alone so she would leave. But then I thought better of it. I might as well let her know I was here. So I stepped slightly out of the bathroom, letting my steps sound heavy so she turned to see me. She smiled at me, though it was obvious I was not the one she had been meaning to see.

"Sasuke. Oh. Did you hurt your hand? I'll just - wait here till you're finished." She even sounded uncomfortable. Pity. Though I had avoided her too, for the last few weeks. I wanted to keep as much away from people as I could. Maybe I shouldn't have shown her I was there. But nevertheless I retreated back to the sink where I continued fixing my hand.

I was almost finished when I heard something from the living room - a sort of thud - and went through to see what had happened. What I saw was not something I could ever have expected. Mai stood stock still against the wall, her body tense and her eyes wide on me. She seemed to hold her breath as she watched me, her palms pressed against the wall. For a moment I'd been confused; what could possibly have raised such a reaction from her. She seemed terrified of me.

It took me only a small time to see my mistake. Naruto's latest letter didn't lie on the table any more. It was now on the floor, face down and yet it glared at me harder than anything has before. '…a decent man, and a great Ninja.' The recollection stung me like salt on a wound. She knew. She had read the letter. She had seen. Slowly my eyes drifted back up to hers.

Mai had not moved, not an inch. But tears were an added extra now - shining, shimmering trails down her face. I was at a complete loss. I knew, of course, what I should do; what should not be a problem from me. She knew now. She was a danger to my safety. I should dispose of her. I took a slow step forwards, my hand twitching and my face - I hoped - blank. She screamed shrilly and sank to the floor, covering her face and shaking through her crazed sobs.

How different a person she was now. How one little detail could change someone so completely. How reading just a few words could bring this girl to her knees - a wreck - a pitiful civilian which, I realised now, I had stopped thinking of her. Over time she'd become a person to me, not just a meaningless nobody. Not just one of the crowd. It pained me slightly to see her like this.

The sound of a door closing downstairs had us both turning our heads, our reasons not so entirely different this time. My heart thumped inside me and I automatically took a step back again, clutching my wounded hand to my chest, waiting for the moment he would appear to me. It was getting better. My reactions to him now weren't what they had been two weeks ago. But there were other things on my mind now.

"Hey Mai!" His voice hollered from below us as feet started on the stairs, "Lusca said you were looking for me - You here?!" He laughed slightly, though it sounded forced to my ears. "I've gotta tell you something - See that guy in my physical studies class? God! He is-" I wasn't looking at him but I could tell he was here now. In the room. All motion had stopped; voice terminated; steps faltered.

It stayed that way for what felt like an eternity; him standing on the stairs looking at her. Eventually his eyes turned to me, sort of questioning, sort of angry. I felt myself shy away from him, closer to the windows. At this his expressions changed and for a second he was nothing but angry. I looked back to Mai. Her back was pressed firmly on the wall, straight and firm but she didn't look at me any more - now she looked at him.

"Mai…?" He started, "What-" but then he saw, the paper, so innocently sat there on the ground, a small spot of blood on a corner. He didn't even need to ask. He knew right away what had happened. He obviously didn't know what to do either, because he came fully up the stairs, intent on starting something, only to stop short and do nothing. The atmosphere threatened to crush me and I wondered if anyone else could feel it, or was it only me?

Every now and again the silence would be broken by a strangled sob or a stifled whine. I quickly grew fed up of her. She was not who I thought she was. I wanted to do it. Get it over with. Kill her and be done with it. But I didn't move - didn't dare - while Naruto stood so close, but so far from me.

"Look…" He said after an age, "It isn't…well it is but…this isn't…we're not…" he struggled then - obviously he had figured out that this was indeed what she thought it was and we were indeed what she thought we were and there was no talking a way out of this. But then he did something I never thought him capable of. He moved aside, stepped right out from in from of the stairs and held out the keys for her; the keys to the door; the keys to let her out.

I almost spoke out. What he was doing was ludicrous. She could never keep the secret and there was no way I would jeopardise my life for hers. The Akatsuki may not have been as strong as they once were but we certainly were no match for them in the state we had gotten ourselves. My plan had not included what would happen to our skills after going unused for so long, my plan had merely been to protect ourselves for as long as this threat was imminent. It may have been a few years but my uncle would not have forgiven me. There was no way I would let her walk out of here with my life in her scrawny little hands.

"No." I said, before she could run, and Mai gasped where she sat and looked straight to me, but that wasn't what I cared about. Naruto looked at me sharply, his eyes raw with some passion I would never understand.

"What?" He spoke as if he hadn't heard me, as though I had spoken so silently that nobody on earth had heard me. But as I looked to Mai's shaking form, the question in her eyes showed that perhaps that wasn't so far from the truth. If she'd heard me there would have been more screaming.

"You can't let her go." This time I knew he heard, his head snapped back like I'd caused him physical pain.

"What?" And this time his question ran so much deeper.

"She'll get us killed. Is that what you want?" I tried to pull myself together but memories flashed vividly before my eyes and looking him straight in the face grew so much more difficult. Where was my courage, where was my soul? He had not taken everything from me. I would show him I was still stronger than he.

"If you let her walk out of here she will tell everyone. It won't take long before word reaches the mainland and then - Akatsuki. You can't let her go." Was my voice really so weak. I wanted to push conviction. Determination. But I shook more than she did now.

"Okay…"He said slowly, pondering my words. He must have known I was right. "Lets…go take a seat through here…" With slow, deliberate steps he walked to the kitchen door, kneeled down and reached out to Mai. 'come on' was all it took for her to follow him. I wondered if I couldn't be that brave. When I finally went through he had managed to sit her down at the small dining table and, though she still shook she appeared visibly more comfortable. I wasn't as brave as her, sadly, and I stayed away at the window and the sink, leaned against the counter and watched his moves.

"Well. I suppose I'll explain then - since Sasuke's lost his tongue again." One sharp, angry look was all it took for my little confidence to run out and I turned away from him, looked through the window and listened to him.

He tried to explain our situation, explain that we were 'good' ninja and never hurt anyone. But even he had realised when we first adapted here that such words were all lies. It was clear that Naruto was uncomfortable with lying to her. It was also clear that she didn't believe any of it. Eventually he stopped to ask her what she thought. But she had grown stronger now, she had a resolution, she had realised her fate and was not so afraid any more. I could tell that by her voice alone but what she said - what she said to him was something I'll never forget.

"Monsters." Was what she had whispered at first, but she grew louder. "Monsters. That's what I think of you. You're a monster. And he's a monster. Like the devil - your like the devil!" and then she began crying again. It struck me though, the hurt, _the feeling_, it was not my own pain, not my own hurt, but still it struck me. It beat my heart and pumped my lungs.

My chest froze and burdened - it grew so heavy and I struggled to breath, almost gasping silently in myself. My heart frenzied and tottered to an uneven rhythm, beating out of synch for moments on end. My throat strangled and pressured, I tried to swallow but I couldn't. My life felt as though it were shattered into a million pieces only to be stitched back together again - sown in all the wrong places.

This time _the feeling _helped me. The one thing I despised more than almost anything else in my life and it pulled at me, gripped at me hard and fought the pain, the pressure, the searing hurt. It flew through me, lighting me up like a candle in the dark - a glowing warmth that spread into my bones. I felt the tears on my cheeks as he replied.

"…Oh. Okay." I almost burst then, my breath came in shaky puffs as I tried to control myself. Monster. Monster she'd called him. That bitch. What did she know. Anger pulsed from my very being and I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to tear her to pieces. What did she know!

"Em…Okay." I could hear it in his voice, the same thing inside of me. That very same pain, that very same hurt, striking him, beating his heart and pumping his lungs. I could hear it. He had really liked her. She had been his friend. He had loved her. She had betrayed him.

I barely realised there was someone behind me until I felt him touch my arm. I'd never moved so fast here. I'd never moved with such urgency. The knife in the sink, wet with water and soap suds was in my hand faster than lightening and it was against his neck, pressing, cutting before he even realised.

He stared at me. I stared at his neck - the blade piercing his neck slightly, drawing blood. "Don't touch me!" I whispered frantically, but even to my own ears it sounded hysterical. The tears were still in my eyes, still staining my cheeks. I felt so small. I hadn't even realised when he'd grown taller then me. I'd been aware of it - of course - but never so aware as I was now. I felt like he towered over me. I felt like he was standing on me, pushing me down, crushing my very soul. I couldn't meet his eyes. I wanted to look but I couldn't, I was too panicked. The knife shook and I watched the blood ooze down his collar bone and into his clothing.

"Right." His voice was angry, violently so and I was all the more glad I couldn't look into his eyes. I had never heard him speak like that. Speak to me like I was the dirt on the bottom of his shoe. "But can I get the keys." I almost started to cry then, when I risked a look back at the counter, for the keys lay there, so innocently, so neatly thrown. I hadn't seen him put them down. I hadn't been in the room when he had. I'd been too much inside my own head to see the reality. His hand was poised in their direction, his fingers stretched to touch them.

Degraded to a level I'd never felt before, I removed the knife and watched him leave with Mai, her hand in his. She looked as though she was preparing herself for a swift death but I knew he wouldn't kill her. He'd let her go. He'd kill us. I couldn't move to stop him. The look he gave me as he left the kitchen froze my insides to stone, made me feel hollow inside to such a degree that I felt like cowering in the corner for all of eternity. I felt like seeking out Akatsuki myself and having them rid me of this curse called life once and for all. As it was I stood stock still and waited for his return.

I had to wait longer than I'd anticipated. It must have been hours before he returned up the stairs and turned into the kitchen. Surprise shone from his eyes - he hadn't expected me not to have moved - not to have run from him. He came towards me briefly, slowly as though I would crumble had his steps been heavier, but then turned and sat at the table. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to face him across a hard, cold table. But in the end I had no choice; I felt tired and weary and wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep. In my fatigue I went to him. I sat down at the table and waited for him to say something.

The first thing he said was my name, looking at me like a lost puppy again. He put his hand over his face - who was hiding now - and spoke my name several times before sighing and resting his head on the surface.

"You're driving me mad, Sasuke." was the first real thing he said to me. I was driving him mad. I may have laughed had I not been so caught with him. "You're driving me mad." I didn't say anything to him. I didn't know what to say. I could barely believe what was happening. Was he trying to turn this on me? Was he trying to say I was to blame? I had done nothing to him. I had done nothing. It wasn't fair to look at me like that.

"Sasuke. Tell me what's going on with you. I get that you might be a little…um…what's the word…perturbed, about what we did, but I never thought you'd do this to me! What's the matter with you!" He raised his hands and waved them in my direction - like he was frustrated. I flinched away and pushed into my chair. His expression changed and I thought he looked so angry, so violently angry again that I felt myself tremble. Trying to stop the tremors only seemed to increase them and so I could not win. Naruto's wide eyes turned away from me and his hand covered his mouth. He changed the subject.

"Mai won't tell anyone, don't worry. I explained some more - told her the whole story and she said she'd need time to adjust but otherwise would tell nobody. So you don't have to worry, we're safe." If he expected me to answer he didn't show any disappointment when I stayed silent.

"It's going to be Christmas soon. Remember last year? Last year was cool. I've never had anyone to spend Christmas with…I thought you weren't much company last year but I think I regret that thought now. There's nothing like the feeling of loneliness when someone is sitting right in front of you." I couldn't say anything. What did he want me to say; 'sorry I'm making your life so shit, even though you…you…!' No. I would stay silent.

"Talk to me!" He exploded suddenly and stood. I stood too and clambered around the chair to put more distance between us. "Would you just speak! Tell me what the hell I did wrong! How can I make it up to you if I have no idea what's going on in your head!" He followed me around the table and my back touched the wall. He continued towards me. I had to make him stop. I couldn't let him come any closer or I'd lose my mind.

"No!" The outburst did indeed make him stop and I was satisfied for the moment in that, but one look at his face and I realised I'd need more than that to keep him off me. "Just! Don't come near me. You…can't come near me, please." So now I was begging. I'd never felt so humiliated, so brought down. I'd never begged for anything but I knew I stood no chance against him. The nervous wreck he'd turned me into was not something that could fight him off.

He looked a little startled, but put his hands out on front of him as if to tell me he wouldn't hurt me. I felt myself shudder a laugh; he already had. "Why?" He said and I couldn't answer, I couldn't bring myself to say it when he looked at me like that; as if he genuinely had no idea what he'd done to me.

"Why don't you want me near you…? We don't…" He faltered slightly, looked to the grown and his skin grew darker, "we don't have to do anything like that again, you know. It can just be a one-off if that's what you want - if that'll make you happy." Was he talking about that night…really? He was saying he wouldn't take advantage of me…in a way that seemed to put me at blame again. Happy…? Why on earth would anybody be happy at the thought of being raped.

He seemed to sense my confusion and sighed. "Okay. I don't know what to say to you." The sentence radiated finality, but he wasn't done yet. He was growing frustrated again, I could see it in his frown. "God! I wish that night had never even happened! If I'd known then that this was what it would bring I would have fought harder to resist you!" I wished that too. I wished it had never happened. But what could I do now - what could he do? There was no changing the past. What was done was done.

Something in my face confused him and he reached out to me, eyes widening and hand retracting at my flinch. He spoke my name. But I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I wanted to sleep. I was so tired. "Why?" I asked him now. The answer might have seemed obvious but not to me. I always thought I knew him so well. I'd always thought that. But I didn't know him like I thought I did. He was a different person.

"Why what?" He said and looked earnestly puzzled for a few moments before his eyes widened and his frown depended. A deep feeling of foreboding settled inside me and suddenly I didn't want him to look at me any more. I wanted to run to the bathroom and lock myself away. I felt as though something was wrong - very wrong. I felt as though perhaps I was to blame. For the very first time since that night I had doubts. What if…

"Sasuke." He took a step back from me and the expression on his face. The expression on his face was one I had never seen before; such shock, such utter disbelief. His mouth opened but no words came from him. And suddenly I knew. In that tiny instant I knew I had made a very big mistake. Riki's words made sudden sense to me, everything made sudden sense to me and I wanted to dig and hole - dig a hole and hide in it forever. I'd made such a mistake.

"Sasuke…? What - what do you remember - Sasuke…?" I couldn't look at him for an entirely different reason. Ashamed beyond belief - of course I'd thought I knew him. I did know him. It was myself whom I had no control over, no sense of wants or needs. I'd never thought until that night. I could remember things now - things I'd tried to forget, or perhaps that was just an easier way to deal with it. Pretend it wasn't there. Force the blame onto anyone else. My fear had felt so real. My panic so forceful. But it was not real. It was a figment of my imagination.

He had not forced me to do anything that night. More like - I had forced him, almost. I had been on him since the moment I entered the house. I could remember now; the bits and pieces that had escaped me before. I remember Riki's idea to sneak home, quietly, undetected. I had burst through the front door screaming Naruto's name. Riki had slapped his hand to his forehead and laughed at me. Naruto had come running - running to help me. God I felt like such an asshole.

I had leaped on him, attached myself to him in the most embarrassing ways possible. Riki had been there! He'd been standing right there while I had…! I was thankful Naruto had tried to control me, force me to leave his body alone. But it was when he saw my wrist, where I'd dragged a razor along foolishly that night, that things turned difficult. Riki had left and Naruto had tried to get me to bed. He had been angry at me but I had not stopped clinging to him, pulling at him. I had fallen a few times from his attempts to get me off him. They had been futile however, as he always rushed to help me back up and then I was on him again; lips….hands….

Eventually I think he just gave up and gave in to my begging. I had wanted him to help me - but not in the way I'd first imagined. I had wanted him to take me. I had wanted him to help me find release. To think of it now pained me. What a mistake I'd made. I could barely contemplate my reasons for initiating such things, only that I had initiated them. It had been me all along. This was not Naruto's fault. Looking at his face now I wished so dreadfully that I'd remembered sooner, because now I feared he knew. Knew what I'd thought of him. Would he ever forgive me?

"Naruto…" His face changed and suddenly he didn't look quite as wounded, he seemed almost pleased as he looked at me. I wanted to make things right. "Naruto. I…I apologise for my behaviour these past few weeks. I was not myself and…and I…" I was at a lose for what to say, how many times was this going to happen to me, but before I could say anything more Naruto had his arms pressed around me. He held me tight and apologised, again and again but no matter how many times I tried to get him to stop he wouldn't.

I felt insanely guilty, knowing the man Naruto was he would not let this go so easily - he would blame himself now, entirely. How the situation had reversed. I felt stiff and awkward in his arms but he didn't seem to notice and we stood there, like that, for a long time. Him whispering apologise and squeezing me tightly, me trying to persuade him of his own innocence in the matter while I was crushed against his chest.

But I felt lighter. I felt so much lighter, and while his face was pressed into my neck and I looked out onto the trees through the window, I felt my lips twitch into a smile, a relaxed, free, satisfied smile.

…

**I'm not sure if I dragged on a bit here. I didn't want to but at the same time I wanted to portray Sasuke's mind clearly. He's a little insane hehe well, not really, he has been through a lot so I guess we should forgive him!**

**Hope you enjoyed though!**

**Xx..xX**


	12. Sorry

Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.

…

**Sorry**

It was snowing outside, a rarity here even though it was not enough to layer the ground. It flowed in the air; everything outside was like white mist across the window, shadows of light scattered across the village. It wasn't cold though, not from where I was standing. Naruto was cooking in the kitchen and the whole apartment was warm from it. The bird was in the oven; roasting. It was nearly time to do the potatoes, or so I'd been told.

Naruto was trying to teach me how to cook a Christmas dinner. He'd had a lesson on it in domestic studies; a special lesson for the festive season. And when I say trying it's because he's not much of a teacher - he tumbles on his words and expects you to understand through demonstration. I appreciated this though so I hadn't complained yet. It was nice of him, I suppose, especially with the humour he'd permanently taken up. I didn't like to think to much of it - I knew it was my fault. Letting him do this was another of my apologies, because I could never actually say I was sorry.

And I was sorry. I don't really understand it even now. I still can't remember all that happened that night, but what I do remember is far more clear, far more honest than I'd imagined at first. I scowl at my reflection in the glass. How could I have been so stupid; jumping to conclusions without even thinking things through. I worried things between me and Naruto wouldn't ever get better now. Sure, I hadn't actually said what I'd assumed of him, but it was clear he understood what I'd thought. To think that of someone like Naruto was not something to be taken lightly. To say I was ashamed might even be an understatement.

"Sasuke…?" I heard from the kitchen and turned to look at him. "The potatoes are ready to go in…" He didn't stay long at the door before disappearing back into the kitchen. I was left by the window, left to follow him if I wanted to. I hated the option; Naruto didn't give options; he was loud and up front and demanding. Naruto never used to give me options. He used to tell me what he wanted. He used to be open with me. I frowned at his back - why was he being so irritatingly guilty. I'd explained…well, not really, but he should know it was a mistake. He should know that he'd never hurt me. This whole situation was grating on my nerves.

I followed him into the Kitchen regardless and heat - sweltering heat - swept over me. The window was open but it wasn't doing all that much good at quelling the vicious warmth from the open oven. Why was the oven open anyway?…oh yes, Naruto was checking the bird; a chicken he'd said it was. I stood by him and noticed the way he moved slightly away so I wouldn't have to stand so close to him. I hated that too.

He stood up after looking at the plucked carcass on the tray. He closed the door and grabbed another tray, one I hadn't cared to notice until now, from the counter next to me. This one had mounds of yellow; potatoes I assumed. I'd never cared for cooking before, I ate whatever there was. Tomatoes were the only things I paid attention to, an exception because they were great.

He moved the new tray closer to me and tipped it to the side. There was a thick layer of runny slime - I took that to be the oil he had previously explained to me - which he began to scoop up with a spoon and pour onto the potatoes. He did this twice, then handed the spoon to me.

"You've to put oil on them all so they get crispy later." He said before looking away from me, his body at the other side of the tray as he tilted it further, the thick liquid gathering at the corner. I didn't want to be awkward or make him more uncomfortable so I started with the task. It took little time and I covered them twice to make sure I'd done it properly, I had to do everything perfectly.

He took the tray back and placed it in the oven, a burst of heat hitting me as he opened the door again. It really was hot in here. For a while we stood awkwardly by the oven. I hoped he would stay, but I knew better by now. He disappeared through the kitchen door and I took a seat at the table, ignoring the warmth for the moment.

The look on his face these days. It was indescribable. I didn't understand what I felt to see him that way. I knew regret though. I definitely felt that. I couldn't even stay angry at his behaviour. I'd tried. I'd failed. How could I feel anger toward him? He was too nice. Too kind. It would only get him hurt - or, I suppose - it had only gotten him hurt. I wanted to apologise. I wanted to explain - ! It struck me; hard fast and defined. I'd grown soft.

I'd grown soft. Not soft like Naruto, I doubted I could ever be as soft as that. But I'd turned soft nonetheless. I had tried to be cold, hard and uncaring after the incident - misunderstanding - with Naruto. I'd tried and failed. I might have succeeded in acting cold and harsh - with anyone else but Naruto - however my feelings were not so easy to comply. It had been uncomfortable; to stay so silent; to act so apathetic.

The thought brought darkness to my mind and I placed my hands flat on the table, the cool surface soothing me slightly. I needed to think. I needed to sort myself out. I was an avenger. My family came first and my purpose was not yet complete; there were still people who I needed to destroy. I could not stumble here. This was a mission. A survival mission. That was all. There were no other details. There was no one else. Only me. I only mattered. My family.

My family. Why was this so difficult? What had happened to me? Where was my resolve? I remember a time so clearly when the mere thought of my revenge brought molten fire to my veins, burned hate into me and cast a spell of grief into my soul. Where was that? Where had it gone? I was still the same person. I was still the same person…wasn't I? A harshness washed over me and I pulled myself away from the table, through the living area, past Naruto who I scarcely noticed in my haste, and into the bathroom, closing the door tightly behind me and switching on the glare of artificial light. I looked at myself in the mirror. I stood there for what felt like forever and took a good, long look at myself.

The boy stood before me was of average height, short for the age of eighteen, dark eyes , dark hair. His bangs fell into his eyes and his hair stood up at the back. His eyes were dark like charcoal and his skin pale as the snow outside . He looked average, normal and original. This boy looked alive, well and pleased. A testimony to the lack of nightmares plaguing his sleep, to the balanced diet he was now on, to the life he now led, however unknown to me it truly was.

Who was this boy? This boy who I'd never laid eyes on. This boy I'd never taken notice of. This boy I'd neglected for far too long. Who was he? This boy I knew so little of; his wants and needs so disposable in the world I had lived in. Was he kind? Was he cruel? Was he strong? Was he weak? Was he anything I was? The boy in the mirror paused now, looked down at the floor. A numbing sensation spread through my body, the hairs on my arms stood on end. The tiles beneath my feet sparkled in an unconcealed beauty, each detail laid bare for only me to see. When the boy looked back he was not what he had been before.

This one was a boy I recognised, a boy I knew inside out. His skin portrayed a white mask; a tinted silver visage with not a single blemish to disfigure. His hair was black as coal, slick and shimmering and flawless. A darkness tainted his eyes, dark shadows cast around them; framing his murderous heritage. His eyes shone red, a frightening, blood red with an indescribable pattern engraved from his soul - a star. This boy - this boy - was perfection; a prodigy; a genius; an avenger; a danger. I blinked once, slow, and he was gone.

The boy stood again as he had before - the danger - the threat - retreated and hidden in his depths. This boy, this simple, plain boy…was Uchiha Sasuke. A boy meant for one purpose, a purpose I could barely force into his features now. He was too ordinary. Too small. Too little muscle and too much, far too much light. I should have felt disgusted, I should have felt ashamed. I didn't.

An image bore into my mind; an image of the future; an image of my future. It was an image that brought warmth to me, an image that brought heat to my eyes, an image that had _the feeling _simmering at the tip of my being. It was an image of happiness, an image of hope and life and love. It was an image I'd never thought of before, I'd never considered as something for myself. It was an image I wanted. I think it was then, that Christmas day, in front of that mirror, that I made my choice.

"Sasuke!" I heard Naruto call, "the dinner's ready, I'll show you how to dish up." My lips twitched at his voice; it carried more life in it; everything held more life now. I let my fingers brush the cold texture in front of me, the digits painting a promise to a boy I hardly knew.

I said nothing as I returned to the kitchen, but my resolve was fixed and I watched Naruto constantly as he waved a knife over the toasted corpse and spoke directions I didn't care to listen to. I knew my staring unnerved him, but I also knew - with all his caution nowadays - he would avoid any form of indication to that knowledge. I smirked, knowing far too well how that would annoy him. I wanted this, I wanted him to take the bate. I wanted his irritation; his pent up frustrations. I wanted him back. I wanted the Naruto I knew back. And I would get what I wanted.

Eventually I grew fed up with the façade and took matters into my own hands, grabbing the wondering knife from him and secretly relishing in his well-hidden surprise. I positioned the knife directly above the bird, steady and ready, waiting to play my cards, I moved my body, bumping my hip to his and nudging him out of my way. I went to cut, straight down the middle, when he stopped me, his hand almost touching mine as he struggled to explain to me how to continue.

"No, no, you gotta, you gotta do it sort of along the side-ish. I dunno, you just have to, like, go smooth along it, like, with the breast. Not! Not like that. Just!" I smirked more, moving to the side slightly I was extremely glad to note the idiot had taken no notice of my new position. We were nearly touching. I'd better not take my chances just yet, however, because I knew the farther I pushed things the more likely he'd be to run. He was too worried about me to pay any attention to signs. Too oblivious. Dobe.

"How?" I pushed him, trying to sound impatient. I really couldn't care less how to cut this thing; it was all destined for the same place, why did it matter how it was put there? But I'd continue this for as long as it took. I knew what he was saying; I had to follow the curve of the body, to create a smooth slice. Simple. I wanted him to show me.

"You just! Just put it here…!" He almost touched my hand again, as he gestured to the dead animal and the knife and my hand. I tried to smother a bigger smirk when I felt it rise; it wouldn't do to enrage him - I wanted him frustrated not angry. An angry Naruto was not what I wanted. I decided to be more direct, turning to him with stern features and hissed words.

"Just what Naruto? Show me, I'm not a mind reader." I looked him straight in the eye; looking straight into those large blue pools - he really had the bluest eyes I'd ever encountered - and moved my hand and the knife to his, emphasising my request. Just to be sure, though, since I knew how dense he could be, I murmured 'guide me'. If I wasn't feeling so serious I may have snorted at my own words; guide me, seriously? Had I serious said that? Yes. Yes I had. Because I would get what I wanted.

And sure enough, no matter how I hated my methods, they worked. Naruto slipped his hand around mine, slowly bringing it back towards the bird, and he shook - not only from the situation but also from his awkward position. He was trying desperately hard not to touch me, angling his boy away while he attempted to carry out my request. This was certainly getting me nowhere.

The knife had barely punctured the skin when it froze, my hand almost crushed by the pressure when Naruto froze as my back connected with his chest. I felt his shuddering breaths and couldn't contain my smirk. Oh, what did I do to him? Was I cruel or what? I tried to push down in the blade when something stopped me. A hand, cautious but brave, snuck its way around my waist and pushed against my chest, forcing us tighter together and Naruto gasped behind me, despite the fact it had been him to initiate the action.

I felt his breath on the side of my neck and cheek but didn't dare turn my face; I couldn't loose the control I had. I was in control. It would stay that way. His voice startled me when he spoke, the blade cutting smoothly through the meat, "you do it just like this." I smirked. Mission accomplished. Well…almost.

The food was good; nice enough although I wasn't one to care much for what I ate. The thick tension and distance between myself and the idiot did put a bitter taste in my mouth, making it slightly harder to enjoy the Christmas meal. I'd thought earlier that I had fixed things; that he understood I wasn't afraid of the mere sight of him. It seemed I'd overrated my plan. It had only worked while we were touching - which, admittedly, wasn't for very long considering my little tolerance for physical contact; that certainly had not changed any.

As soon as the connection had been lost Naruto had taken the guilt back upon himself with abundance and had shuffled away from the kitchen, his spirits clearly low. But what then, was I supposed to do? How was I to know it wouldn't work? It seemed to, at the time. Stubborn dobe. My second tactic, I decided, would simply be to talk. If I could talk to him, comfortably - though conversation was also not something I was too fond of - perhaps he would see how completely fine I was.

I did consider just coming out and admitting it. To tell him I had made a mistake and this whole mess was a complete misunderstanding. To tell him that he was at least mostly innocent in this matter. But I had decided against it; I would stick with my first choice and any other choices that had to follow - I wasn't going to admit I was wrong. But…where did I start? I couldn't remember a time I'd willingly triggered a conversation. Not for anything other than necessity.

I played around with the remainder of the food on my plate, thinking of what to say. What if I tried to talk about school? Asked about a class or something? No, that would seem stupid. What about the bar…? It was closed now for the holiday period - for three weeks everything closed. Everything, even the shops, which had been difficult the first year since we'd failed to take notice of it and therefore had not stocked up on food or anything. We'd had to borrow from people more sensible than us.

I didn't think all my pondering of the season and our first year here would help me find a topic of conversation yet strangely that's when it struck me, a very simple but relevant option; "the food's quite good. You'll have to teach me how to cook other stuff too." Naruto looked at me then, partially startled, as if he had never heard me speak before, and partially scared. I mentally snorted; wasn't it me who was meant to be scared?

"Err…um, yeah…" he giggled a little, obviously uncomfortable, "I guess I will, huh..?" I smirked but looked down so he couldn't see. I would get my way.

"It must be better than ramen, anyway. Not that it takes much to beat that." I heard him gasp slightly and knew he wanted to retaliate, tell me off for being so offensive to his favourite food, yet nothing of the sort came. Only a soft, shy 'I don't think so' was uttered. It annoyed me.

I sighed a little and moved on to a different tactic, "I remember you telling me you had an awful Christmas last year. Is this one any better?" I saw his body tense immediately and almost felt bad for diving straight into the deep end, but I also felt this needed to be done. He couldn't go on acting the way he was.

"W-well…I didn't mean that last Christmas was bad - not at all, it was just-"

"But that's what you said wasn't it? I was bad company?" Okay, so I may have been twisting his words a bit, but I needed a reaction. Any reaction would do but preferably one where he didn't treat me like a wounded kitten.

"I-I never said that!" But then he faltered and calmed slightly, trying to keep his voice lower. "Last Christmas was good, I've always spent Christmas alone, and even though it's not much of a big deal back in Konoha it was nice to make it a big deal with you. Last Christmas was good, I didn't mean it when I said that, I was just," I almost didn't hear him when he whispered 'being an idiot' to the table. Well, I thought to myself that I had almost triggered a satisfying reaction from him, if only for the first sentence. I would keep trying.

"How is Mai?" In all honesty I was rather curious. I hadn't seen much of her since we'd been caught but everything had returned to normal. If anything, her and Naruto seemed closer than ever before. I couldn't understand it, I would have thought she would keep her distance. It was funny how I found it easier to continue the conversation now wasn't it?

"Oh, er, Mai's awesome. She's having some trouble 'cause there's this guy she likes but she's too scared to tell him, heh. We've been discussing that a whole lot, trying to give each other advice. Don't worry about her saying anything now, though, about us, she's cool with it. Me and Mai get along great; we've got a lot in common so she understands now." …Right…

I was finished with dinner - had been for a while now - and noticed Naruto had finished as well. I cleared away the plates and left for the living room, indicating for Naruto to follow me. And, as I hoped, Naruto did indeed follow me. At least something was still the same.

I sat on the good sofa and Naruto sat on the bad. It wasn't a comfortable silence that enshrouded us then, either, and I was eager to make my way out of it again. I opened my mouth to try to say something - I was going to bring up school, because I really was out of ideas - but I didn't have to, Naruto actually started the conversation this time. And it wasn't a conversation I'd been wanting to have.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I know I've said it a million times but I - I really, really am. And -" He paused slightly when I opened my mouth to object but in the end I didn't say anything at all. I had no reply to him. "And I want you to know that you don't need to try so hard to be nice to me…I don't deserve it." He muttered almost under his breath and I couldn't stop the snort. His head snapped up and I frowned at him; I was through skirting around this problem.

"Look, Naruto, you're being ridiculous. I'm absolutely fine. You need to stop treating me like an invalid child. I'm not glass, I'm not going to shatter from your proximity. Stop being such an idiot." He frowned back at me; but his frown seemed more upset than mine, more sad. Oh, for god's sake - couldn't this boy just accept what I was saying.

"You can't say that Sasuke. I - What I did - What I did was unforgivable." In all honesty I'd never seen Naruto look the way he did then; his head bowed and his hands clasped together on his lap. Shaking from some unknown pressure. His voice sounded angry too - so angry and devastation literally rolled from him.

I sighed. "There's really no helping it is there?" I waited for a response though my question was rhetorical. "No, I suppose not - being the dobe you are, I shouldn't expect anything different." I sighed again and shuffled around on the couch - trying to get more comfortable. "Look. You really have nothing to be sorry for. I mean, so we…you know…It doesn't have to matter. If you'd stop making it such a big deal then maybe we could just go back to normal. Simple."

I expected him to say something, but there was no sound other than his breathing and I was struggling to keep myself together - I was so fed up with his behaviour. This was not my Naruto.

"Oh, come on, Naruto. Don't just sit there in silence - Say something for yourself. I'm telling you; your behaviour is uncalled for." At this I did get a reaction, though it came so late I couldn't feel satisfied Because I didn't want it to be forced. I wanted a natural reaction - was that too much to ask?

"My behaviour is not uncalled for! Sasuke, just stop, you don't have to be nice, please just don't try. I couldn't be more sorry and I have no idea what to do to make it up to you."

"Just stop acting weird. Just pretend it never happened. I'm willing to do that - if you're really sorry you'll forget about it. Can't you do that?" This was my chance to get away from admitting my mistake and I'd be damned if I didn't take it. And after that speech Naruto would have no choice but to accept. He did look torn though, but even then I struggled to feel sorry for him. Annoyance was still too abundant within me.

"I-Well…Okay." His voice made me question his sincerity but after seeing the look on my face he growled and said again "Okay, alright, we'll go back to normal." It sounded strange and still a little too forced but I was willing to go with it. Hopefully over time he'd really forget. For now I decided to change to subject again.

"I need to apologies for something too." No matter how much I'd rather not. "I shouldn't have read your letters. It's none of my business and I shouldn't have taken the liberty of going through your things." Naruto smiled then and I almost smiled back at the genuine happiness inside it.

"You know? That's the first time I think I've ever heard you say sorry. Not that you really did but it was close enough." I snorted and the atmosphere lightened significantly.

Too bad I really did have to apologise for this; "I didn't know him. It wasn't my place." Naruto only nodded sadly.

"Yeah…your right. But I don't mind - it's okay." He smiled again then, "apology accepted" he said. This was what I'd been hoping for. Mission well and truly accomplished…for now.

…

**I think it might have been cheesy, sorry if it is. I'm also sorry for the age I'm now taking to update. I just don't like to force things - I get even more stuck then. **

**Xx..xX**


	13. Normality

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Normality**

"Oh, come on! You, like, know you want to. We'll rattle you down eventually Sasoo~ Just you wait~" I could almost feel the annoyance whipping through my body. This subject was quickly getting on my nerves. Tessa was getting on my nerves, whispering in my ear about how a party would be 'so coolicious'. No, a party for my birthday would not be 'coolicious' - that's not even a word. I wanted to tell her so but I knew if I opened my mouth she'd take it as encouragement. Best to ignore her.

We were in my Language Studies class. Today we were sectioned off; half the class on a reading module while the other half - mine and Tessa's - were to write lyrics. It was to be a companion module to everyone who had also taken Musical Studies. How I wished now that Tessa was not in both those classes. She couldn't aggravate me from across the room - but then - no - actually she probably could.

"Sasuke~. Please, please, please let us throw you a party~" She sang in my ear and I shut my eyes, trying to block her out. How could one girl, especially one so small, be so irritating?

I tried to concentrate more on my writing. I had a few words dotted around the page, a few metaphors and a few rhymes but nothing was really calling to me. I had used symbolism in a few different ways, toying with ideas and trying to give myself inspiration. But it didn't help that I knew I'd have to sing this. Of course I would. I hadn't been told so but in Musical Studies I had now been officially dubbed as a Vocal. So of course I would be singing this. I wasn't sure about Tessa - she was a Vocal too, but also played the piano so she would either have to sing or write the music to her song I guessed. I took a small glance at her page and noted that - to my further annoyance - her page was full of words, phrases and in the centre was quite clearly a well rounded lyrical. Great.

Of course, I did have an idea. It was this great idea that was stopping me from being able to move forward. If I could get the idea out of my head then it would be no problem for me to write something else. Except every time I looked at the page the only words that jumped out at me were ones I had not written - would not write. It was Sakura's song - the one she sang in my dream. I knew it off by heart; I'd heard the lyrics so often that they were permanently drilled into my head. But I didn't want to write them down. I didn't want to have them in front of me: to see their meaning.

Besides, it wasn't even finished. I couldn't write half a song, no matter how good it was.

Tessa's quirky voice began another round of begging and I cursed Naruto in my head. This was all his fault. He was the one who planted seeds of hope in everyone's mind that I - me! - would want an eighteenth birthday party. Yeah, right, as if I'd ever let that happen. 'But you'll be eighteen' had been his argument - not much of one in my opinion; I was older and more mature and well past the age of throwing parties. His second argument had been that we'd never had a party here. I had kept my mouth shut from telling him I'd never had a party in my life - that would only fuel his moronic logic.

"Sasuke~"

"No."

She looked taken aback for a moment that I had answered her before - as I'd predicted - lapsing back into excuse after excuse, obviously thinking I was closer to giving in. I was not going to give in. Not at all.

I shuffled slightly in my seat, attempting to get into a comfier position for the last few minutes I was to sit here. It was sweltering hot. My face twisted into disgust as I moved; I was almost sticking to the seat. God, I hated this weather - why couldn't we have at least one winter that lasted more than a measly three weeks? The transformation from icy cold into humid warm had taken mere days. I would never have thought it possible if I hadn't seen it for myself.

Our first winter here I'd not seen the extent of Riera's weather conditions. It had simply skipped winter that year, the temperature dropping to what would be considered normal for anyone from Konoha.

Speaking of Konoha, we'd received another letter a few weeks back, though it had only said that new information on Akatsuki was hard to come by but they knew the group was growing larger again. They were recruiting. The thought should have bothered me - it meant longer until they were no more. But it didn't bother me, not at all, in fact I was almost glad.

Yes, I think I was glad.

But what I didn't want was a birthday party. Why couldn't we just do as we had done the year before? Okay, so I'd admit that our hill wasn't as special now - since we'd visited it often since - but I'd rather just go there for a while than have a loud, busy party. It was unnecessary. Naruto should have known me better.

He hadn't insisted on a party for his birthday. Why should I be forced into one? Oh yes, he'd said it was my eighteenth. What difference did it make - I was only one year older than last, what did being eighteen have to do with anything? I knew - technically - that I would be able to do more and buy more legally. But this village didn't have much of a legal system. It was very trusting and everyone took care of themselves and others. I was able to sell alcohol, for goodness sake, and what did that say about lenience. And the Student complex had no rules either since it was run by the student body. I knew they were a little more unruly than the village but even then it was completely safe and comfortable.

It was because of this equality and comfort in the village that their leader -and Headmaster of the Educational Establishment - Mr Okido, was able to leave for long stretches of time without having a worry about this place. When we had first come here it had been a slight shock to me that a village could work with such harmony but nevertheless it did. It did work.

Thankfully I had very little time left to spend in class and immediately I was up and out of the building and home as fast as I could be. Tessa didn't follow, though I had expected her too - over confident girl that she was. No one was going to convince me to throw a party. And that's exactly what I told Naruto as he attempted to change my mind while working.

"Would you just give up? I'm not going to have a party. There will be no party. No party." I said as clearly as I could, pausing in polishing glasses in order to stress the finality of my words. "No. Party."

Naruto's cheeks puffed out as he sighed, but he did recede to serve a selection of customers who had been waiting for a while. I was relieved that he was gone, but it was short lived. From the other side of the counter Riki approached. I nearly groaned. I wished Riki wouldn't talk to me when Naruto was around.

Since Christmas Naruto's attitude towards Riki had become less of a dislike and more of an obvious resentment. Every time I spent time with Riki Naruto would be treat me as though I'd committed murder. He'd sulk around and throw smart remarks until he produced an argument. Why did he have to do that? What was wrong with acting his age? But nevertheless I'd rather avoid an argument with Naruto then speak with Riki so I had stopped contact.

I didn't find it fair on him, but I didn't want Naruto causing trouble. I still spoke to him when I had the chance. Now was not one of those chances. I could already feel Naruto's big blue eyes fixed on me.

"Hey, Sass." I felt my eyebrow twitched in reflex - I hated that nickname. And anyway, what was with everybody giving me nicknames? Was my name not good enough on it's own? It's not even that long.

"We've not been able to talk in ages. When are you next off work? Maybe we could catch up." I have to say, I was tempted. I hadn't been out much lately. It seemed we had an open flat - any plans arranged were always situated at ours. Why we couldn't go to Mika and Lusca's I had no idea; at least they had a house, all we had was a four roomed apartment above a bar-turned-restaurant.

I felt compelled to answer with a yes, but didn't want the hassle that would bring from Naruto. I was a little torn - why did Naruto have to be so difficult in the first place? The thought made me want to accept even more, but in the end I shook my head and turned back to work.

"I'm sort of busy Riki."

He snorted and turned around but I heard him mutter something about a bitch and string. Suddenly my mind changed. I didn't have to do what Naruto wanted. I was my own person. I made my own decisions.

"Actually," I said, "I'm free all day Sunday." The look on Riki's face made me glad I'd changed my mind. I had missed spending time with someone I could relate to. I got along well with Riki, better than I did anyone else I spent time with.

"I'll see you then, then. Meet you at mine?" He said and I nodded and turned again back to polishing the glasses.

I was interrupted by a family of three coming to sit at the bar and I went to take their order. The Father stood and took out his wallet while the mother helped her small boy child onto a stool.

"Hello. What can I get you?" I asked, smiling slightly at the little boy when he gazed at me in awe.

"Emm, well I'll just have some sake, please and…" he trailed off, looking at his wife.

"Oh, and just a coke for me please."

"Okay. I'll have that with you in just a second." I said as I began fetching them their order. I used to hate that. Waiting on other people and interacting so much, but I was growing used to it. Over time it became less of a hassle and I was beginning to get more comfortable with the people who came here frequently. This family were one of the less frequent customers but I had seen them before.

I remembered them because their little boy had such bright hair. It was red and quite long, curling to his shoulders in tight little knots. He always stared at me like I was a god.

I went to hand them their drinks and I saw the father already had the money ready. It wasn't correct, a little extra, but he told me to keep it.

"Oh! Can I get a straw with that coke please?" The wife asked and I knew I'd forgotten something. She always shared her drink with the kid and he got a straw. So I took a bunch of straws out from under the counter and asked him to pick a colour. He stared at me again like he'd never heard someone ask him a question before, but looking down briefly at the straws before snapping his attention back to my face and muttering 'yellow' to me. It was the first time I'd heard him speak and I felt another smile tug at my lips.

There was no yellow so I gave him orange. He didn't look at it anyway, too busy studying me.

I was back to polishing - cutlery this time since I had finished the glasses - when Naruto approached me. He came up behind me and stopped short of my back. I didn't stiffen, but I slowed in my task for a moment as I waited for the inevitable. For some reason it took him longer this time to move his arms around my waist and lean his head against my shoulder. I didn't stop to ponder why. It's not like it bothered me anyway.

"We have new plans, Sasuke." He says and I can sense his irrational irritation at my previous encounter with Riki. I wondered again why he needed to be such a child.

"Me and the guys are planning to go to the beach again and I know you'd just love to come." I couldn't help but arch an eyebrow; Tessa certainly would not be pleased with being referred to as 'one of the guys', and I certainly would not mind missing a day at the beach. Naruto knew this - it had always been made clear that I despised the weather here and beaches flaunted said hot weather.

Nevertheless I would go. I'm not sure why but I knew I would even as I tried to sound averse. "When is it?" I sighed.

I could feel his grin on my neck. "Sunday." I groaned and pushed my elbows back at him, successfully dislocating him from me.

"Get off me." I snapped, though I could tell it lacked any anger.

"Aww, why?" He whined and his hands pressed to my hips, I slapped them away.

"Because this is a family establishment and I'm sure our customers do not want to see you holding your _brother_ in such a way." This time it was a snap. A real snap. Because why the hell did he go and tell everyone we were brothers anyway? The point? None, absolutely none at all - just him being a regular dobe.

He paused a moment and I started polishing again. "So you're coming this Sunday?"

I frowned "Why not another time? Why not Wednesday? I have half classes on Wednesday and we're not working." I tried, reluctant to go back on my word to Riki.

I could feel him grow tense behind me. "No. Sunday. That's the only time for ages that we can all get time off at the same time." I gripped the cutlery in my hands tighter, my eyes narrowed. I would not let him talk to me like that.

"No. I'm busy."

His breath hitched in anger before he whispered furiously in my ear "Fine! You just go choose Him over Me!" And he stormed away upstairs. I saw movement in the corner of my eye and turned to see Riki circling his finger in the air and mouthing the word 'wrapped'. I sneered at him. They were both as bad as each other; petty, immature children. I would go with neither one of them on Sunday. I would not follow Naruto upstairs. I would stay there and finish my job like an adult.

When I did eventually rise to the first floor after closing the bar, I expected Naruto to jump down my throat, to moan and complain about how I cared so little about him. Well, perhaps I was expecting a bit much - he'd never reacted quite like that but I was in a state of pessimism; if I hoped for the worst I would never be disappointed.

But still! To think that the dobe would retaliate by ignoring me. I had a mind to tell him I was glad of the peace. I would have too, if I had wanted to start an argument. As it was arguments were best avoided - especially when living with somebody. It was far easier to avoid an argument with Naruto than to start one.

But then again I supposed it did give me peace. And it wasn't an argument so I shouldn't have complained.

However despite all rational and logical thinking it took me barely half an hour to seek him out. He had been sitting in the kitchen reading something, I cared not for what it was, when I sat down in front of him. I'll admit how irritated I felt when I sat there being promptly ignored, but I won't admit that this whole affair, for me, really had nothing to do with Naruto's attitude towards Riki.

His behaviour was despicable, yes. And I would have been more disgusted by it had another problem not been plaguing my mind…and sleep…and it wasn't my recurring dream either, for these 'dreams' were different each time, different and most certainly uncalled for. But it didn't change the undeniable truth that I wanted to do it again.

Insane, I was aware, but it was a bother to me that I was itching more and more to resolve. The method - argument. So that was most likely the truth behind my illogical decision to engage in a verbal fight with Naruto against my better judgement. Sexual frustration, I suppose it would be called. I was only eighteen after all, it was normal to finally experience hormones.

And normal had become my way of life. After spending two and a half years in such a 'normal' place, it did things to you. It adapted you. And I was on my way to adapting to normality. If you could call it that. And in all honesty I liked it that way. I could now admit things like that - liking things.

I could admit my feelings now; I could allow myself to breathe without closing my senses off; I could listen to people and taken interest without forcing thoughts to the back of my mind; constantly denying any form of curiosity; I could admit that things in life are never simple; that my place in the world was not fixed; I could admit that I had the ability to choose my own path; and most of all, I could build that path myself.

But the one thing that really got me was the acceptance. We weren't forced to be what we'd always been. We didn't need to fit roles we'd been given. I had never asked for my family to be murdered, I had never expected, never wanted, and of course never prepared. And now I didn't have to. I was not expected to be a mourning shameful little creature, a sign of strength and the only symbol of my family's heritage. I could be anyone I wanted; I was not the one who had survived; I was not the one who got away; the one who was spared; the one sole survivor. I wasn't and I didn't need to be. Nobody wanted me to be different - they accepted me as I was, took me at face value and didn't judge me by my history.

We hadn't discussed this, not in detail, but I knew Naruto must feel the same as I did. He must, because wasn't he born to fit a worse position than even I? Hadn't he been punished over the years for something he didn't ask for, for something he didn't know about? Naruto had not been a 'sole survivor' he had been a monster. He had been a demon and a threat. I had been treated kindly, treated with respect and doted upon. I had hated the treatment but I could now admit that it was vastly better than what Naruto had received.

But now he didn't have to be that kid - the demon kid. He didn't have to be what everyone expected, what everyone wanted. He was taken for what he was and I knew he must have felt it. Nobody knew our history and nobody could judge us for it. I suspected Mai knew - she probably knew my history too, but I didn't really mind. She and Naruto were close now and I suspected that was due to Naruto telling her his secrets, probably in return for hers though they would never match ours.

But even if she knew his history, she knew it because of him. He had chosen to tell her, he wanted her to know. It wasn't forced upon her, it wasn't already in the back of her mind. Naruto didn't have to tell her, he could have gone on as it was, with her in ignorance. But because he didn't want to he didn't have to. He could choose his own purpose in life, just as I could now. We were truly free. And I could now admit that I liked that.

"So do you plan to ignore me the rest of the night?" I asked him with as little emotion as I could manage.

He didn't look up from what he was reading, but I saw his eyes stop moving. I had his attention.

"I hope you realise just how petty you're being." Again, I received no indication that he was listening except for the fact that he was no longer reading. He turned the page to make it look as though he was still interested in that magazine. I smirked, nothing got past my eyes. He was a fool for thinking he could trick me.

"I know you're listening. Why can't you admit your childish ways and put this behind us?"

"My childish ways?!" He exploded, standing up and slamming his hands down on the table. "You're the one who'd rather go spend the day with that guy instead of your real friends!"

"Who are you to tell me who my friends are? I'm sick of you thinking you dictate my decisions.

"I don't think that! I don't think that at all, Sasuke! But he's a dick! You need to stay away from him!"

"No, I don't need to do anything, Naruto! You need to control your jealousy!"

"Jealousy! Why the hell would I be jealous of him?! He has nothing I want!"

"No! But maybe you think he's getting something you want! Isn't that why you're so determined to-?!"

"No! That's not why at all! I just think he's bad news and-!"

"And nothing Naruto-!"

"Just look what happened last time-!"

"Yeah!" I snapped, "look what happened!"

For a minute or so neither one of us spoke and I felt pride swell in my chest. I'd won, clearly. He had nothing to say to that.

"Naruto, I'm just tired of you being like this-"

"Like what?" I clenched my fists, if he interrupted me one more time.

"Like you own me! I've been tolerant and lenient with you because I didn't want you to feel any unnecessary guilt but I think it's going to your head!" He stared at me a moment and I wondered if I'd said something wrong. But then he sat down and closed the magazine on the table, staring at his hands with a sullen expression.

"So that's what it was? You trying to make me feel better?"

I frowned. "Yes."

"So you've just been pretending to be nice." Well, I didn't think that was true…it had started that way but…

He gave me no time to speak. "Well then I'm sorry. I guess if that's the case then I'm in the wrong. It'll stop." And with the he got up and crossed the room to the door, I was there before he could leave. I was sure he'd gotten the wrong impression.

"Wait." I said, but then wasn't sure what else to say. "It's not that I'm pretending, I just…wanted you to be comfortable around me again." I paused and looked at him, but he was staring at the door. "You were being so distant and weird around me and I wanted things back to normal."

"But not like this?" He said.

"No, not like this…" His face scrunched up and he closed his eyes. "I mean not you telling me what to do all the time. Just that. Everything else is fine."

This got me the attention I desired and I was finally confronted by large blue eyes. "Just that?" I nodded. "Only that? Everything else's fine?" I nodded. "So you don't mind…anything else?" I felt my eyebrow twitch, how many times did he intend to ask me the same question? Again I nodded. This seemed to please him because when he looked away this time he smiled.

"Then…do you…" He stopped and I noticed his face colour slightly. I waited for him to finish but he never did.

"Do I?" I tried to look at his face but he turned away from me.

He snapped back around and I nearly jumped at the suddenness of it. "Do you want to do it again?" He said. Blunt. Just like that.

I stared at him. How could he say it like that? I wanted to retaliate against him for some unknown, angry reason. Because how could he just come out and say it? I wanted to ask him what he meant but knew better than to push the boundaries. We did not need to discuss this.

There would be no discussing this…

…

**Hmm…yeah it's a bit shorter than normal but I wanted to finish it there…**

**Hope you liked ^.^ **

**Xx..xX**


	14. Sex

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

**Just a warning! This chapter is nothing but sex! Well…actually there is more than just sex, but it all takes place in the bedroom with no clothes on and if you would rather not read that then don't read the chapter ^.- Otherwise! Enjoy!**

**Happy Valentines day!!!**

…

**Sex?**

Oh god. Why had I agreed to this? No, honestly, I have no idea what possessed me to agree to this. We hadn't even spoken about it. We'd not spoken a word to each other for two days to be accurate. Was that supposed to make me feel better? That we weren't going to talk? Actually that sounded quite good. It would make things that much easier if we said nothing.

Naruto wasn't here. I was in the bed by myself, staring at the ceiling. Naruto had gone away, indicating with a finger that he would be back in one second, or one minute, I couldn't tell - it was only a finger, could've been an hour. He'd now been away for thirty eight seconds now anyway but who's counting…

I wondered what I was feeling. It was something unfamiliar to me. It was sort of nauseating, but not really. It made me tense and shivery at the same time. It made my stomach churn and my throat tighten. I'd never felt it before. It wasn't _the feeling _though, so I was glad for that. This was definitely not _the feeling_.

I'd just spent almost two hours in the bathroom. Naruto had handed me a book and urged me through the door. The book had been about sex - all forms of sex and it was an educational book. I had read what I needed to read and now I was more than aware - if a little…uncomprehending - of what was to transpire. I was fully prepared, the book had explained about that also. It had been the most humiliating thing I had ever done, knowing Naruto had been in the building and that he knew what I was doing. I couldn't even look at him when I came out.

So why had I agreed to do this? It had now been over a minute since Naruto had gone and I was really getting concerned about my reasons behind this. Why had I agreed? Why would I agree? Because I was a little sexually frustrated? I supposed that must have been my reason…was that even a good enough reason for doing this? I was also concerned about what would happen after this transpired.

I mean, I'd tried to masturbate before. Once before. And it really wasn't my thing. I couldn't even arouse myself enough to become erect. What if sex wasn't my thing either? What if I made an idiot out of myself and Naruto would be there to see it.

Naruto…what were his reasons for this? Was he just frustrated too? Did he just want sex and because I was his closest person he thought I would be the most suitable…I didn't think I liked that. I really didn't think I liked that. Would this be a one-off thing then, I wondered. But what if I did like it? What if I didn't want it to be a one-off thing?

It was Sunday. Naruto had skipped out of going to the beach with everyone else. We hadn't spoken about it but I'd known that morning that this was his intention. He wanted it to be today. I wasn't going to object. I'd said I would do it and I couldn't exactly back out now. How would that make me look?

I saw Naruto enter the room from the corner of my eye. I stayed still, looking straight up at the ceiling. Naruto was naked, completely naked, the blinds were drawn but that did little to hide the room from light. I was naked too, of course, but I was under covers. What really concerned me was that he didn't even seem to notice. He stood there looking just as he normally would.

…

…Did this not bother him?!

…Was I the only one here who felt like this?!

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as Naruto came closer. He lay on the bed, half on top of me, half not, and just so that his head intruded the part of ceiling I had been looking at. So now I was forced to face him. What annoyed me even more was how normal he looked. Did I look normal? I probably did - I was a master at disguise.

Right then I was just so thankful for the sheet between us, even if I was roasting. It was mid-day and I was lying in bed. Mid-day in Riera was hot. Maybe we should have done this another time; I didn't want to look flustered from the heat. That would only be embarrassing. And I'd had enough embarrassment today.

He opened his mouth and my eyes immediately snapped to his lips. Was he going to say something? I thought we weren't going to talk! This would be so much easier if we didn't talk! Please let him not speak!

"Are…you sure about this?" He said. He said, he said, he said. Why did he say? Why couldn't he just continue in silence? I wanted silence! Would I have been lying here if I was going to back out like a coward? No! I wouldn't be! Fool!

"Are you?" I was sure my voice told nothing of my inner torment.

He smiled so big his eyes almost closed and let out a shaky laugh. Shit. I'd thought that maybe there was a chance he wasn't sure. Maybe he would have backed out. But this had been his suggestion in the first place so of course he wouldn't back out. My cheek twitched when his head landed in the gap between my shoulder and neck.

Was he going to start now? I really wanted this over with. Maybe I should do something. His heavy breathing on my neck was…something, I'm not sure what but it was something.

He moved slowly, slowly edging himself under the covers, but he kept his face where it was, his breathing where it was. When he was under I noticed how warm he was. He must have been much warmer than me, and he was sticky, sort of, like he was sweating a little. It was from the heat, I knew, but it did something to me. Again, I wasn't sure what.

His body was touching mine in what felt like so many place; his entire chest was on mine, yet only one of his legs touched me. And I couldn't feel if he was…aroused or not. He shouldn't be, I thought; I certainly wasn't. But he was positioned rather strangely, jutting his hips away from me like that as if he had something to hide. Maybe he was. Did that mean he was attracted to me…physically?

I mean, I knew I was good looking but if Naruto thought of me like that…was it just for now? Had he just started now? Or had it been for a while? I would have noticed, surely, if he was attracted to me like that. Right? Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. Maybe he wasn't even aroused at all.

But he should be shouldn't he? We would both need to be, wouldn't we? Well…I probably wouldn't necessarily _need_ to be. But I was pretty sure Naruto would be very uncomfortable if I was not. So how would I go about getting myself…up? How did you do that? Maybe if I didn't feel so sick it would have been easier.

He moved his head a little and I felt his lips brush against my neck. He kissed me a few times and I felt his hands move onto my chest. They pressed against me fully and he moved them, tracing my body and mapping each part of my chest. He stopped at my stomach and I wondered where he would go now.

His breathing was heavier on my neck, very heavy now and very loud. I felt him swallow. I felt his hand move further down and I bit my lip. I wouldn't stop him. It would be odd to stop him now, considering what we were about to do. But I wondered if he would stop on his own if I vomited on him.

My whole world spun when he touched me and I really honestly believed for a moment that I was going to throw up. Then I realised two things. Two fairly daunting things.

The first was that although I may have believed I was no where near being aroused my body seemed to tell a different story. I was erect, at least partially. I realised that now, with Naruto's hand on me. Which was certainly surprising, given that even I was not aware of my state. How shameful - not only could I no longer control my own body but I was also rendered unaware of its…circumstance. It could have been because I was flustered, yes I was a little flustered, and a little unsure, and a little dazed.

The second thing I realised was that touching yourself and having someone else touch you may have seemed like very similar things, but they were in fact completely different. Completely different. Completely. I had never felt anything in my life like what I felt when Naruto's hand started moving over me. I couldn't even remember how to breathe. Naruto could certainly remember - that was something I did know. It's hard not to be aware of that fact when it's being thoroughly gasped in your ear. It was good to know I wasn't the only one struggling with my lungs though, because Naruto did sound like he was struggling.

He didn't seem to think so though. He squeezed me a little and moved faster while I gripped the headboard with both hands, clenching my teeth and trying not to focus on how good it felt. Sometimes he alternated, slow then fast, hard then soft. He played with the tip a little, spreading moisture about me and fiddling in ways that made me want to cry.

He pushed it down onto my stomach and rubbed the under side of it, fast and hard, but it felt good, the movement on both sides. He used his fingers too, teasingly slowly, just his finger tips and tickled the base, the head. It was like a fascination for him, touching me like this. But it was torture and I couldn't tell him to stop. I wasn't sure if that was because of my no speaking rule or because I really didn't want him to.

He moved again but all I could think about was why he had stopped stroking me. He moved completely away and I could see him again. He was above me and I felt his hands grip my knees, he moved me slowly and I let him. I didn't like what he was doing but I figured things would be over quicker if I just went with it. Things would be silent too and I wanted silence. Words would destroy this.

He moved my legs up and positioned himself between them. This was good, I thought, we were getting somewhere now. But then we were going nowhere fast as he came back down onto me and started moving again. This time it wasn't his hand touching me. I knew it was completely the wrong time but I couldn't help the swell on my ego when I felt he was slightly shorter in length than me. I resisted the smirk, if only because the way he was rubbing us together was…sensational.

I had to keep reminding myself, as he rocked against me in the most shocking way, that I had done this before. I could remember being this close to him before. This should not have felt so utterly new to me. But still I had to keep the reminder in my head. I was not a virgin. I should be fine with this.

At least I wasn't feeling so sick. Or perhaps I was, but maybe it was just overridden by what Naruto was doing. Because I could never deny how good this felt. It was amazing. I couldn't even feel embarrassment when my hips rocked back, coursing another round of perfect bliss though my system. I couldn't even feel embarrassed when my hands moved to grip his back or when he bit my neck and sucked and it felt even better.

Naruto was moaning but I wasn't. I supposed I may have been gasping, if only a little, but I wasn't moaning. Naruto groaned with every grind, he moaned and kissed my neck constantly. He was very loud. I had enough of my mind left sensible to be concerned for the people downstairs. We might have been off work but the bar was open. I worried we would be heard with all Naruto's noise.

I thought of telling him to shut up but that would have broken my restriction on talking; there was to be none. And he got rougher suddenly. He got very rough, pushing down on me with force and vigour and he bit my neck again and thrust his hips to mine, moaning even louder and I wondered what was happening. A particularly hard grind had me biting my lip. It was getting painful. But I didn't have to stop him. He stopped himself and that too was sudden. For I was left on the bed a little bewildered as he pushed up onto his knees and elbows, cutting all contact between us.

I looked at his face and hoped beyond all hope that I didn't look anything like he did. His face was red, his hair was messy. He was panting like all the air in the world would never satisfy him. His mouth was open and his lips were wet and red. He buried his head in my shoulder again and sucked on my skin, licking and nipping with his teeth. It tickled a little, but not where it should have, not where the contact was taking place. It tickled, or buzzed would be truer, between my legs and it made me ache for him to touch me again.

He sat up fully then, and the sheet fell right off his back. I was a little annoyed at that - it gave me less of an excuse for why I felt so hot. Naruto opened his legs but I didn't watch him do it, I was looking at his face. I knew he'd moved his legs open for mine opened with them. They opened and his arms guided them to rest by his hips, open and up. I might not have been looking down but Naruto was.

My face flamed. I didn't want him looking at me so blatantly. I felt like forcing him to look back up but I wouldn't; I didn't want to complicate anything. If he wanted to look at me then he could look. I reminded myself that now I should probably be prepared to be thoroughly embarrassed. I had not spent over an hour in the bathroom doing nothing and I had read the book so I knew what was going where.

But that didn't stop me wishing this could continue without any 'preparation', as the book had called it, at all. Naruto reached behind him and I closed my eyes. I heard a pop and recognised it as the opening of a bottle. I heard nothing for a few minutes and then I felt something. Something mildly cold and very moist and in the middle of it something very uncomfortable pressing into me.

I had to resist the urge to move away, to slap his hand away and scream obscenities at him before punching him in the face. Luckily I did still have most of my self control and I did no such thing. I just lay there and took it while he wiggled a finger inside the place where - personally - I felt nothing should ever enter. But I had agreed to this and I would not back out like a cowered.

I could have asked him to be the one to open his legs and be embarrassed. I don't think he would have objected, so long as we went through with this either way. But I figured if I did that it would mean more work for me. I would have to move and do things that I had absolutely no idea about. That book did not give people experience and I had no idea what Naruto was doing now so I would never have been able to do it myself.

And after thinking about it I thought that perhaps this would be easier for me, this way I got to lie here doing practically nothing while Naruto pulled all the strings. It should have been more embarrassing for him, really. And anyway, I couldn't trust Naruto to be clean enough for me, as horrible as that might sound.

I did start rethinking my position again though, when Naruto added a third finger - when he had added a second I have no idea. This one was the one that stung slightly. He twisted them round and prodded and moved them in and out and round. I wondered what good that was actually doing…was it really even doing anything? Would it not still be painful when he put his…member…inside me? No, I was fairly certain it would still be painful so what was the point of this at all?

The book had said it was to prevent ripping. Ripping? I hadn't even known places like that could rip. If that wasn't a warning, like 'hello! Don't put things in here!' then I didn't know what was. I did know, however, that the feeling that took over me when his fingers came out was pure dread. Dread and horror. Because I may not have remembered everything from that night but I remembered that it was painful.

And again I asked myself why the fuck had I agreed to this?! I couldn't go back now! That would be worse than going through with it! I couldn't go back now but why the hell had I said I would to this in the first place?! Why?! Oh my god! I couldn't even think properly. My eyes were firmly shut but now that he had retreated I didn't even want to know what he was doing.

I felt it when he pressed at me, I felt it and I took a breath, I took a breath and I held it because I was determined to show him nothing of the pain I was sure I was about to feel. And pain I did feel.

At first it was just neutral, he pushed and pushed and it didn't seem to be going anywhere. But then after pushing for about the sixth time, there was a barrier that seemed to break and the tip popped in. And it was sore. It was really sore. My nose scrunched and I turned my head to the side. Naruto pushed further in and I almost screamed at him.

My arms lay limp by my head and I wished I'd moved them before he started; took hold of something or…something. Because I couldn't move them now - that would show Naruto what I was feeling so they had to lie there motionless.

And I had never felt a relief like I did when I felt his skin connect with mine. He was then fully sheathed and I wasn't sure what would come next but I was sure it would be a damn site better than what had just come. Just to be wicked though, Naruto decided to thrust in a little bit more, until he couldn't be further inside of me and I wanted to murder him when he moaned. Because that was clearly a moan of pleasure. I decided to pay him back shortly after though, when he seemed to collapse on top of me.

I couldn't help but grip his back as soon as he was within reach. His head was nestled again between my shoulder and neck and I frowned and bit my lip, keeping my eyes closed because I was sure there were tears in them but as long as I didn't open my eyes then I wouldn't have to admit them.

He panted against my neck and I knew he tried to look at me because I felt the muscles on his back move and I felt his breath hit my cheek. He started at me for a while before returning his head and lips to my neck and, I suppose, deeming me suitable to be fucked.

The moving, the constant in and out pattern that developed quickly wasn't quite as bad as the initial entrance. Possibly because after a while the pain seemed to numb. Even then I couldn't say it was nice. Though Naruto seemed to think it was, with all the groaning and gasping and moaning he was doing. He'd become louder than before but I would not dare to open my mouth and give him a piece of my mind.

Instead I opted for my revenge. While he continuously rocked back and forth in and out of me I dragged my hands up his back, bug my nails into his skin and drug them back down again. The hiss that followed had me doubting I'd feel any better satisfaction today than from this action. He moaned out an 'owe' but all I could think of was my own soreness.

When I'd begun to think that the insistent thrusting was going nowhere with me and with my arousal thoroughly dead, I was so sure I only had to wait for Naruto to finish. I have to say what a surprise I got when things actually started to feel good.

It started with a warmth, not a warmth like the heat which had taken over my body from the beginning, but a different warmth. This warmth was deep inside of me. It got distinctly hotter each time Naruto's cock rubbed inside of me. I gasped a few times, wondering why it was getting hotter. I worried something was wrong.

Naruto seemed to sense a change in me because he started coming into me faster. This did not help the quickly spreading warmth - it had taken hold of me almost completely and was now followed by an itching sort of sensation at the very tip of my own manhood.

Soon this tickling, itchy sort of warmth got stronger and every time Naruto's erection brushed my insides I felt as though I was on fire. This time when my nails dug into his back it was for an entirely different reason. I rose up against him, completely uncaring for pride or shame. Naruto had left those things behind as well and with my eventual participation he seemed all the more eager to move faster, more forcefully.

He hooked his arms around my knees and lifted my legs higher and instinctively they curled around his back. I couldn't help it when my hands went to grasp the cheeks of his arse and helped push him harder into me. I bit into his neck and struggled to find sense in my mind.

And the sounds. Oh god the sounds were somehow…horrifyingly erotic. The slapping noise that became louder with each thrust. And between Naruto's moaning and my own gasping breaths I could hear a wet sort of squishy sound that under normal circumstances would have disgusted me but there, then, with that wet pleasure coursing through me it turned me on even more. It turned me on until the pleasure rose and rose and my insides burned with its force. I could feel moisture on the erection trapped between our bodies and the friction on it was driving me mad.

Naruto's arms moved to wrap around my shoulders and grip my back and his fingers pressed tightly into my skin. My legs stayed wrapped high around him and my own arms wound over his back and neck. We had lost all rhythm, lost all pattern. He pound into me, rough and forceful but I didn't care. Pain and pleasure were indistinguishable in the midst of this sensation. I could no longer hear Naruto's cries. I couldn't hear the screeching of the mattress or the roaring of the wall as it was battered by the bed. I couldn't hear the slapping of our skin or the wetness as he bucked inside me furiously.

I felt like I was a parched, thirsty, burning man who had not tasted water in a month, I was gasping in the heat of a desert and stumbling chaotically towards a cliff. Naruto's voice was lost to me; the world was lost to me. All I could feel was the pleasure inside me, the pleasure in my cock and the warmth, the itching, the pure bliss of it.

I didn't care what it was; I didn't care if it was normal. I didn't care. I needed a solution, the build up of passion and sensitivity was in complete overload. It needed to go somewhere.

And then I was that same thirsty, overheated man, a man on fire and I was flying through the air into an ocean of iced water. It felt so indescribably good to hit that water, to melt into that ocean…so, so good…

Somewhere in the distance a voice - a familiar voice - called my name. Somewhere back on earth things stopped moving and all I could feel was that something inside me throbbing, throbbing, throbbing. And a different kind of warmth burst into me; liquid warmth; Naruto's warmth. But that was all far away. That was all back on earth and I was not on earth. I was floating in the clouds somewhere, far away from everything, far away in heaven…

…

**Okay…I hope that wasn't bad…I didn't want it to be very sensual or anything…Hope it was okay for you guys ^.^ and sorry for the semi-cliffy last chapter! I know it was harsh of me. **

**I'd love to hear what you guys though. Oh! And Happy Valentines day!!! **

**Xx..xX**


	15. Sleep

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Sleep**

When I woke it was dark outside. I was wrapped up in blankets to my neck and curled on my side. I was alone but from the noise I could hear in the room next door Naruto was still here. Then again, why wouldn't he be? He lived here. I turned on my back and couldn't help but scrunch my nose at the ache in my bottom.

I had to wonder what would happen now. Would things just be normal? Would everything go back to the way it was now? I thought it should, how else would things go? I thought maybe Naruto would act awkwardly, sensitive as he was. The dobe would probably try to make things much more difficult than needed. Knowing him as I did this was to be expected, but I still hoped things would return to normal.

Would we never do that again then? Did that mean it was a one off? Never to transpire again for the rest of our lives? I hoped that wasn't the case. I wanted to do it again already, never mind waiting. Because that had been really nice, though I'd never tell him that. It may have started shaky but the ending sure was something I was going to get again. I mean, I had never felt anything like that. It was exceptional. It was amazing. It was definitely going to happen again.

Was that why people had sex then? Because of that…explosion was the only word I could think to call it. A mind numbing sensation coursing through my veins and pulsing inside me intensely. Oh yes, I would need to make sure this happened again.

It was then that a rather disturbing thought hit me. Why could I not remember much after this wave of adrenaline? Excitement? Explosion?…Why couldn't I remember falling asleep? Surely we had said something afterwards. Or maybe we hadn't said anything but surely I should remember at least separating from him, moving away, falling asleep. Didn't I go to the bathroom? Wash?

A quick check showed that no, I had not been to the bathroom to clean myself. That was when my thoughts grew darker…if I couldn't remember and I hadn't gone to the bathroom…did that mean I had…passed out?…No! No way! Definitely not. I must have simply fallen asleep much faster than normal. That was perfectly alright, Naruto probably did so too.

The thought had me glaring at the bed covers while I listened to the sounds of Naruto in the kitchen. What was he doing? I wasn't going to get out of bed, not now, not for anything. Not with the pain in my lower regions. I'd stay in bed till tomorrow. Naruto could take the couch tonight. Perhaps I'd get up to shower. But that was all.

I heard voices, one I knew was Naruto's and another - a woman. It was Mai, I realised after a moment. It wouldn't have normally taken so long but they were talking so quietly I couldn't hear what they were saying, it was a struggle just to make put which voice was speaking. I wondered if Naruto was talking about me.

Which brought me to another…negative thought. What if it didn't just go back to normal? How would Naruto act towards me after what we'd done? I wondered if he'd avoid me. In another situation I may have been pleased with having him away from me, but now I couldn't find it in myself to want that. What was he saying to Mai? I really wanted to know. I couldn't shake the thought that it was about me. Was it about what we'd done? Was it how to make things less uncomfortable around me? Because it was expected of Naruto to presume our relationship would now be more difficult.

I wished I hadn't agreed. The whole mess would have never happened if I'd just said no. We were so unprepared for anything like this. Why had I agreed? Maybe in time…no maybe we never should have tried this. The first time was a mistake. It was my mistake and I could handle that, but this…I had no excuse for this…I had agreed to this. I had consented, this was a choice I had made…

What had I done? I briefly wondered what I'd done in the past that I could possibly have regretted more than this. Surely there was something. Then the door opened.

It opened slowly, cautiously. Obviously Naruto thought I was still asleep. He saw me soon though and when he did his response shocked me. He straightened up and flicked on the light, before regarding me with questioning, inquiring eyes. Not the eyes I expected to see him wearing the next time I saw him.

"Do you want a sandwich?" he asked me, casual as anything. I didn't reply; couldn't reply…

"Mai's here, by the way." He smiled "We're making snacks - some snacks - a few snacks," he shrugged, "she's had nothing to eat all day and I'm always hungry. So, d'you want anything?" He asked, again, as he usually does, as his usual self. I couldn't help but be…bewildered.

"No." I say, because I think that's what I would usually say, and since he seems to be acting 'normal' I figure I should at least try. It would make things easier if everything stayed the same. That's what I wanted in the first place. I wanted normality. I wanted this back to the way we were before.

He mumbled something and then said, in a tone of voice quite childish "fine then, be a prude." Before sticking his tongue out and retreating from the room.

I sat there for a while in a state of almost…shock. I had been so prepared for an awkwardness, for a strangeness I would be able to fight, to reject and focus on. And yet this, such normality, I found even more difficult to bare. I could hear the conversation begin again outside the bedroom. The floors moaned when someone moved. My own eyes stayed stuck on the opposite wall and the window it had in it's centre.

It was…so odd. For Naruto to behave almost as if nothing had happened. If I couldn't feel the discomfort inside me I may have questioned if the whole afternoon had really transpired. Deciding that it was worth less time than I was willing to spend pondering I lay myself back down comfortably and let my mind drift.

I felt so…different. Surreal was the closest word I could find to describe the sensations running through me. It was almost as though I was very tired and yet very awake at he same time. I felt like I was floating, a dizzy sort of feeling. Physically though I was uncomfortable. The sheets stuck to me in a way I'd never experienced before. I could smell myself and it wasn't nice. The room was unbearably hot and as such I was still sweating a little. And I was sticky. Yeah, not pleasant.

Closing my eyes I attempted to burry myself within this surreal atmosphere I was in and the next time I was disturbed from this was to the smell of tomatoes. Instinctively my body urged me to follow it. Naruto had said nothing of tomatoes. Was he making tomatoes sandwiches? Why hadn't he said that if it was the case. Naruto knew how much I liked tomatoes. Surely he would have said something.

For a moment I waited in contemplation. What would be worse? Missing out on tomatoes? Or having to face Naruto and his odd normality?

Reluctantly I decided that the second was the less of the two evils and carefully pried myself from the sheets. I couldn't help but notice that nobody had cleaned them and felt myself shudder in disgust. Looking down upon myself I realised that while I was not dirty, I wasn't all clean either. Someone had cleaned me up all right, but they'd made a decidedly poor job of it.

Shaking my head I wrapped myself in the only dressing gown we had and proceeded through to the kitchen, fully prepared to face Naruto. What awaited me was a little less than I'd expected. Not that I'd expected much, but I'd expected more than Mai leaning against the counter, a mug wrapped in her dainty hands, while Naruto placed neatly chopped tomatoes into a bed of lettuce and cover with a pale sheet of bread. I could see an array of sandwiches lined up in lines across our dinner table and wondered why there were so many.

Mai looked up at me as soon as I entered, Naruto however, did not. Instead he grinned widely and boasted to Mai "Told you he'd be here in no time" before promptly sticking out his tongue and continuing with the sandwiches. Mai merely chuckled and took a sip of her drink, clearly amused by the situation. I had a feeling she knew more than she should.

"What is this, Naruto?" I asked, feigning indifference.

"What, this?" He asked in a ridiculously immature tone as he indicated the food in front of him.

I grit my teeth in an effort to keep myself calm. I was not comfortable with the situation. "Yes, that. What is that, Naruto?"

"This is the sandwich you don't want." I closed my eyes at his stupidity and Mai laughed and turned around, pouring her drink down the sink and rinsing out the mug. I scowled at her back, annoyed at their behaviour and sore in places people should not be sore.

"I meant the ones all over our dining room table." Naruto just snorted at me and enquired if I'd have a nice nap. I could have killed him. I really wanted to, especially when Mai burst into giggles and bent over our worktop to control herself. Because that proved it all really - he'd clearly told her more than he should have. What happened in the morning was between me and him and it was certainly none of her business. And I really wanted that sandwich but now that he'd thrown back in my face how I didn't want it before my pride wouldn't let me ask for it. I was surprised, a little, when I found the patience to answer him.

"Yes, actually, I enjoyed my sleep. Not that I can say the same for any earlier activities." And then I yawned, and really, I would remember the look that swept over Naruto's face for too long. Mai nearly collapsed from laughter and to take advantage of the situation whilst I could I snuck up and snatched a tomato sandwich from one of the piles before turning smugly and returning to bed, Mai's laughter keeping the smirk on my lips as well as the indignant 'he's lying!' that I heard from behind me.

I'd thought that perhaps Naruto would follow me, but in the end he never came. I suspected it was Mai who held him back, but either way I wasn't bothered. I'm not sure when I did fall asleep, but one minute I was sweeping crumbs from the sheets and the next I was flat on my back, out sooner than I would have expected.

_I could hear singing. I recognised the voice, though perhaps not immediately. In fact I almost doubted my instincts, for why should I dream of Sakura? But as I turned where I stood on the white earth and swivelled through the white mist in search of a visual to match the sound, there she was. Sakura stood on a stage, one with flowers and cherry blossoms to surround her, singing into a microphone. Yet there was no audience. No, surely there was nobody here but myself. The sight puzzled me…where was I? _

…_Don't try to explain your mind, _

_I know what's happening here…_

"_Outoto." I turned, looking again for a body to match the assumption. Sakura's song continued while I turned again and again. Though through the heavy mist Sakura's saddened appearance had vanished. I struggled to pull even my own weight through the thickness of it. _

…_One minute it's love and, _

_Suddenly,_

_It's like a battlefield…_

"_Outoto," I turned. Where was he? I could see nothing anymore. Even the sand beneath my feet was too far for the mist to allow._

…_One word, _

_Turns into a war._

_Why is it the smallest things,_

_That tear us down…_

"_Where…?" I asked, wanting to see him more than anything. Even Sakura's bleak visage would have helped me understand this dream. It was like no other. _The feeling _surrounded me. "Where are you…Itachi?" My body broke into a run and in the next instant I was in a room; a room not unfamiliar to me. And yet it was not the same. It had been too long for me to remember the last time I'd seen my brother's bedroom look like this._

…_My world's nothing when you're gone, _

_I'm out here without a shield…_

_He was standing by the bed, crouching to look underneath. He was younger than me, I realised. The thought sickened me. He must have been only eleven or twelve here. I saw him pull something out from under the bed. It was large and struggling and I knew immediately what it was. I felt even worse when the noise began. The laughter grew and grew until both were in a fit of giggles. Lying on Itachi's bedroom floor tickling one another. _

…_Can't go back, _

_Now…_

"_There," he panted, "I found you." his voice carried such feeling that I had remembered so vividly in other dreams. I stared at myself with apathy though. I had been a foolish child. Playing games, acting up, it had been unnecessary and I wished I had not been so very blind. _

…_Both hands, _

_tied behind my back, _

_for nothing…_

"_Aniki! Aniki! Play with me more!" The small body whined, pitifully, climbing over him enthusiastically. But no. "No, no, Sasuke. I have something to do." At the look on the child's face, though, Itachi softened. "I'll play with you again soon, Outoto. I promise." And I couldn't watch when he raised two fingers and tapped the boys forehead. With my head turned, I listened on to Sakura's song._

…_Oh, no,_

_These times when we climb so fast to fall,_

_Again… _

_My head turned back when I felt pressure on my wrist. He was standing in front of me, tears trickling their way down his cheeks. Itachi was alone now and the room faded fast, dissolving into a mist once more. This mist was different though; slightly darker; slightly thinner. He was holding my wrist. I didn't mind the contact, though I knew very well how I should, but he was so warm. _

…_Why we got to fall for it,_

_Now…_

"_Itachi…" I tried, prying for the reason behind his upset. It was the only way I'd be free from this dream. _The feeling _was getting worse with each passing moment. Itachi opened his mouth and began talking, but no words came from his mouth, only silence, yet his mouth continued to move. He seemed like he was saying something important, his face turned strict, like father's and he pointed behind me. I didn't want to turn. I knew the moment I did _the feeling_ would grab hold of me. It would grow stronger, I knew. But how else could I escape this dream. How else could I get back to reality. I turned. _

…_I never meant to start a war,_

_You know I never want to hurt you…_

_I was in a field, the mist was thin enough for me to see but dark enough for me not to make out the entirety of the scene in front of me. There were people. So many people. But not the people I wanted to see. These were the people I never wanted to see in my dreams. All of them. Everyone. _

…_Don't even know what we're fighting for…_

_My mother, so kind and caring, so lovely, stood next to my father, his shoulders high and mighty, strong and powerful. And proud, so, so proud. My cousins, all stood in a line with their parents behind them. My neighbours, my family. The Uchiha clan. _

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?…_

_Senju Hashirama, the Shodai and founder of the leaf village stood with them, his face emotionless as his depiction on the monument. The Nidaime, his brother at his side - Senju Tobirama. Even Sarutobi Hiruzen stood with them, young as he was in his prime. And Minato. Namikaze Minato. My eyes lingered on him for a moment. He was the only one to smile, and he looked like…he looked so much like Naruto as he stood there with the others. The Hokages. _

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?…_

_Orochimaru. He stood with them also. His sneer still firmly in place. His followers behind him. The sound four. Or five, to be more accurate. I recognised Kimimaro standing there, though I had never met him myself. The twins, Sakon and Ukon were there. Jirobu, Kidomaru and that girl Tayuya. _

…_Why does love always feel like…_

_Then there were the others, so many others. I saw a man who shared a striking resemblance with Kakashi and thought him to be the father. There were a group from Akatsuki, Hidan and Kakuzu were two of them. Standing between the Hokages and the Uchiha clan were two people, a girl and a boy. They looked young. Only about twelve. Genin. One had goggles on his head, black hair and a huge grin, the other had auburn hair, a rectangle print on each cheek and was looking at the other. They were missing someone. _

…_Can't swallow our pride, _

_and neither of us,_

_want to raise that flag…_

_I turned away from them then. A burning in my chest that I couldn't explain. _The feeling_ was taking over my mind, I could hardly think. What was this? I looked for my brother but what I found confused me. He was there, only, there were two. Itachi stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering him and his sharingan spinning next to my brother. My brother was young, twelve or so. He was kind and sorry and crying, he was holding someone by the shoulders. Someone short. Myself. _

…_If we can't surrender, _

_Then we're both going to lose what he have, _

_Oh, no…_

_I couldn__'t take my eyes away. But I didn't have to. They moved apart and there was a mirror, an image of myself. I stood harsh and evil, a cloak with clouds covering me and my sharingan spinning. I looked to Itachi. I looked to my brother. I looked to myself. What was this? I looked back to the mirror but it was gone, instead I could see in the distance. The thick fog was so light now, but so black. There was someone standing there in the distance - an army behind them, just like my army of dead behind me. _

…_both hands,_

_tied behind my back, _

_For nothing…_

_It was Naruto. Sakura's voice grew louder again, cutting through me like an arrow, piercing my chest and a pain so deep began to fester and grow. _The feeling_ bubbled inside me like a plague, tearing and eating its way through me. It was Naruto._

…_Oh, no,_

_These times when we climb so fast to fall,_

_Again…_

_I started walking, drawing closer, my army of death following at an equally slow pace. I wanted speed. I needed to get to him. I wanted some normality here. And I'd never before dreamt of Naruto. Not like this. I began to run, but my movements were so slow, my feet took years to move through the air, my steps seemed messy and hurried but I moved straight with accuracy. Slowly._

…_Why we got to fall for it,_

_Now…_

_I was reaching for him, almost there, I was almost to him. I needed to get to him. It was the only way. The only way to escape from this dream. _The feeling_ was getting worse with each passing moment, but I ignored it, buried it deep enough so that I could focus: I was nearly with him. I was nearly there._

…_I never meant to start a war,_

_You know I never want to hurt you…_

_The closer I got the thinner the fog became, but darker still and soon I could not make out my own hands in front of me. Still I ran, but was I really running? I felt like I was, like I should be, but as I concentrated I realised it was false. I was not in control. I was not the one moving._

…_Don't even know what we're fighting for…_

_I tried to push myself, to walk faster at least, but I walked forward with persistence and patience. I couldn't understand, the pain in my mind, in my heart, _the feeling _was overpowering me. Was it that that had taken control of my body? Was that why I could not move myself?_

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield ?…_

_Naruto came out of nowhere, his face right in front of mine. In the darkness there was no one else. Just us, just the two of us and _the feeling_. _The feeling _that pulsed with the beats of my hearts, that shook my very soul and trembled from my fingertips to my toes._

…_Why does love always feel like,_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?_

_A battlefield?…_

_Sakura's voice was strict now, sharp like she was angry, like she was yelling but it was far away. She was too far away. It was just us, just me and Naruto, the armies had dissolved into darkness and there was nobody but the two of us._

…_I guess you better go and get your armour,_

_Get your armour,_

_Get your armour…_

_I wanted him to say something, to do something but he simply stood there, looking at me with sad eyes. In the darkness I could see very little but I could see the sadness, I could see the hurt in his features. Why was he sad? What was wrong? I reached out my hand to him and was surprised when my body followed my commands. I was back in control._

…_I guess you better go and get your armour,_

_Get your armour,_

_Get your armour…_

"_Please" he said. "Please don't, Sasuke." I saw the tears on his soft tan cheeks and trembled - what was wrong with him? "Please…" he said but his voice was lowered in defeat. "I can't," he said, "I'm sorry." What was he talking about? _

…_I guess you better go and get your…_

_I tried to pull back, to move away and give him space but my body wouldn't obey, my hand continued moving towards him. I didn't like this - the feeling grew stronger, warning me but I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. Don't. Don't! Stop! I tried to tell myself but I couldn't - I wouldn't move. And then the world dissolved, bubbled like it was melting and poured light into my eyes. I awoke._

With my heard beating like a drum in my ears and the thrill of _the feeling _searing through my insides I took a moment to realise that I was in fact screaming and that the only reason I wasn't thrashing around the bed was because I was being held.

Naruto was whispering something in my ear but I couldn't hear him for my own noise. I tried to collect myself but the fear and raw emotion eating through me made thinking very difficult. I clung to him and shook while my nerves settled. I must have looked pretty bad, I realised when I saw the look on Naruto's face - my face was wet with what I could only expect to be tears and my body was trembling in his arms. I felt pathetic.

I pushed him away from me as soon as I felt ready to move without falling over and headed straight for the bathroom. Naruto followed me. I didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't trust my voice to be steady. I was wearing very little as it was, the dressing down half falling off of me was the only thing keeping me from his sight, so I didn't think twice about taking it off and stepping quickly into the shower. I felt dirty and uncomfortable and pathetic. Naruto didn't say anything, but he stayed in the room with me.

I knew he must have been curious as to what my dreams were about - to make someone like me fall to pieces this way - but I couldn't tell him, I didn't know myself what the dream was about, except that it was nearing it's end. I was eager to know at the same time as I was terrified; the end meant I would be free but at the same time I knew it meant I'd have to face this feeling I had, I would have to confront it instead of pushing it away. I knew that, but the thought made me…scared.

Emotion was not something I was comfortable with, let alone a foreign emotion I'd never experienced before. I wanted it to go away but at this stage I was sure that was never going to happen - all I could do was put up with it and hope for the best. It was easier to handle nowadays anyway. The only time it really had any negative effect was in this dream. I couldn't understand it and to be honest I didn't want to.

Naruto said nothing as I finished my shower and returned to bed. It was not until I had finished changing the sheets and lay down that he approached my with words.

"Can I sleep with you?" It was not what I'd expected and it was not what I'd wanted to hear, but after he'd said it I was glad he had. I rolled away from him and closed my eyes, knowing as the bed dipped when he got in beside me that he'd realised my answer.

This time when I slept, I slept silently.

…

**I'm back ^.^ I was going to put in an authors note explaining that I wouldn't be updating in a while but I didn't because I wouldn't want to get your hopes up for a new chapter and then for you just to see an authors note. I hate it when that happens in stories I'm reading so I didn't want to do that in mine -.-**

**But I'm back now. I had a few problems in my family that have been ongoing for a while but have come to an end just recently. I'm also finished school so I expect to be updating a lot more now that I have the time. I hope you guys understand and haven't given up on me already =(**

**Also, would anybody want to be my beta reader? I'd just like someone I could get a second opinion from…someone who'll tell me honestly if I'm going wrong anywhere…so any offers? Because I'm half ways through a story it's harder to find one. If you think I should just finish this one and then look for a beta then let me know as well, any advice would be nice, thanks C=**

**Xx..xX**


	16. Akane

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

**…**

**Akane**

It was strange. Waking up with someone next to me was strange, yet not completely unwelcome. Naruto had kept to his side of the bed and for that I was content. It seemed he was still asleep and so I let him be when I left for my long awaited shower. I'd never had a shower that good either, I could barely believe I'd slept in the condition I had for so long. And on that note I had slept a good while hadn't I? I'd slept from afternoon until night and then from night till morning…at least, from what I could tell by the light outside it was morning.

After staying under the water until I was perfectly cleansed I made a short trip to the kitchen and fixed myself breakfast, just simple butter on toast. The house was strangely silent, especially since Naruto was asleep and that was rarely silent, often extremely loud. My sight fixed on the table, which was packed with foil-wrapped sandwiches, and I frowned, contemplating what they were made for. I couldn't imagine. Deciding for once not to eat breakfast alone I returned to the bedroom and climbed atop the covers. Usually I would never do this, but as the sheets had to be cleaned anyway I figured a few crumbs would do little harm.

Looking to Naruto as he slept I was surprised to see him looking so normal. He tended to stretch himself out and fling his limbs into strange and awkward positions while he slept. It was okay on the bed but when on the couch this often resulted in him spending the night on the floor instead.

I wondered what would happen now? How would this turn in our…set up…affect our daily lives? Having never been intimate with anyone before I was unsure of what to expect. Since he had acted so casually the night before I presumed all would return to normal, yet how could it? How could it when I wanted this new development to continue? What if he didn't want it to continue? What if it hadn't been…good? It had been good for me…at the end, but what about him? I cursed the thought that he had not enjoyed it like I did, what would that mean? That I was bad at it? Or that we were both bad at it?

I cringed a little.

It probably meant I was the bad one. I'd never been bad at anything in my life. Second maybe, possibly even third, but never…bad. I frowned, Naruto hadn't exactly been great himself. He'd definitely hurt me most of the time. It was only the very end that had been enjoyable, so I hardly thought he could talk of my performance.

Sighing, I peeled my gaze back to my half eaten toast, wondering what today would hold. All those sandwiches sitting in the kitchen must have been for something. But for what? Was there something arranged for the bar that I was unaware of?

Ah, the bar. I had completely forgotten about it. Getting briskly out of bed I shed the dressing gown I had on and quickly pulled on more appropriate clothing for work. When I was about half way down the stairs I realised whoever had been scheduled to work today had probably been and gone by now…what as the time anyway? I hadn't even checked. What was wrong with my thoughts this morning - I felt too groggy, must have been to do with sleeping longer than I was used to.

The bar looked the same as always. I checked things over hastily. Since I had not been working the day before I wanted to make sure everything was in order. I checked the small kitchen set and I checked all the tables were cleaned to my liking as well as the toilets. I checked that the floors had been cleaned and I checked that the dishes had been washed. I was actually surprised when I realised that all the necessaries had been done.

I frowned as I checked the till - almost pleased to be wrong when I saw that the money had not been counted and filed into the safe. Things were never completed correctly when I was not there. I set to work organising the bills and coins, trying my hardest to finish quickly so that I could open the doors. I realised I would be alone today until Naruto woke. That meant I couldn't even serve food - I may have been good at my job but I wasn't that good.

And even when Naruto came to help me, he wouldn't stay for long. He had a class in the afternoon. I considered the prospect of trying to contact Riki to come today, although I was sure it was his day off. For a fleeting moment I considered not opening the bar at all, we'd made a fair bit of money yesterday and we usually did make profit. Perhaps one day closed would do no harm? But then I realised how irresponsible I was acting and headed for the door. Half way there the knocking started. It was a good thing I was going in that direction anyway, perhaps it was an employee?

As I opened the door I was surprised to see Mai there, with Tessa beside her. Mai smiled at me and moved forward as if to come in. I let them pass me and closed the door behind them - surely they were here to see Naruto. I didn't smile back, just waited for them before closing the door. I'd have to see what they wanted before opening the bar now. Part of me was relieved at this, the other was simply irritated.

"Hmm, what're you doing up so early, Sasuke?" Mai enquired, a sparkle in her eye and a smirk on her lips. Her countenance annoyed me but before I could answer with the obvious answer Tessa interrupted. She yawned loudly and slouched where she stood, her arms crossed over her stomach and a scowl on her face. She looked like a spoilt child and behaved like one too. This was no surprise though, I had grown used to her infuriating antics by now.

"Argh, can't we, like, just get this over with! I can't believe you dragged me here so early on my day off! This is! Argh, like, so unfair!" I watched her squirm and stomp her foot, the scowl on her face deepening until she looked as though she'd cry. It wasn't so early was it? I couldn't believe I actually hadn't checked the time. I'd presumed I was late but perhaps I had been mistaken. Still, there was no need for such behaviour. We were adults, her included.

I felt a twitch in my lips when Mai kicked her in the shin. "We're here for Naruto. We're gonna help him set things up." she said.

"Set what up?" I'd heard nothing of this. My mind instantly supplied an image of foil wrapped sandwiches. "Is this something to do with those sandwiches?"

Mai smiled, "yeah, they're for Mr Okido. He's returning to the village earlier than they thought. Seems…something's come up. Kippomaru agreed that we'd host the welcome back - party thing. We'll, not us, just Naruto and you, I guess. But since we're your friends we're gonna help you."

I grunted in acknowledgement. "Is he returning today?" When I received the nods I expected I headed upstairs, knowing they'd follow. And they did, with Tessa complaining the whole way. It really shouldn't have been too early. Tessa was such a drama queen, honestly. If she was so upset she should just leave. I certainly didn't want her there like that, she was annoying anyway.

I didn't try to be quiet but somehow Mai guessed Naruto was still asleep. She knew the lazy dobe well enough by now. She didn't give me a chance to speak before rushing into the bedroom to wake him up, slamming the door behind her, to my utmost irritation. I looked to Tessa and my temper flared further when I saw how annoyed she still appeared.

"If you don't want to be here, get out." I snapped at her. She looked at me silently, a vacant expression on her face for the first time that morning, before frowning again and lowering her eyes to the floor.

"No, I'll stay" She said simply but seemed like she wanted to say more. Just as I was about to ask she beat me to it, obviously noticing my interest.

"If I go I probably won't be able to come back until after…and I want to see…" I watched her for a moment, intrigued. But when she walked to the window and pulled the blinds, exposing the room to a brighter light and showing me how early it actually was, I realised she had no intention of continuing.

The day was almost blindingly light but as I'd previously expected it to be sunny, it was in fact not. I'd presumed it was late morning, by the brightness, but it seemed early, extremely early for mist like this. The mist here never stayed past seven in the morning but it usually indicated a rainy day. Those were few and far between here but when they did come they came hard. Probably a product of the horrendously hot temperature this place had. For a climate like this some rain was expected. I loved days like this. I was glad I wasn't working today, I'd maybe take a walk later. After everything concerning Mr Okido's return had passed.

That reminded me. "What Is it you want to see?" It couldn't have simply been Mr Okido. He was a well respected man, loved by the village and the people. Even the students from the complex adored him. I'm sure I was the only one who harboured a dislike for him. Though even that had dwindled after seeing him in the village so long. He truly was a brilliant man. He had come across to me as naïve and jolly but in truth he simply wanted to show his village a good time, keep everyone happy and maintain the positive atmosphere that made the small island prosper.

He made frequent trips inland, visiting other villages of many type. He always brought something back from his travels and always made sure not to stay too long so that he could keep an eye on everything in Riera. To ensure that all was well with his home. He was a great man and a great ruler. I knew Naruto really looked up to him. I could now see why. As could everyone else.

However. That was not reason enough for Tessa to willingly get out of her warm bed so early in the morning. Perhaps there was something special about his return this time. It was earlier than expected so perhaps he had found something noteworthy on his journey? Or perhaps it was just this strange little town, so nice to everyone. Still, it didn't seem like Tessa to do anything against her will. Selfish bitch that she was.

I liked her really. Well, maybe like is too strong a word, I…appreciated her for what she was. Though I'm not very sure what that was but still, she was part of the group, though the only one I could really call annoying.

"Oh…nothing." she said with disinterest. I knew she was lying, she'd sounded too curious earlier to have forgotten something. Now I was interested. I saw her send a look to the bedroom door, where Mai was, and knew they were hiding something. It probably wasn't anything important though, since nothing of much interest happened here. Still, it wasn't nice to be kept out of the loop. I'd grown used to being part of them, it wasn't often they knew something I didn't.

"So, like, let's go get started. You know what them two are like. They might take long enough." She was right, so I nodded and headed to the kitchen. Best to start with the basics since I wasn't sure what it was Kippomaru wanted us to do for Mr Okido. We'd need to take the food downstairs for starters, providing that the sandwiches were all the food we were to produce. For all I knew, perhaps we were expected to make cake.

So we started with the sandwiches, and since they were all wrapped in Clingfilm, it was easy enough. I could carry three plates myself, a product of working as a waiter, and Tessa took two. Together we'd managed to take most of the food down by the time Mai made it out of the bedroom with Naruto in tow. I stopped to ask what it was we needed to prepare and Tessa came up the stairs behind me to hear as well. She had woken up significantly by then and so was in a better humour.

"Well, I don't really know," Naruto said with a contemplative look on his face.

I snorted "How can you not know? Didn't kippomaru tell you what to do?"

At this Naruto frowned and crossed his arms; "well, yeah, but he didn't say anything much. Just to get the place ready for Okido-san coming back." Naruto was the only one I knew who called Mr Okido that and every time I heard it I was further irritated.

Mai sighed, "well, lets just get the place cleaned up, maybe rearrange the tables a bit so there's more space."

"We could put drinks in them container, like, things. You know, the ones you refill your glasses from at parties." Tessa piped up from behind me.

"Mmm," Naruto agreed "I think we've got a few of those downstairs. And we could have them on a long table by the wall with the sandwiches so whoever's there can just help themselves."

I nodded absentmindedly, my mind no longer on the topic. I followed everyone downstairs and helped with moving the furniture. Me and Naruto did that while the girls finished taking sandwiches downstairs and started filling jugs with drinks.

I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. About what we'd done and about how nothing seemed to have changed. He still laughed like normal, he still smiled like normal. He spoke to me the same way, looked at me the same way. What bothered me more was how much that bothered me. Did he not care? Was yesterday unimportant to him? And why did I care if he didn't? Why was I not just happy that everything was as normal.

And what about _the feeling_? And the dream I'd had last night, the glimpse further into a dream that had been plaguing my sleep for years now. It was no wonder Naruto kept asking me why I was so quiet, I had too much on my mind to think about what they were all talking about.

Since when did I talk much anyway? Since when was my silence strange? Who was I becoming? Who had I already become?

I think it really struck me then. I'd slept with Naruto. I'd had sex with Naruto. It made me pause in my actions and Naruto asked me what was wrong when the table we'd been pushing stopped moving. I looked at him.

I really looked at him, properly, as if for the first time. I realised that while I still thought of him as I'd always done, still knew him as the dobe who made an idiot of himself at school, he was not that person any more. He was not a twelve year old failure, he was not a child, he was not what he had once been. He was an adult. He was growing up. I was eighteen, I was growing up too.

I started pushing the table back towards the wall, ignoring his questioning glances and focusing on my thoughts. If Naruto had changed, then I must have changed too. Obviously I had, I could already tell that, but how drastically? Drastically enough to have sex with someone, with Naruto. Enough to allow someone close to me like that, when I'd never considered it before.

I realised now how absolutely heart wrenchingly personal it all was. No matter how much I tried to tell myself that it was just convenient, that I was just satisfying my sexual needs, my hormones. I knew now that was not the case. This was personal, very personal. And that was why I was so bothered, that was why Naruto's acting normal bothered me. Because if he was acting normal then that meant it didn't bother him, it wasn't personal to him. And that hurt. That hurt, so much more than I'd ever admit.

I stopped thinking about that subject then, determined not to look into the reason why his disinterest would hurt me so badly, determined not to find out what _the feeling _really was. It was decidedly not anything I wanted to know. Some things are like that, better unknown. This was one of those things. So I stopped thinking of it, turning my attention back to the conversation Naruto was having with Mai, who was across the room. From what I could tell they were discussing a relationship.

"Well why don't you tell him!" Mai spoke with a raised voice, displeasure clear in her voice.

"Well, why don't you! It's got nothing to do with me, or you either actually. It's up to him whether or not he's in love, and whether or not he's happy."

"But he does love Mika, he does. I don't see why he's being like this! Everyone knows how much they love each other."

Tessa entered from through the back, a jug of water and a jug of juice in her hands. "I know, it's, like, so annoying."

"You've noticed this too, Tess?" Mai, queried, an expression I could only describe as intense on her face, this topic was not what I'd anticipated. Were Mika and Lusca having difficulties in their relationship?

"Of course, who hasn't?" I hadn't.

"Well, I don't think we should interfere," Naruto said, "it's up to him, nothing we say will change his mind - it's his heart." His words struck something inside me and I began to wish I'd never slept with him in the first place.

"But Naruto! He's making a mistake, he's being so stupid. Mika loves him more than anything. They've been together forever."

"I agree," Tess chirped in, her hand on her hip and no longer doing her job. "They're so in love, anyone can see it. I can't even remember a time before they got together."

"I don't think so." He said, and even I looked to him in alarm. Surely Naruto didn't mean that Mika and Lusca did not love each other? I'd seen them together myself and was sure they were in love. They've been living together for over a year now as well, surely there could be no serious problems.

Naruto sighed. "Maybe they're just having a few problems. But if they're not and Lusca does want out of the relationship, then it's really up to him. He wouldn't want out if he was in love, definitely not. And just because they've been together a long time, doesn't mean they're in love. Only Lusca can know how he feels.

The room was quiet for a while, everyone returning to work, pushing tables and pouring juice. But Mika was on our minds, and the atmosphere was thick from the contrasting opinions. "Mika is in love with Lusca", I said. Nobody disagreed with me.

"He's my brother..." I heard Mai whisper.

Kippomaru stopped by whilst we were working. After setting up the tables, the snacks and the drinks, we'd decided that it would be a good idea to give the place a clean, just to be sure everything looked good. Mr Okido had been to our bar/diner before, but it was a while ago now, definitely before I'd changed things round and actually made the place look presentable. I wanted it to look it's best when he came and everyone agreed it was a good idea.

Of course I'd anticipated that Kippomaru would be round to check on things. We might have run the place like it was ours but at the end of the day he owned it.

"Hiya, lads and ladies." he came in with. The girls jumped, not having realised he'd unlocked the door and let himself in. Naruto came straight out from under the bar - where he'd been polishing the stools and woodwork - and rushed up to the man.

"Kippo! We're doin' really well! Got all the stuff prepared!" He paused, "at least…I hope that's all we've to prepare." I smirked; dobe. "So we thought we'd give the place a good clean, have it sparkling for Okido-san coming back."

Kippomaru chuckled and pulled Naruto into a hug, patting his head despite the blond's struggles. "Heh, heh, that's a lad. The boss'll be coming here in a few hours, we think. You guys don't have to slave over this place too much though, Daisuke don't mind a bit o' grub." Daisuke, that was Mr Okido's first name, I'd realised, however he was rarely called by that name, having earned such respect from the village. Only close friends called him that.

"Che, we've got nothing else to do anyways." Naruto proclaimed as he pulled free from the giants arms.

"Hey! You might not have a life, but I do have other things to do!" Tessa flicked her hair and I had to stop myself from laughing - so she was back to this now was she?

"Aww, Tess, don't be a grouch! I thought you wanted to help." Naruto said, a sincere expression on his face, yet as soon as Tessa had her back his tongue was straight out at her.

Mai giggled; "you don't mean that Tess, you've got things you want to see, don't you? Or are you forgetting that _little _detail."

I was prepared to smirk again at their antics, but when Tessa shot a quick glance at me - a serious one that I thought did not fit the discussion, and the room turned uncomfortably quiet, I noticed I was missing something. Upon further inspection I realised Tessa was not the only one checking my reaction. Kippomaru too was staring me straight in the face, almost expectantly.

"What is it?" I asked, only to have everyone's attention snapped away when Sizzo came quickly through the door.

"Shit, Kippo." Her voice was arrogant, as always, but I could tell by the speed and her tone that the news she had brought was important. "He's here. Daisuke's back. And so much earlier than expected. You'd better be ready, he'll be here soon."

Great, looked like we wouldn't manage to clean up as much as I'd hoped. I swept my eyes over the room, over the red leather couches, the matching chairs and bar stools. The dark mahogany tables and bar. From this angle I couldn't see into the tiny kitchen, in the middle of the circular bar, but I was sure nobody else would be entering in there in any case. The floor was well swept and mopped, easy to clean since it was metal, only died to look wooden. Wood was far too easily stained, I'd decided. All in all the place looked fine, better than fine. It would be good. I was sure Mr Okido would be pleased. I had nothing to worry about.

Naruto on the other hand…we'll the only word that could describe the look on his face was worried. I frowned, why was Naruto worried? What was going on? I would have asked but Naruto flashed me a reassuring smile and then we were on our way outside. Presumably to meet Mr Okido as he came to our bar. I knew I'd have my answers soon enough, but the secrets, the worried glances - it became clear to me that whatever was being hidden was being hidden because I wouldn't like it. But what could I possibly take such a major disliking to, something that would make everyone keep this to themselves…? I could think of nothing.

For the minutes we waited Naruto said very little. Mai, too, seemed nervous and agitated. I hoped I looked as calm as I felt. Whatever was going on, I was bound to dislike, but I'd told myself that it would be fine. Nothing too bad had happened in this small, peaceful village. I'd seen so much in my life, I told myself, nothing could possibly be that bad.

Except I wasn't nearly as prepared as I'd thought, it seemed, when Mr Okido arrived. It seemed he had brought something on his travels, something remarkable indeed, something I definitely was unhappy about, something I never could have expected in a million years.

She had burgundy red hair in loose ringlets to her shoulders. She had grape green eyes. She had pale, milky skin. She had a light green cocktail dress on. She had matching green sandals on her tiny feet. She had a wary, untrusting expression, spiteful and angry and full of hatred. She was beautiful, she was amazing, the most dazzling creature I'd laid eyes on. She was thirty seven inches in height. She was a baby, a child of about four. She was standing her ground beside Mr Okido, not long enough to reach his waist.

She was terrifying.

I said nothing as introductions were passed. I said nothing as the group entered the bar and sat and spoke and nibbled. I said nothing, was rendered speechless. I knew what was about to happen and I was powerless to stop it, loath as I was at the thought of it.

I wanted more than ever to voice my opinion, my thoughts. Wanted so powerfully to express my anger at the unfairness and the injustice that was being done to me. Yet I was unable to speak, unable to listen as the others spoke and spoke for an eternity.

I watched the child as all this happened, as the time passed and the day wore on.

She sat in a chair in the corner of the room, her tiny legs not long enough to reach the floor and dangling half way there. She stayed there the whole time, never moving, never looking at anyone. The expression on her face was hard to bear. It was one I'd only ever seen in a mirror.

I hated her, already I hated her. I did not want her near me, near anyone I knew. I despised Okido for bringing her here, bringing her into my home, my life. I wanted rid of her. I needed her gone, I could not stand another minute of her being here.

Before long it was dark and I realised as I finally tore my gaze from the girl that the discussions were no longer of democratic importance. Everyone here lounged about casually, sipping sake and nibbling on whatever food there was left.

The time had flown so quickly I could scarcely believe it was night. I started to move, slowly. My eyes searching desperately for Naruto. They found him by the door. I stumbled up to him and before I could make a fool of myself I was outside.

The air hit me like a kunai to the lungs. I gasped and fell to the ground, crawling to the wall where I sat numbly for a few minutes. I felt Naruto's heat beside me but was helpless to the beating of my heart and the thrumming of rage in my veins.

I threw up shortly after that, though I remember little about it. What I do remember though, was when I came round from it. I was sitting again against the wall, this time around the corner of the building, where the night seemed so quiet, the woods only a few meters in front of me. The air was thick and warm, sticky with summer despite the rain I was sure had come and gone. I never did get that walk.

"I'm sorry Sasuke." Naruto said. "They want us to take her."

I still could not speak. There was no need to, I'd known this from the beginning. The moment I'd laid eyes on her, the minute I'd peered into her lifeless soul I'd known what she was, where she was from. She was from our world, the one I'd foolishly thought I could leave behind. She was from a ninja village. And she'd lost everything. She had no one. She was alone.

And these idiotic people thought they knew everything. Thought that because we were ninja - I thought not of how everyone had come to know that, it would only enrage me further - that we should look after her, heal her like we were, teach her that her old life is not as good as this one. Make her forget pain.

They were fools, peasants, they did not understand. The look in her eyes would never disappear. The things she'd seen would be forever engraved in her mind. Seeing her every day would be the end of me. I hated them, I hated her, I hated Naruto. How could he agree to this? How could he? Did he not know? Was he unaware of how unbearable this would be for me? Was he that ignorant? Did he understand me so little? Or did he just not care?

"She has nothing Sasuke, and she's only four." I looked on ahead, breathing deeply. I had nothing.

"She just needs a home, Sasuke. A family." I had no family.

"We could give her that. We could help her." I'd had no help.

"Please, I want this Sasuke. It would be good for us both." It would kill me.

There were so many reasons why we could not harbour a child in our home. So many different reasons, reasons I wanted to voice. Reasons I needed to put forward, but still I could not talk.

I heard when everyone left, but neither of us rose. Naruto sat with me for as long as I could remember. And when I woke the next morning I was in bed, Naruto's arms around me and images of an angelic little girl with burgundy hair and apple eyes staring at me with that torn, bleeding expression.

**…**

**To be continued.**

**Xx..xX**


	17. Lonliness

**Disclaimer: All original Naruto characters, settings, plot etc. are the property of Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement is intended and I make no profit from this story.**

…

**Lonliness**

In the morning I felt better. Sleep had cleared my emotions and left me a blank sheet to work with. I would deal with this. The child would not last long. I would be rid of her. There was no secure reasons for her to stay with us and so many complications with it. Realistically speaking, everyone should have known that.

I stayed in bed well after I had woken, plotting all the things I'd say, all the excuses I'd throw at Naruto and all the comebacks he'd attempt to make. Scenarios played out in my mind, sketching quickly onto my clear canvas. I must have spent hours dreaming of the things I'd say, the stutters he'd mumble and try as he may he would loose. I had won the battle before it had started. I was certain, I was sure. And I was ready to face him when he nudged my side with groggy morning movements.

I felt him twitch away from me, turn back around and wrap his arms tighter, stretching and then throwing his arms above his head. I felt him wake up in the morning, heard his yawn and smelled his morning breath. I saw his eyes open and their haziness drift away. He recognised me immediately and his face took a paler shade.

"Good morning, Naruto." He looked confused, exaggeratedly so. I knew why - I never greeted him good morning, never felt that the morning was good, never stayed in bed long enough for him to wake up to me. But today was different. Today I was in a good mood. Today all my problems would be solved and I would continue to live this peaceful life.

Naruto frowned. "Sasuke…eh, are you sure you're okay?"

I smiled at him, pleased by is furrowed brows and pouting lips. "I am good, Naruto, how are you this morning?"

At this Naruto froze a bit, his eyes widened and he looked sharply away, slowly back and then hastily away again. He stared at the wall.

"I'm fine." it came out a squeak.

When I did nothing more than watch him, a serene expression on my face, as he grew more and more uncomfortable, Naruto seemed to loose his nerve and scurried away to the bathroom.

As soon as he was out of sight I let my lips curve into a smirk, moving into a sitting position and getting myself comfortable. Things were going extremely well. Naruto was so naïve, to think I'd honestly speak to him like that. But seriously, I did need him shaken if I were to convince him one hundred and twenty percent that the wretched little thing was never to enter out home again. And shaken he seemed to be getting.

When he re-entered the room, my eyes were imminently upon him, stalking him intently as he made his way back into bed beside me. Settled, Naruto placed a hand on my thigh and stroked soothingly. My gaze never wavered. He took a breath as if to speak, but then let it out and locked eyes with mine.

Stealing myself, I placed a palm on his chest, urged him to lie down again and then lowered myself next to him, resting he head on his chest. I smirked again now, knowing he couldn't see my face, when I heard the beat of his heart; it was fast.

I sighed dreamily "Oh Naruto," I nuzzled his bare skin and felt his hand - the one previously on my leg - slide up to my back. "Don't you love this? Don't you wish things could be like this, exactly, forever."

Naruto didn't answer. But I felt him take a shuddering breath, heard his heart beat faster still, and knew he was affected.

"Sasuke…" I smirked more, thinking my name was all he could say. I was wrong.

"I'm not as daft as you think." he took a breath. "I know what you're doing - I think we should stop this and talk about Akane like adults would." I stiffened at the mention of my nightmare. I was annoyed that my charm had not worked like I hoped. I felt a little deflated, like my pitiful thoughts from yesterday about Naruto caring little about me were more true than I'd considered. And what did he mean 'like adults'? We were adults now.

I sat up abruptly, knowing now that my plan had been discovered, and though I took notice of Naruto's upset expressions, I was in no mood to care.

"I don't know why you even entertained this ridiculous notion. You know as well as I do that the girl cannot stay."

Naruto watched me blandly for a moment before sniffing tightly and turning away. "I don't see why not. I think we should try to help her."

I inhaled sharply at this and changed tactics; "We have no room, there's only one bedroom in this place."

"But she's only little Sasuke, the room's big enough for a bed for her."

"She'll grow."

"We won't have to stay here forever."

"No, we won't Naruto. And that's one other reason not to take her - we'll only leave her alone."

"Better to be loved and left then never to be loved at all!"

"No!" I raged, gripping his arm tightly and squeezing hard enough to hurt. "It is not better!"

"How would you know?"

"How would you?"

"I would have rather known my parents and lost them than be alone all my childhood."

"Well I wouldn't! I wish I'd never had family - it's not worth it!"

I would have normally relished the silence that followed my statement, but the words I'd said were already burning bright in my mind. I regretted them already, to wish my family away brought shame upon me. I felt as though I'd betrayed them, betrayed their memory. Angry tears threatened to well up behind my lids. I closed my eyes, not willing to shed them and bracing myself for what was next. I knew Naruto - he was getting ready to say something I'd rather not hear.

"…that's why you don't want her here isn't it, Sasuke?"

"Don't you fucking dare!" I hissed, "don't you dare bring my past into this just because you don't have one!" I wanted to hurt him, break his spirit like he was breaking mine. But the thought of hurting him brought on _the feeling _and then I had a whole new level of discomfort gnawing at my heart.

"But she deserves a chance - she deserves to be loved!" He looked desperate, his eyes bright with tears, he gripped my hand in his and squeezed, begging me silently. But I wouldn't hear it, didn't want to hear…

"Why?" I nearly screamed. "Nobody ever loved us! Why should we!"

"Because we've been there, we know what it's like. How can you want to turn her away?" the look he gave me made me want to hide, like I was scum and evil and disgusting. I hated him looking at me like that, with such raw disappointment. I needed to win this though, but I needed to win it logically; I didn't want Naruto to think of me badly.

"We both work, we both go to school, there's no time for a child in our lives."

Naruto looked away, took his hand from mine and broke all contact with me. "I'm leaving school."

"…What…?"

Caught up in my emotions as I was the surprise took me a moment to register, and by the time it had my emotions felt deflated, like a wilted balloon with all it's air drained out. "Since when?"

Naruto sighed, "I've been thinking about it for a while. I don't like school, it's never been right for me." He had the nerve to look sheepish, "Not the academic type, it seems. You should know that really - I'm a hands on guy. Physical's the only thing I like to do there. And it's not like I don't have a plan, I'll work full time and because we live at work there'll be no problem keeping her looked after."

I tried to think of something to say, victory seemed so far away now.

"Sasuke?"

"But…we don't have the money." It sounded pathetic, even to my own ears. I knew better than anyone how much money we had - more than enough.

"Oh, come on Sasuke - I know you've been saving for ages, since we got here probably, we're not even paying rent, we've got money for one little girl."

I stared at him blankly, wondering where my arguments had gone wrong. This was supposed to be easy, I'd been so prepared, so backed by logic and manipulation. How could I loose this? My eyes dropped to the bed and I felt the frown on my face. I was trying to stop my emotions coming back and drowning me.

So there was going to be a child here? When would she arrive? Who had her just now? Why couldn't they just keep her?

Where would this leave me? I looked up to Naruto, wanting him to reassure me, wanting him to tell me all wasn't lost. But his mind was elsewhere, his eyes on the door.

He really was beautiful. I'd never thought about it before, I'd never really noticed. I suppose it wasn't normal for a man to think such things about another man. I knew that for sure, everyone from a Ninja village knew that. Homosexuality meant death. That's why Naruto's friend, Sai I think, was gone. That's why nobody dared do anything sexual with the same sex if they had been brought up a Ninja.

But I was having these thoughts now. I'd acted on my thoughts too. Me and Naruto - we'd had sex. We'd actually had sex, properly, not slightly, the whole deal. Did Naruto not realise what we'd done? Surely he should be more worried than me - after all I wasn't going to be going back to Konoha, he was.

Then again, I remembered, he'd done it before, with Kankuro. Heat swelled in my chest and I bit my lip, trying to remember what he'd said about that. Had they done what we had? Had Naruto not been a virgin? Then I remembered, of course he hadn't - he'd had sex with Sakura.

For a minute all I could see was her, her lithe frame, her petite waist, her flushed cheeks, her cherry hair. She was attractive, I knew that, I'd always been aware. But I'd never want to have sex with Sakura. Come to think of it, I'd never actually wanted to have sex with someone in my life. Nobody until Naruto and really, could I even say I'd wanted that?

I focused on his face. His skin was a smooth tan, clear of blemishes of freckles, his eyebrows were a gentle arch, not too thick but enough to fit his round cheeky face. His cheeks weren't as chubby as they'd once been, but there was still a cuteness to his looks; baby-faced, I supposed he'd be called by the likes of Tessa. His lips were bigger than mine, but probably not by much. They were a classic shape, slightly like a heart. His lips were a darker tan than his skin, much darker, but not red or rosy. And his eyes, Naruto's eyes were like none I'd ever seen. But I'd always known that, I'd just never known their beauty. Naruto had big eyes, full of emotion and expression. Naruto's eyes were a blue like no other, like the sky on a sunny day. His hair was gorgeous too, dishevelled as usual, but soft and fluffy - the colour of the sun.

His skin was perfect, smooth, not a blemish in sight. He had no scars, not even little ones. It was probably due to Kyuubi, I realised, but still, I couldn't help but feel…unworthy, damaged goods. People said I was beautiful, said I was perfect. But was I? Truly? I'd never questioned my looks before - I'd inherently believed I was the best looking creature ever to live, it's the way I'd always been treated. But sitting here on the bed, with Naruto in front of me, I had to question. Did those people even know what beauty was?

Naruto sighed and looked at me, his piercing blue eyes looking straight into me, straight through me. I felt ill. "Okay, well, I think it's clear we're gonna help her. It has to be done. I'll go get her, she's with Okido-san."

And then he was leaving, dragging his body out and away from the bed, the room. Away from me.

"Naruto-!"

He turned to look at me, leaning slightly on the door he'd opened, and suddenly I was unable to speak, struck by some desperate force. I felt like when he walked out the door he'd never come back, he'd leave me alone and I'd never see him again, never hear his voice, never know his touch. I was struck sick with my own desperation to have him stay, my longing and that godforsaken _feeling_ grabbed me and squeezed as hard as possible, suffocating so. I couldn't breath.

"Don't worry, Sasuke. I'm sure you'll come to like her, she's a sweet little thing I'm sure, when we get past her…well her past, heh."

And then he was gone. I sat stock still in the bed as I listened to him go, heard him walk down the stirs and out of the building. It felt like my life, draining the further he went. I couldn't understand it, I couldn't make sense of my own feelings. It was madness, but it was uncontrollable. I didn't want to think of this, to know what this meant, to consider the possibility.

I flopped down on the bed and let myself breath. I gasped a bit, my lungs flooding with the air they'd been deprived of. It sounded like sobs to me, but I wasn't crying, just choking on air. Slowly it seemed to settle, my breathing turned shaky before evening out completely. I closed my eyes and buried my face in the pillows, inhaling nothing but the smell of Naruto. He wasn't going far, he was coming back, this was nothing to get so upset about. But even as I told myself this, I felt my eyes warm with restricted tears, tears I'd never let out.

What would happen to me now? Now that this new thing was going to move in? What was going to happen to my life? Our life? The set up we had, the arrangement? We had a way of living, the way we got up in the morning, the way we had diner, even the way we went to school and work - it was simple, it was our life. What would happen now? And Naruto didn't care, was unconcerned that this child was going to ruin everything.

Pulling myself together, I resolved to get through this. I was strong, I'd beaten bigger bosses than a four year old child. And so I dragged myself out of bed, determined to be ready for when Naruto took her back here.

It felt good to shower, the hot water splattering over my back like a river washing away my worries. It soothed like a balm over my tense muscles. I stood far longer than necessary under the spray, wishing I could stay in this care-freedom for a little longer and a little longer. I almost wished to be who I was, back before things like this mattered to me. But then I caught myself, realised what I was wishing for; to be nothing again, a soulless monster with no heart and no feeling. It was better this way, free and lively and full of promise, a life with less anger and a life where I could maybe feel happiness.

But…I was scared. So damn terrified that anything from that world would ruin me. That this scarred little creature would bring back that person in me, that monster - that I wouldn't be able to keep myself alive. And I had to do it alone, because there was nobody to talk to, nobody to confide in. I was alone in this, not even Naruto understood. I'd always had to keep everything in. I'd never been able to speak of my thoughts, my feelings and they built up until bursting point when I had to shut them away, to protect myself, and in doing that I had to shut away everything, all my soul. I didn't want that again, and with so much more building up I was afraid.

But there was nobody I could turn to. So I'd have to suck it up. Like I had my whole life.

Stepping out the shower, I stood for a moment in front of the mirror and the same thought that had taken me earlier reared it's ugly head; was I really so beautiful? Or more accurately…did Naruto think I was beautiful? My skin was pale and sickly, even though the warmth of the shower had me slightly pink. And I was littered in scars. None big or especially noticeable, but they were there and I could see them. My hair was nice, I supposed, but it wasn't as shiny as Naruto's or as soft. My eyes…I couldn't look at my eyes without some sort of half-numbness taking hold of me. They could hardly be called my own, no matter how they looked. I just couldn't really see in myself what I used to.

Was this my punishment? Were these the consequences of having my heart back, that I would grow into this insecure being. No, I wasn't insecure, not in regards to everyone but Naruto.

Deciding that I should get ready before Naruto got back, I ventured back to the bedroom and got myself dressed. Feeling more vulnerable than I had in a long time, I sat on the bed and deliberated how to prepare myself for this. I hadn't ate anything since…well I supposed yesterday morning was the last time I could remember. I must have been hungry, even if the nerves disguised it, I must have been. So I went to the kitchen and thought of what to eat.

At first I thought a sandwich, which was the easy option. But I'd been eating so much of them recently that I'd grown sick. I remembered Naruto had some pasta in a cupboard around here. I wasn't exactly the greatest cook, having dropped out of domestic studies, but I'd seen Naruto make pasta and sauce before and figured it should be easy enough.

So after throwing my pasta in to boil I gathered the few things I remembered seeing Naruto use, and chopped up a few tomatoes for good measure, everything was good with tomatoes. All in all it took about half an hour and the end result wasn't terrible. I was loath to admit though, that Naruto's was definitely better. If it wasn't for my added tomatoes I probably wouldn't have ate it.

I heard them well before I saw them. I picked up the noise of the door opening downstairs, the bar was closed today. Since we'd held the welcoming party the night before Kippomaru had requested we close for a few days to sort everything out. I would have been avers to it, but I knew I'd need a few days to come to terms with the added extra in our home so I hadn't bothered.

I could hear Mai at the door and wondered how she'd come to be with them, surely she hadn't been at Mr Okido's? Not that it was a big village though, it wouldn't be hard to bump into each other. Come to think of it, I heard another voice there as well, a man. It was Mika! Damn, it'd been a while since I'd seen him. He'd finished school last year and so we saw very little of him any more. He'd dropped out though, which I wasn't proud of but it was his own choice. My thoughts turned to the rumours going around about his relationship with Lusca. I hoped they weren't true, I didn't like to think that they would split up. I'd never known them as anything but together.

I honed my hearing specifically to downstairs, hating how my keen senses had been dampened with my time spent here. But it was a downfall I was willing to bear with, so long as…

I heard them saying goodbye, Naruto and Mai, and when I listened harder, Mika too. I realised they were leaving and hoped for a fleeting moment that I'd have a chance to see Mika soon. We'd always been the closest of the group. Apart from Naruto of course. Mika and I got along very well, I thought, and it was nice not to have to talk so much.

My attentions turned to the blond mop of hair I could see now bobbing up the stairs. I watched cautiously, waiting for the rich red ringlets I knew would come after Naruto's waist. He gave me a small smile, one I assumed to be reassuring although it did nothing of the sort, and then she was there, standing in front of me, her stare planted firmly on the ground by her own feet.

Naruto smiled. "Akane, this is Sasuke, remember I told you about him?" The girl didn't move to acknowledge me at first, but when she did it was a rushed glance up at his face before she returned to gazing moodily at the floor. The smile wavered.

Naruto took her by the hand and guided her to the nicer sofa we owned, then sat her down on it and knelt on the ground before her. He looked at me expectantly and I realised I was supposed to introduce myself to this thing.

I looked at Naruto's face, at his wonderfully blue eyes, expressive eyes, pleading eyes. I wished I still had the strength in me to turn him down. But I didn't.

Turning to the girl I tried to mask my face into a semblance of kindness. The small smile felt strange and uncomfortable on my face. "I'm Sasuke. You'll be staying with us now. We'll…" I wavered, but kept my cool; "take care of you now."

There was no response from the girl, but I was sure she understood. Young as she was, she had come from a Ninja village. Children were never children for long. You were an asset the moment you took your first breath, a device when you made your first word, and a weapon from the moment you could walk. This girl would have been no different.

A small part of me wished I could feel sorry for her, looking at her small chubby cheeks, her stubby fingers and baby soft skin. But how could I feel sorry for her, without feeling sorry for myself? She was nothing but what I had once been. Why should I help her, give her love, when I was never offered anything of the sort? It wasn't fair, to give her a chance when I had been robbed of everything and left to rot. I had been left to drown in my despair until it ruined me, stole from me everything I ever had, even my own emotions, my own self.

Why should I help her? Because she deserved it? Was that what Naruto had told me in the morning? But I'd deserved love, hadn't I? I'd never been a bad child, I didn't deserve what was given to me, and I should have been helped, but I wasn't. So why should I sacrifice to give this child what was always kept from me?

I looked at Naruto and realised exactly why. Exactly why I was going to try to put up with her, try to help her, god forbid I'd probably try to love her too. Just for him, just to keep Naruto happy and here with me. For that I was willing to do nearly anything. And that was far more terrifying than caring for one four year old child.

…

**To be continued.**

**Xx..xX**


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